Im really struggling

[wombatsandaplant]

I’m really struggling. I had a very recent suicide attempt. And I’m still kind of reeling from that.

But I’m just struggling with everything else. I don’t have kids so I don’t have to worry about that. I’m living off pre made sandwiches. I’ve got weekly input from my psychiatrist at the moment and see my cpn every two to three weeks. I just feel very lost all the time. I just lie in bed all day. I hear voices and see things, and I’m told I’m delusional too. I’m struggling with the government watching all the time. It’s too much, I hate being watched. Im also suicidal but that’s because my Antipsychotic meds were lowered slightly but we’ve put them back up now. So hopefully the suicidal ness will lower soon. I just wish I could have a break from feeling so bad. I had an okay two months but everything bad has come back again. I don’t even know why I’m posting this but anyways.

Not the cone of shame!!!! Hope you manage to get out with the dog and really hope you are over the worst.

“Cone dog”!

I hope you get the best dose or combination working soon.

Thank you guys.

Really hope the increased meds help a little. I really feel for you.

The weather is shite here, I hope it's not too bad where you are so that you will be able to go out for a little walk with your dog tomorrow.

I hope you take your dog out.

Feeling almost okay again. Managed to walk the dog a few minutes round the block. Going out for tea tonight with a friend.

I’m glad you feel good enough to take your dog for a walk & go out with a friend.

Well I think I did too much, Im back to feeling really ill. All I can think about is suicide and self harm, as in wanting to do it too myself. I can’t fucking do anything, I’m just fucking useless and pathetic.

I’m so sorry you are feeling so bad. Don’t hesitate to call someone and ask for help if you need it.

Did you end up seeing your friend?

Yes I did, the meal was nice but it was busy and noisy (I’m also autistic) and it was just a bit too much.

@wombatsandaplant hi wombat I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all of this. I've no advice really as I've never been as ill although I did attempt suicide as a result of PND, my psychologist told me before that water on skin can have a calming effect. Such as having a hot shower. It's a sensory experience which allows us to connect with our body. I always shower when having a bad time. Just maybe a thought:

Iceland sounds amazing. That's on my bucket list. Have you got your dog a gift for Christmas?

Thanks for the idea, I’m a bit tired at the moment but I’ll remember it for future.

Yes I got him three squeaky rope toys, hopefully they last a bit longer than other toys, he tends to just destroy toys.

You are NOT useless and pathetic.
You are struggling and deserve help and support to feel better.
I am getting my dog her own bedroom for Christmas. (No. Not a typo!) And a friend. I’m bringing a puppy home after Christmas.

Thank you.

Ooooooh that sounds amazing, and Ooooooh how exciting.

Everyone has overdone something a little- and felt too tired, or full, or stressed, or maybe strained a muscle. You’ll recover.

Dogs can be rough on their toys. But better that than your shoes.

Or your walls.
Yep. Last one ate through a wall.

Hey op sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Have you been to Iceland before? If not, you're going to love it. Its the most beautiful place in the world. I have been twice and it's easy to find some solitude just a few minutes outside the city. I think it's a magical country, the air is so fresh and clean it felt like my soul had been cleansed.

I have not been to Iceland before, I’m really looking forward to it.

@wombatsandaplant have you made a list of the things you want to see there? I've heard it's meant to be amazing. It's on my bucket list. There, New Zealand and Canada.

Have you tired walking around the block since?

I can really recommend booking a small or private golden circle tour. It'll be expensive but it's the best way to see the main sights without having to deal with lots of other people as opposed to say a bus tour.