Considering suicide or sex work because of debt

[Clusterfukt]

I’ve started this thread six times today. I am yet to get out of bed.
Last night I finally stopped burying my head in the sand and opened all my letters from creditors that have been building up on the hallway table.
I also looked at my credit report and have calculated almost £10,000 worth of unpaid debts.
They’re all chasing me and I can’t cope anymore.
In addition to that I also have
£2700 council tax debt
£800 of water charges debt
£1000 British Gas debt
The only thing not in debt is my rent payments.
I work full time on a zero hours contract when work drops off I earn nothing.
DH was made redundant 18 months ago and hasn’t done enough to find a new job.
Everything is on my shoulders everything.
I hate myself and haven’t stopped crying all day.
We have 3 DCs
After all outgoings I have zero left to pay debt. Zero.
Death would end it but I can’t do it to my children. Sex work would destroy me but I feel like I have no choice.
DH has taken the kids to his mums for a few hours while I’m buried in my pillow just sobbing.
I hate myself and want it all to end. I’m so trapped and such a failure. My hair is falling out through stress, my weight is plummeting and I feel like I’m wading through quicksand when I get up. I’m vomiting intermittently and my head is pounding. I just want to die.

Oh OP , I’m so sorry you’re going through this. First things first, you need to take care of your health. Please go and get help from your GP. Then you can start thinking practically and I’m sure you’ll get loads of good advice about debt management on here.

Sorry to hear about your money struggles. I have been there a few years ago and it was hell!
Contact stepchange and they will help you for free. I went on a debt management plan with them and they contacted all of my creditors on my behalf and got all of the interest frozen (apart from with one creditor who refused to freeze the interest).
Stepchange then calculated a monthly repayment I could make to them which I could always afford every month (mine was £220). They then split that money between all my creditors each month and sent them payments.
It took 6 years to become debt free but im there now and it’s an amazing feeling! It felt impossible at the start but I’m now debt free and able to save the £220 that I was sending to stepchange into an ISA every month.
Good luck x

And your dh needs to step up and get ANY job to start helping with this.

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time financially.
I have been in your position, $20,000 (I'm Australia so that's probably equivalent to £10,000) debt and was drowning and could not get it down. After very very slowly chipping away and organising to have as much as I could consolidated into one place I've now got rid of half of it so far.
Is the debt consolidated? Is declaring bankruptcy an option you have explored? A relative of mine declared bankruptcy and she says it's the best thing she has ever done.
I can't really comment on the sex work as I worked as a stripper for a time and loved it, sex work as a solution to money debt is not a realistic avenue though, as it isn't a magical money generator, it involves a lot of hard work.

I second contacting step change. They'll sort it all out for you.

You need proper independent advice but the council tax should be a priority as that escalates quickly. Why has dh absolved himself of responsibility, does he not also live there and partake of heating, water etc can you call Stepchange or make an appointment with cab?

I'm so sorry you feel like this OP, it must be overwhelming. Would you consider calling 0808 808 4000, which is the debt advice helpline? they can advise you on what to do about the debt, help you make a plan etc. they can take calls from Monday to Friday: 9am - 8pm and Saturday: 9.30am - 1pm. having a plan might help you feel better. and maybe you could talk to someone at mind (the mental health charity) too? If you don't feel up to talking on the phone, you can webchat. wishing you all the best x

Pop over to the money matters boards for some support. This is one of the thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3564254-a-support-thread-for-people-paying-off-debt-2

If you scroll down you should fine @talkinpeece spreadsheets about repayments etc!

www.stepchange.org/

Debt advice from step change: 0800 138 1111
Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am-4pm

They have a form you can fill out at home before calling them, so you have the answers to the questions they'll ask you, so they can give you advice specific to your situation - form here: www.stepchange.org/Portals/0/img/debt-info/income-and-expenditure-form-example.pdf

They're a debt charity and they will have helped many people in much worse debt than you.

StepChange have calculated that I have zero money to pay towards debts and that I need to contact each creditor individually to offer token payments. I’m in no state to deal with that at the moment. I wish there was a service where they take all the details and do it for you. I’m just completely done with it all.

We are listening, does your Dp know how serious it is and that you are thinking of sex work, if so he should be horrified and doing everything he can to find work, do you live near shops, pubs, hotels, he could try for work there.

Could you get a debt relief order?

DH is a fucking man child. I’ve made an enormous mistake in marrying him, he’s a lovely person, kind and sweet but a total idiot when it comes to responsibilities and being an adult. I’ve been so fucking stupid and told myself lie after lie in order to pretend he’s a responsible adult. I’m a fucking idiot too, just in different ways.

You've just made the first steps you have taken your head out of the sand.

You do need to see your GP but as for the debt there will be other posters who can come along who can point you in the directions of companies that can help (my knowledge is too out of date) but there are some positives here most notably you are NOT in arrears with your rent.

What you will need to do next is work our realistically you can afford each month. Then you need to contact the companies and tell them your situation.

When you say 'after all outgoings' does this include paying things like minimum payments on cards and utilities and council tax etc?
If you get in touch with the companies they can often help to reduce the monthly payments or freeze interest for a few months this is the sort of thing some debt help charities can help you with by approaching the companies but please be careful as I wouldn't want to recommend one that would put you in a worse position.

The other thing you need to do is forcibly pull DH's head out of the sand, it is hard but he really needs to up his efforts to find a job.

All the best

Others have great practical advice on here. Don't look at this as "what have I done" look at it as "what am I going to do?" You have looked and faced the reality - that's the first step. Ignoring it would be continuing, you're already changing for the better. Keep going x

I have 3 CCJs that I need to keep up payments on if I default on them I don’t know what will happen but I really can’t afford them any more or the fees to vary the judgments. FUCK!!! Why am I such a fuck up!!!

OP I have sent you a DM [not offering to pay before anyone says anything!] - I have been where you are, please don't worry xx

citizens advice may help you contact your creditors.

OP I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed and low I agree with the PP who urged you to see your GP ASAP. Please get some help for your mental health.

"I wish there was a service where they take all the details and do it for you."
Actually there is. Citizens Advice provides face-to-face debt help. You can take all your paperwork and they will go through it all with you. Please visit or contact them.

I work for Citizens Advice and I have helped many people with their debts. There is always a way forward. As a first step I always make sure that people are claiming all the benefits they are entitled to. Did your husband claim contributory JSA after his redundancy? Did he get any kind of payout? You (as a couple) should be claiming Universal Credit and Council Tax Reduction if you're not already.

I’ve just borrowed and borrowed to make up shortfalls after the redundancy and it’s gotten out of control. We missed a few CT payments and then I just buried my head in the sand and stopped paying altogether. Payday loans and credit cards and provident loans. I’ve been such and idiot. I had no idea how much I’d racked up until last night.

Clusterfukt

Please stop with the negative self talk It happens, It's happened to me so I get the feeling your having.

Stop and breath.

You've made the first step and opened those letters.

Now ring stepchange and talk it through. Ring the Samaritans for a but of extra support and talk.

You've done the absolute hard part you've taken charge if it. Now bit by bit you can sort it out and deal with it without resorting to extremes.

Take it slowly, don't rush this will take a long time.

Stepchange will help you prioritise.

Please be aware that StepChange doesn't do Debt Relief Orders, and that might be the best option for you if you meet the criteria.

www.stepchange.org/debt-info/ccj/cant-pay-a-ccj.aspx

Here is a bit on what to do if you can't afford the CCJ's as your circumstances have changed.

Opening the letters and posting here must have taken so much energy, I completely get what you're saying about not being able to handle contacting the companies yet. The biggest thing here is contacting the first one. Pick the most important debt, council tax maybe and give them a call. Tackle them one at a time, you don't have to do them all in one go.

He can’t claim because I earn ‘too much’ I earned £800 last month! But because some months I can earn £1500 it skews our income. Work don’t offer me any hours out of term time so that affects my pay significantly, they’ve offered me a permanent contract of 40hrs a week tto but are dragging their heels with actually giving it to me, at least I would get paid all year round then!