Considering suicide or sex work because of debt

[Clusterfukt]

I’ve started this thread six times today. I am yet to get out of bed.
Last night I finally stopped burying my head in the sand and opened all my letters from creditors that have been building up on the hallway table.
I also looked at my credit report and have calculated almost £10,000 worth of unpaid debts.
They’re all chasing me and I can’t cope anymore.
In addition to that I also have
£2700 council tax debt
£800 of water charges debt
£1000 British Gas debt
The only thing not in debt is my rent payments.
I work full time on a zero hours contract when work drops off I earn nothing.
DH was made redundant 18 months ago and hasn’t done enough to find a new job.
Everything is on my shoulders everything.
I hate myself and haven’t stopped crying all day.
We have 3 DCs
After all outgoings I have zero left to pay debt. Zero.
Death would end it but I can’t do it to my children. Sex work would destroy me but I feel like I have no choice.
DH has taken the kids to his mums for a few hours while I’m buried in my pillow just sobbing.
I hate myself and want it all to end. I’m so trapped and such a failure. My hair is falling out through stress, my weight is plummeting and I feel like I’m wading through quicksand when I get up. I’m vomiting intermittently and my head is pounding. I just want to die.

Well done @cluster, so glad you’ve had a good day. Once you get the first one out of the way you will amaze yourself at what you can achieve. Very best of luck for tomorrow. You won’t be able to do it all tomorrow as some companies, the council for example, won’t have the right staff there at the weekend, but getting started with the action plan is the important thing.
💐

Glad you had a better day.

You will feel so much better once you have done the letters. Good luck

@clusterfukt well done you you've done a very hard thing and a very scary thing. keep on taking those small steps in the right direction, you'll do it. It will be tough keeping everything on track so be gentle in yourself. I'm glad that the dark thoughts have lessened. Have you contacted the GP to talk your feelings through?

It will get better.

So glad you are feeling better OP, wishing you all the best x

Stepchange
They are great and so so understanding

Am not sure where you are OP but the Mental Health and Money Advice service should be able to help. They contact creditors for you and do DRO. They are specialists in helping people whose debt is badly affecting their mental health.

Call free phone 08088010373 and select your country.

Hi I used to be a Debt Advisor for Stepchange, they won't contact your creditors for you in your situation unless you say you will be expecting a positive change to your situation within the next 12 months. If you tell them your husband will be getting work in the next 12 months they may put you on a Token Payment Plan, where they take the £1 payments from you and deal with the creditors on your behalf. If you are not going to have any changes they will send you the ppw to do this yourself. There are strict requirements for DRO's, if Stepchange haven't recommended this you may not be eligible

Ah ignore me, I see you're doing it yourself. Good luck and well done OP. The only way from here is up.

Just want to drop in a message of support. I was £27k in debt but crawled out of it. It can be done. I would strongly recommend a DRO if you are suitable. From what it sounds like your credit will be trashed now anyway so you may as well wipe the slate clean. I had some money to service the debts and avoided doing a debt management plan as I didnt want to trash my credit, it ended up trashed anyway as i couldn't keep up. I would have saved thousands in fees and have had my credit cleaned up sooner if I had just gone for it.

I would do all contact in writing and just ignore any phone calls. Block them if you can. It stops them trying to bully you into making larger payments. You have made the first step and that is amazing.

Good luck OP!

Thank you for these messages, a bad day today unfortunately. Sinking again ☹️ Wish I could just pull myself together and just deal with this. I will keep coming back and looking at what you’re all saying to try and stay on track. It’s hard though, I keep trying to bury my head again and I really don’t want to fall in to that habit again.

I know what you feel like. I’m not in debt, but I repeatedly find myself pushing a massive rock up a huge mountain, only for it to roll down again. Do something nice for you. It’s a hard battle.

Hope today is better, its as with anything worth doing there will always be setbacks. Have you been able to make a start on it yet?

One step at a time, do one thing positive today towards getting on track you can do it. Stay strong

Clusterfukt I'm definitely a head in the sand kind of guy , and you've inspired me to tackle my own financial mess (steaming pile of rotting garbage, more like).

Today I've written out part of the list of direct debits, subscriptions and other bills and the dates they occur on. I managed to miss paying the phone bill this month because I'd forgotten the date and hadn't transferred money, next month it will be double. I also have half of a school trip bill to pay (other half us already paid) and get a passport for dc

And that's on top of the other messes. Wednesday I'm going to choose the three top late payments and call/write to them and rinse repeat until I've tackled them all.

I'm also trying to do a budget around all if this. Especially as one if the dc's maybe moving school soon,so uniform and transport. I all mounts up and comes at you from different directions

So I get how you feel about this and how easy it is to get low again

Payplan helped me out of £60,00 of debt a few years ago, they literally saved my life and my sanity. I was put in an IVA which is like bankruptcy but less stringent, it stays on your record for six years but it really helped me out. Payplan.com

Hope this helps x

@clusterfukt did you go to the CAB? How are you feeling now?

I have done exactly nothing to address my ongoing issues with debt. Zero.
I haven’t written the letters because I’m back to pretending everything is ok. My head is very firmly back in the sand.

I disagree with the PPs who advised you to write the letters.
I still think you should visit/contact Citizens Advice.
We help people with debt and mental health problems all the time.
You don't have to look at the paperwork, you just chuck it all in a bag and take it with you.
It's less overwhelming when there is a kind and competent stranger helping you through it.

I have literally gone through a client's bag of unopened letters (with their permission). The client was a bit stressed (had to take a fag break!) but I did it at their pace and they felt loads better afterwards.

Op I had a DRO 6 years ago. It wasn't that hard and my financial situation has changed dramatically since then. I'd really encourage you to do it. I actually didn't feel that bad about the debt being written off in the end. I thought I would but I'd been chased loads and felt like shit so was just relieved.

OP am going to sound like an interfering mother but get your head back out of the sand if that's still where it is & make an appointment with CAB!
In the meantime write down what you are getting monthly & what you have to pay out as well so that you are prepared for the meeting

Have you been to the GP yet?

Op i have no good advice to give, but i would like to say that i am so sorry that you are feeling really crap abd that you are in this situation. I hope that you can find a way through this (((hug)))

Not sure about sex workOP..when i worked as the receptionist in 'massage parlour' for a while in N.Z (only job i could get quickly without full visa) all the girls were dependent on drugs or alcohol & did at least5guys each a nite..so hard work despite the offer of better money i couldnt bring myself to do it.The smell of the rooms i had to inspect,stories&banter i still remember20yrs on..
I cant believe your DH wont pull his finger out knowing how its fallen on your shoulders to assume the role of main earner..imagine him trawling his arse up &down looking for punters

Please call CAP capuk.org