Considering suicide or sex work because of debt

[Clusterfukt]

I’ve started this thread six times today. I am yet to get out of bed.
Last night I finally stopped burying my head in the sand and opened all my letters from creditors that have been building up on the hallway table.
I also looked at my credit report and have calculated almost £10,000 worth of unpaid debts.
They’re all chasing me and I can’t cope anymore.
In addition to that I also have
£2700 council tax debt
£800 of water charges debt
£1000 British Gas debt
The only thing not in debt is my rent payments.
I work full time on a zero hours contract when work drops off I earn nothing.
DH was made redundant 18 months ago and hasn’t done enough to find a new job.
Everything is on my shoulders everything.
I hate myself and haven’t stopped crying all day.
We have 3 DCs
After all outgoings I have zero left to pay debt. Zero.
Death would end it but I can’t do it to my children. Sex work would destroy me but I feel like I have no choice.
DH has taken the kids to his mums for a few hours while I’m buried in my pillow just sobbing.
I hate myself and want it all to end. I’m so trapped and such a failure. My hair is falling out through stress, my weight is plummeting and I feel like I’m wading through quicksand when I get up. I’m vomiting intermittently and my head is pounding. I just want to die.

Would going bankrupt be an option?

Sorry my mistake I think StepChange does do DROs, please ignore my last post!

No bankruptcy would not be the best option

Can your DH help with that?

Thank you everyone for your replies, I’m sorry I’m just ranting away I’m just so stressed and upset.
Do appreciate all of your input. I will read through them all when I’ve calmed down a bit, right now I just can’t function properly. I just can’t deal with anything. I just want to die

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed

Don't worry about ranting, OP. Anyone in your position would rant! Better to rant here than keep it all in.

Does your local CAB have a drop in service?

I think they do. I need to look it up.

Sometimes ranting is what you need to do, getting the words out there I hope is helping.

While you have some time to yourself, get outside for a bit, go for a walk its much easier to get your head to calm down in the open air.

You don't have to do everything all at once but look after you too.

@AnotherEmma, I did my DRO with Stepchange - they act as intermediary between you and the insolvency services, as would CAB/Payplan etc.

I have been in exactly this position OP.

There are template letters for writing to companies offering a token payment. I think I found them on moneysavingexpert. I sent the letter to each company we owed money to, they requested outgoings, there is a template for that online too, might be in stepchange or national debtline website. Once they'd seen we couldn't afford repayments they accepted £1 a month as token payment , reviewed after six months. It'll give you some space to think.

I'm not sure what you can do about dp. My dh was the same but did eventually find work. Maybe turn off the electricity at the mains secretly and say it's been cut off, so he can't play games/ watch tv etc until he actively searches for ANY work. Maybe that's a silly idea, but anything you can do to push him into finding a job ...

I think most people have been in debt, at one point I was £26k in debt on credit cards with nothing to show for it....

The first positive step you have made is opening the letters. It is so so hard to do, and takes so much strength to see in writing how much you owe. But now you know.
The next step is working out how to deal with it.

Your OH needs to get a job. Any job. ANY job. I cannot believe he hasn't in all this time?!

How old are your children? Does he look after them in the day? If he does he can work in the evenings and weekends. If he doesn't he can work day and night if he needs to.
Why has he not worked for all this time while you're both getting in so much debt?

The next step is to write down who you owe what to, call them and explain what's going on. They will want to try and help. They want to try and get their money back if they can, so will try and help you come up with a solution.

Go and see the CAB, speak to someone and get their advice. Speak to some of the suggestions other posters have made.

The last resort could be bankruptcy. It's not an easy option at all, and will bugger up your credit for the next 5-6 years, BUT it is an option.

Please don't do anything bad, and don't think sex work is a way out, it isn't. There IS another way, you just need to pick up the phone and make some steps to change things.

You can do this, you will do it for your children.

Remove the internet box when you go to work, & the TV cable,
Tell him he needs to get work, ANY work, tomorrow.

Hello OP,

we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

You may want to take a look at our financial difficulty webpage - it contains lots of information that you may find useful, including debt management resources.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

, OP.

You've had some great advice and as someone who had more debt than you in my early 20s (£35k) it's crippling.

I'll just add you need to sort the Council tax as a priority as to not pay it is an imprisonable offence in England (Scotland, N. Ireland and Wakes no longer imprison).

There are people who will help. Another organisation is CAP (Christians against poverty) They help everyone, not just Christians. They come to your house and work out a plan, write to creditors and stay alongside you through the process, providing emotional as well as practical help, which it sounds like you would appreciate. Well done for starting the journey, you can do this.

You can get a DRO (Debt relief order) which covers upto £20,000 of debt. Collate all your documents of debt, go to your local CAB (or stepchange) and they will help you arrange it.

I'm not sure if you can include Council Tax debt (CAB will advise), but everything else should be covered. It lasts a year nd then all the debt included will be wiped. You will have trouble getting credit in the future for I think 6 years or so, but thats probably a good thing.

Take a deep breath, it's just money, not worth loosing your life over, it will be okay.

Someone I know just went bankrupt. You get assigned a worker and they go through all your debts, you don't have to know everything and if another one crops up it can go on your bankruptcy after you've applied. It cost £900 but once it's done it's done. In 6 years there's no debt. The only thing is you have absolutely no credit to fall back on.

Op contact Christians against poverty they will contact the people that you owe money so you don't have to and they will help you to find a manageable way to repay. You don't have to be religious to receive support from them.

Yes you can include Council Tax debt in a Debt Relief Order.
I repeat, that is much more likely to be the best option for the OP (if eligible) than bankruptcy.

There's churches that have debt counselling services that are free (and not contingent on you attending) they can work with you to get a plan together. Meanwhile how old are your kids? Why can't your dh get a job (even a zero hours contract) nights for instance pays a bonus often, he can look for better work once he's earning again - dd worked for McDonald's, it's money and plenty of opportunities for overtime

Thanks again everyone, and thanks MN for your concern. I’ve had some lovely private messages with really helpful advice so thank you to those users as well. I’ve requested a DRO application pack from StepChange and will start the token payment letters at the weekend. There’s lots of them so it’s a bit of a task.
I can’t believe DH hasn’t got a job in 18 months either he claims he’s applying but getting rejected for everything, which I find very hard to believe I think he’s just not making as much effort as he could because he likes being at home with our DD age 3, she goes to nursery 5 mornings a week and I think he sits on his arse or goes to the gym until he has to pick her up! He tells people he’s a “house husband” which would be fine but everything he does around the house is half arsed and I end up doing most of it again in the evenings and weekends. He does cook most nights though and washes up but never cleans floors or bathroom/toilet, changes beds or makes sure the older two (15 & 12) do their homework.
He’s a ‘fun’ dad and pisses about with them and makes them all laugh but it’s not so funny when I’ve got 3 packed lunches to make and uniforms to iron on top of work I need to bring home and the bathroom to clean and laundry to finish, everything to worry about and manage and work to attend 8hrs a day! Arrrghhh maybe I’m just a demanding bitch but I can’t cope anymore.

How would you stand financially if you separated and he left the family home?

OP people always recommend Stepchange on MN but there is a great - and free - company called Payplan who will help you and THEY contact all your creditors so you don't have to. Their service is completely free and they're very nice people.

I used them many years ago when I was in much more debt than you and felt as desperate as you do now. Payplan made agreements with all my creditors and 6 years later I had paid off all my debts with their help.

Please contact them. You will need to phone them and document all your incomings and outgoings but they will do the legwork of talking to all your creditors so you don't have to.

www.payplan.com/debt-solutions/debt-management-plans/

Allow yourself some time to be upset then call them. They will help you out of this dark place.

Do you qualify for any benefits? Universal credit takes into account hours that change so low wage months you'll get more than high wage months.