Considering suicide or sex work because of debt

[Clusterfukt]

I’ve started this thread six times today. I am yet to get out of bed.
Last night I finally stopped burying my head in the sand and opened all my letters from creditors that have been building up on the hallway table.
I also looked at my credit report and have calculated almost £10,000 worth of unpaid debts.
They’re all chasing me and I can’t cope anymore.
In addition to that I also have
£2700 council tax debt
£800 of water charges debt
£1000 British Gas debt
The only thing not in debt is my rent payments.
I work full time on a zero hours contract when work drops off I earn nothing.
DH was made redundant 18 months ago and hasn’t done enough to find a new job.
Everything is on my shoulders everything.
I hate myself and haven’t stopped crying all day.
We have 3 DCs
After all outgoings I have zero left to pay debt. Zero.
Death would end it but I can’t do it to my children. Sex work would destroy me but I feel like I have no choice.
DH has taken the kids to his mums for a few hours while I’m buried in my pillow just sobbing.
I hate myself and want it all to end. I’m so trapped and such a failure. My hair is falling out through stress, my weight is plummeting and I feel like I’m wading through quicksand when I get up. I’m vomiting intermittently and my head is pounding. I just want to die.

Definitely contact Christians Against Poverty and have an honest conversation with your DH. He gets a job ASAP or goes.

Are you mortgaged OP? If so I’d be tempted to just walk away from all of it, file for bankruptcy, turn up at the council homeless with just your kids in tow abd start again without the husband.

I am prone to being dramatic though so I’m sure that’s absolute worst case scenario. Please, please, please do not think of dying because of debt. Nowadays there’s so many ways to solve that particular problem so please don’t do anything you can’t undo.

Op you are not a demanding wife! you are not nearly demanding enough, kick his sorry rear into gear.
I cannot believe you have had to shoulder all of that alone you poor thing.

LIke others have said your children need you more than anything...no one will shoot you for having debt..many before you have been in the same situation and whilst unpleasant it can be resolved.

Register your DH's CV on a few websites for jobs that start straight away, tell him you will divorce him if he doesn't turn up, try hard to impress and take ANY job that he can....he needs a serious shake up.
Put all your stress onto him, why should you carry this alone?

If he was working ft then there would be a fair pot of money to budget repayments and the stress would be lifted.

A few months from now things could look so much better op...hang in there..

As much as this feels like an impossible situation OP, it's not. It will get better. Have you contacted your local Citizens Advice? They will be the first step and will help you.

Also go to see your GP, they can help with debt advise or point you in the right direction, but, more importantly, they will help you through this mentally.

I am currently working my way through debt and have felt like you have many times. It's a situation that is completely fixable. When you feel up to it on one of your better days, please reach out to CA and your GP. I found just taking the first step was a massive relief and helped me feel back in control.

No mortgage, joint tenancy. Alone I’m not sure what I’d be entitled to.
DD3 gets free 15 hours at the moment and will get that again come September, if DH would just find work she could get 30hrs free from September. I’d be home in the holidays to take care of her as I’m effectively TTO as work don’t offer me hours in the holidays at the moment as I’m not needed in ratios.

Your life is worth so much more than a few quid to some big companies. I’ve been in lots of debt before (more than you), with no way out. Contact every organisation/charity you can find that could help. Even your local credit union. They’ve heard it all before so won’t judge you one bit. You can do this, do not give up xxx

I think you need to spend some calm time to have a chat with your DH too, could MIL maybe have the little ones for a few hours?

I wonder if he's maybe depressed or suffering and trying to hide it from you all after being made redundant. He's not pulling his weight around the house and you are absolutely not 'a demanding bitch' for expecting equal division of chores and for him to put effort into getting a job and you can not handle this alone he has to step up and be an adult.

Unfortunately I think there is a selfish husband/partner behind the vast majority of severely depressed women.

I'm sure plenty will disagree with me but this stress hasn't come from nowhere, OP feels alone in shouldering the financial and practical burden.

OP you need to get support from your GP, family and friends. You can't force him to support you or get on board with resolving the debt situation. All you can do is point out how you feel and crack on with doing what you have to do to look after yourself and your children. If he doesn't work with you, you will need to seriously consider ending it, but that's further down the line, it's absolutely not a decision to make now when you're feeling so low.

OP I work for a free debt management company and we see cases like yours every day. I am not trying to minimise the pain this is causing you but I want you to know you are not alone and something can be done. There are various solutions such as debt management plans, IVAs, bankruptcy and DRO’s depending which you are eligible for and what suits you best.
Taking the first steps is tremendously difficult and terrifying but once you have done it you will feel such relief. I know if feels like so much effort but it will be worth it.
Just a point though, creditors will expect your OH to seek employment.

OP, I’ve been in a similar situation and it’s awful. Have you checked to see whether you can claim for any PPI/charges on any of your accounts? I did this and got thousands of pounds back, it almost entirely cleared my debts.

Sorry to hear this. What great advice you are bring offered. I hope you pull through this, you have been brave taking the first step and reaching out. Stay strong xx

Payplan can’t help as there’s nothing left to pay in to a payment plan.

Payplan can’t help as there’s nothing left to pay in to a payment plan.

They can get the interest frozen and ask your creditors to agree to £1 a month as a repayment. Which is a 1000 times better than your current situation.

Please go to the citizens advice tomorrow. I used to be a debt advisor there. Take every single letter. They will organise everything for you and all future letters and communications will be direct to your advisor. Please go, I know you will feel better after it. There is a way out this for sure. But your DH needs a kick up the arse.

OP if I am allowed i am linking to a debt and mental health guide.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide/

You can get through this, we understand the feelings.

Nit sure how it works but there’s a government backed debt write off scheme if you owe 10k plus I think you get a big big percentage written off

HundredMilesAnHour They’ve told me I have to contact my creditors myself as they’re unable to help me.

Then do it. Contact them. Yes, it is embarrassing. But you're doing it to help your family.. No shame in that

You don't have to contact your creditors yourself if you're feeling suicidal. Your priority is to see the GP. And you should see Citizens Advice as they will usually contact creditors for you - or at least help you write letters - if you're not up to it.

Also bear in mind that if you tell your creditors you have mental health issues there are extra rules they have to follow not to harass you too much basically.

Call the GP in the morning and make a same-day emergency appointment. Having thoughts of suicide and serious self-harm needs urgent attention.

Have a very stern word with your lazy husband. These are his debts too.

Then get along to CAB - maybe with your husband too so he can feel some of the weight of this and not leave it to you.

If you do have to contact creditors yourself, I can assure you that the dread of doing it is the worst bit - once you're over the hurdle you will begin to feel better and more in control.

You'll get through this and when you do you'll be glad you found the strength to push on and not give up on life.

DinosaurDress I am doing it, I did say up thread I would start at the weekend.

How are you feeling this morning OP? You made some great first steps yesterday, hope you weren’t too overwhelmed and that everyone here gave you some hope 💐

Does your husband know how bad it is or have you kept it all bottled up? If you are working outside the home and he is at home, then he needs to step up and help you sort this. If he wants to be a SAHD, then there’s nothing wrong with that, but it needs to be his job, not something he just pisses about at.

I think you need a BIG talk with your husband and lay it on the line. There’s absolutely no reason that he can’t contact creditors and do the legwork. You need to stop enabling his laziness and start working as a team.

Ultimately, you got in this mess together and you need to get out of it together. No-one is going to do it all for you (which obviously you realise, but lots of posters seem to think there’s a magic anti-debt fairy).

Hell everyone, thanks for checking up on me. I’ve had a much better day. My lovely SIL came and kidnapped myself and DD for a ‘girlie’ day at her house and I have been truly pampered with home made facials and nails and toenails painted, she’s such a lovely person. I feel a bit dazed and removed from myself but the suicidal thoughts have lessened a lot, every now and then my mind ‘goes there’ but I’m managing to snap myself back, spending with gorgeous DD today is keeping me focussed on what I and all my DCs would lose if I wasn’t here any longer.
DH does know how bad I feel? I’ve been very open and honest with him the last few days, he knows he’s fucking up and he’s being apologetic and making promises but I’ve told him actions speak louder than words.
Tomorrow I begin the dreaded creditor contacts! Wish me luck

Hello! Not hell 🤦🏻‍♀️