Lost all hope.

[Lostthepointoflife]

Posting here as a last resort. No one cares about me anymore. I can’t talk to my parents. I don’t want to bother my friends anymore with my problems.

I’m falling behind at school. My anxiety keeps worsening, my panic attacks are getting worse. I can’t stop harming myself. Tried counselling but given up. Everyone’s getting tired of me and I don’t want to bother anyone anymore.

Anxiety is worsening, depression is worsening, panic attacks are getting stronger. I can’t go on antidepressants as too young. No one will care anymore if I go. There’s nothing I want to do more than just end it all.

@cakeandchampagne I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Today has certainly been better than yesterday but not necessarily the best. I’ve been told I’m getting a “time out” pass for when I have panic attacks. At least tomorrow I won’t have to stay all day

Anything I can possible self harm with (razors, nail cutters, scissors, even hair straighteners!!) has been taken away from me. Aibu to think my parents are being over protective

I think they are trying to help. If you had serious weight/health issues, they would try to have less junk food in the house, right?
I’m glad today was a little better.

You’ve got a point there. But, on the plus side I did get some things back (hair straighteners+nail cutters). Had my blood test today

Someone today mentioned about how no one can be scared of everything and I’ve just realised that’s true for me. Anxiety’s gotten to the point of where I can’t get out of bed, don’t want to leave the house or anything.

Are there some common things you are not scared of, but many people are? Spiders? Heights? Public speaking? Flying?

Nope nothing that’s common that I’m not scared of

Well, you managed your blood test- and some people are very afraid of all needles. There’s that.
Do you have any weekend plans? If your window is in a good spot, you can at least see some of what the rest of the world is doing today.

I was bloody terrified about the blood test but in the end it went fine. (Getting results on Tuesday). Tomorrow planning to go on a hike, otherwise for the next week I have piles and piles of revision for exams

Sorry, I didn’t know the blood test would be so stressful for you.

Lucky you! I love to hike!

I had an okay-ish weekend. But unfortunately I know I am getting worse again. It’s bloody obvious now. People I hardly talk to anymore have noticed the difference now. Every day gets harder and harder now

Preparing for exams can be very stressful. Are you rewarding yourself? Are you taking some breaks? Go easy on the caffeine & sugar.
You can do this!

When your friends think you are doing worse, what do they notice?

@cakeandchampagne definitely taking breaks & rewarding myself.

Typically when I’m getting worse I’ll zone out and not talk, not respond at all, go completely unaware of what’s going on around me. Eg even if they patted my arm to get my attention it wouldn’t work, this frequently happens. This happens frequently when I begin to get worse

Catatonic?
Or more like just deeply focused on something- like when you’re watching something really good & don’t hear your microwave ding?

Can you say why you hardly talk to them anymore?

@cakeandchampagne I think it’s both-sometimes I’m focused on something whereas others I completely loose focus.

I don’t talk to them that much anymore as I have stopped trusting pretty much all my friends (not just my friends-pretty much everyone I know) therefore try to avoid contact

You poor thing. Wish I could help you. My ds had a depression a few years ago and really suffered. I was scared shitless. It is so hard to know what to do to help. He was given ads, and when they started working, cognitive therapy. It took time, but it worked.

I don't think you are too young for ads, have heard of several young people who get ads. Will you be able to make an appointment with your gp again and tell him you have thoughts about not being here?

Really wish I could help. I know it's not great advice, but taking walks, running etc. May make you feel a teeny bit better. Hugs to you.

Trust is a big deal.
Maybe your friends have done or said some harmful things to you?

There are many times you have to trust strangers a bit-
when you get takeaway, get a haircut, ride a bus or taxi, get an x-ray, etc.
The odds of those things going fine are strongly in your favor.

@cakeandchampagne I find it a lot easier to trust strangers (eg person at the coffee shop, people on MN) than my friends as many of them have done things in the past which have broken my trust.

FWIW, there’s only 1 person that I 100% trust now, can’t trust anyone else now

@ticklingcheese I hope your DS is better now

@ticklingcheese I am awaiting an appointment with CAHMS fwiw. I think I’ll likely have AD’s as have been down the therapy route and it isn’t working (had counselling so I don’t know if CBT would work). I don’t know when the appointment is with CAHMS but the waiting list for counselling was 9 months so unsure about CAHMS. I was told they’d unlikely prescribe ADs on the first appointment so if I were to go back I don’t know what’d happen

Hi lost, thank you, my ds is so much better now. There is hope 😀.

The reason I suggested going to the gp again, is because I don't think they should/can ignore suicide thoughts. Please don't dispair. Get some ads as soon as you can. Yes it's scary taking medicin, but if it helps... And therapists (atleast cognitive) seem to think you get more out of counseling, when on ads.

Can't stress enough that even though it seems very dark now, things will get better. I'm sending you virtual strenght 💐.

Sorry some of your friends aren’t trustworthy. Friends can be so much fun! Until they tell your secrets, sleep with your boyfriend, etc.

@cakeandchampagne so true 😔

@ticklingcheese I didn’t tell the GP about how I harm myself/have suicidal thoughts. My parents want me to not tell anyone about that. I know, it was a stupid thing to do but it’s done now. I have so much anxiety about going to the doctors, even though I know they are there to help me

Oh, lost i certainly understand. The more you need the gp, the more intimidating it seems. When very depressed and anxious, it is so hard to make yourself do anything, let alone get help. But this is very serious, I don't know your family dynamics and hate to interfere. BUT the worst you can do when seeking help is minimize and not tell how you are thinking/feeling.

Please, please phone your gp and tell the truth, I don't think you have to tell your parents. And if so, it is not them suffering, it is you that is in need of help and no matter what kind of help is required, you have to have it.

Hugs and strenght to you, I wish I could be of more help 💐.