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Original poster

Lost all hope.

140 replies

Lostthepointoflife · 15/05/2019 20:37

Posting here as a last resort. No one cares about me anymore. I can’t talk to my parents. I don’t want to bother my friends anymore with my problems.

I’m falling behind at school. My anxiety keeps worsening, my panic attacks are getting worse. I can’t stop harming myself. Tried counselling but given up. Everyone’s getting tired of me and I don’t want to bother anyone anymore.

Anxiety is worsening, depression is worsening, panic attacks are getting stronger. I can’t go on antidepressants as too young. No one will care anymore if I go. There’s nothing I want to do more than just end it all.

OP posts:
cakeandchampagne · 17/05/2019 00:09

Good luck with your exams.
They are important in a way, but they are also a very small part of everything.

Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 17/05/2019 07:58

Morning all, thank you all for your support. ‘Luckily’ exam is midday so will have a chance to talk to someone once I get to school. Just hoping my parents aren’t called or I get sent home again

OP posts:
redwoodmazza · 17/05/2019 08:02

Be strong.

bluebell34567 · 17/05/2019 09:41

you have exam, they wouldnt send you home, would they?
and what happens if they call your parents? they best know so they can help.
anyway good luck with your exam!

Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 17/05/2019 10:04

@bluebell23567 they’d likely send me home after the exam. I’d i don’t rlly fell comfortable talking to my parent about my self harm

OP posts:
bluejelly · 17/05/2019 18:45

How are you OP?

cakeandchampagne · 17/05/2019 19:39

You are mature enough to have a good idea of how your parents would react.
I think you are also mature enough to know you need some professional help.

How did things go today? Please let us know. We care.

Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 17/05/2019 20:12

Today certainly hasn’t been the best. 4 panic attacks and I forgot some things during the exam and by the time I remembered there was only 10 minutes left. Several people have told me several times that this exam doesn’t matter but I know I haven’t done it well at all.

One teacher saw my self harm so reported it and they phoned my parents again. Cue a stressful evening. At least it’s the weekend now I suppose

OP posts:
cakeandchampagne · 17/05/2019 20:36

Star You showed up for the exam. You managed 4 panic attacks.

You are the first person ever to forget some exam stuff! Not. Smile

They notified your parents about the self-harming, and your parents will be ???
Angry with you? Silent & uncaring? Threatening to punish you in some way?

Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 17/05/2019 22:13

@cakeandchampagne angry with me. Also, very disappointed but also angry

OP posts:
Blessthekids · 17/05/2019 22:14

Well done for finishing the exam. I hope you are receiving some support from your parents and resting.

bluebell34567 · 17/05/2019 23:24

they dont sound supportive really. i think thats why you are so anxious. do you think there is a way to get out of your home situation? do you have any supportive relatives? friends?
if not there are some good advices given above, you may consider them.
but dont forget to visit your gp and explain your problems very well.
we are thinking of you.

bluebell34567 · 17/05/2019 23:25

also there are some threads here about dysfunctional families here, you can get some ideas there.

user764329056 · 17/05/2019 23:33

Do you have close friends/ other relatives you could confide in OP?
Regarding your exams, I can still remember feeling as if they were the be all and end all of my life at the time and think it’s natural to feel that way under pressure, but now many decades later can say hand on heart that it will be ok, whatever the results, there are ways around everything in life even when we feel our problems are the size of a mountain. Thinking of you and hoping you feel better this weekend xx

Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 18/05/2019 09:18

I do have a supportive older cousin however she is currently in her first year at uni so it can be hard to find a time to talk (I’m seeing her tonight too!). She also had similar issues to me.

My friend is going through family problems herself so I don’t want to bother her with mine.

But the thing I find easiest is talking to my friend as she understands, however, she doesn’t live in England so it can be hard to find a time to talk due to time zones etc.

One of my teachers confided in me yesterday (after my idiotic mistake) that she had similar problems to me which really helped.

@bluebell34567 I have been reading some of those threads which has helped

OP posts:
cakeandchampagne · 18/05/2019 12:16

I’m glad you’ll see your cousin tonight!
I hope you and your friend can talk soon.
Maybe you wish your parents hadn’t been notified, but now you know at least one teacher has some understanding & cares.
Have some fun this weekend- and let us know how you are doing.

Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 18/05/2019 23:38

All in all, today was much better than the past week has been. Unfortunately my mother’s attitude towards my anxiety has been horrible, which has put a dampener on the night. No way in hell am I talking to her about my problems now. Blush

OP posts:
cakeandchampagne · 19/05/2019 01:35

Sorry about your mother’s attitude. Is she like that with everybody?

Try to enjoy Sunday! :) Maybe you can get outside for a bit.

bluebell34567 · 19/05/2019 08:25

is there any way you can explain to her how her behaviour upsets you?
is there anyone she can listen to? like your cousin maybe?
she should be supporting you, not hurting you. you are her child.
if you cant do anything about it the best way is ignoring her attitude till you get your independence.

Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 19/05/2019 10:31

@cakeandchampagne she is basically like that with most people that aren’t in her family (eg so most of my dad’s family).

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 19/05/2019 10:33

@bluebell34567 I don’t think i’ll Be able to explain it to her as she can be kinda scary when mad and I don’t want to have a panic attack in front of her (this has happened before☹️).

She has tried to listen to a teacher who phoned her and is taking me to the GP sometime next week (if we can get an appointment).

I think for now ignoring her attitude is the best thing to do

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 19/05/2019 10:34

Also does anyone know if teens HAVE to have their parents in the room while having a mental health appointment at the doctor? Would prefer it if they weren’t there

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 19/05/2019 10:41

Yes you can see a doctor without a parent: www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/getting-help/visiting-your-doctor/

Is it possible that your mother's annoyance is actually her masking how scared she is? It is very common for people to come across as annoyed when actually they are scared.

I would also suggest asking the doctor for blood tests to rule out any vitamin & mineral deficiencies, iron levels and thyroid function - all of which can cause mental health problems.

Original poster
Lostthepointoflife · 19/05/2019 13:15

@chocolateworshipper it is possible that might be happening.

I am due for a blood test sometime soon, only thing is I know they’ll see my self harm scars (therefore a bit scared) as I have several obvious ones on my arms ...

OP posts:
cakeandchampagne · 19/05/2019 13:23

Then your blood test is a good opportunity to talk a bit about things without your mother being present, right?