Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

Just had dd so anxious to go into school they had to come and get her.

So now I am sat with dust in my eye in the car.

The meeting before half term was ok. The sendco was called away so it ended up being with usual contact. No more interventions they can do apparently, as counselling would interfere with psychologist I am planning. However they think more regular contact by me with individual teachers is the way to go as it has proved effective with the couple I have done it with.

Went to psychologist also for first session, she was great. Dd wants to carry on but without me there. No slots until December though which is not ideal. She is afraid of everything I am finding. :(

Annesorry to hear things are so stressful.ive had dd2 in full blown panic attack last night.a friend has decided needs to move to maximise concentration for GCSE in English,and she rely on sit next someone and a little chatting to control her growing anxiety.plus doesn't cope change so switch back to school today she's a nervous wreck.starting to think we heading into another asd pathway...

TAF meeting here yesterday.school challenged (again) over lack of work.we now have a caseworker regarding EHCP shesvisiting on 22nd.camhs and school have to submit paperwork by 6th Dec,so feels like things moving forward a little.my lack of sleep was flagged up as cause for concern(I can nod off easily,just don't stay asleep) to which I refuse see Dr as sleep meds won't be helpful as D's wakes in night and I see no point wasting their time just going to tell them I don't sleep,esp as I see it as hormonal(or decreasing hormones really)can't decide I feel hopeful or deflated.iys hard having your life picked over!!
Hope everyone's doing ok

Anne, I hope the rest of the week has been easier than Monday for DD. More contact with teachers sounds beneficial. It's poor the school won't provide additional support. I do not believe that there isn't anything else they could try, there's lots they could do short of counselling. DD wanting to carry on with the psychologist must be a relief, getting them to engage is half the battle in my experience.

I hope this doesn't offend you Zoo as that's not my intention, I have dithered over whether to post this or not. Not seeking medical care when concerns about your health have been raised will be a concern for professionals. TAF's can be mentally draining, I hope you are being kind to yourself today.

Have you heard whether the LA are going to assess? You must be approaching week 6? Have you written to the LA's Director of Children's Services threatening Judicial Review re lack of educational provision?

Is there a youth group for teens with ASD or SN locally? If DS wants to socialise it could be a safe place to work towards. We sometimes go to a SN sports group. DS1 doesn't join in with others, but I think it's important for him to still be around peers, as without a push he wouldn't leave the house or exercise. It's a balancing act juggling differing needs isn't it? I hope DD2 settled back into school easier than she anticipated.

DS1 isn't liking the cold, darker, wet weather. It's making him more anxious.

one-step no offence taken.yes they are looking to assess I think as we are allocated a caseworker

That's brilliant they've agreed to assess. Make sure you request any assessments you think are needed in writing - SALT, OT, social care etc.

I am making a list of independent living and self care skills the average child should be able to do by the end of primary school. I have forgotten what average NT children of that age are capable of . DS' skills are lacking, partly due to their needs and party because it's easier and quicker for me or DH to do it, and we need to work on them. Any suggestions welcome.

one-step by end primary "average" kids tend to
*Make beds/tidy own rooms
*Help other chores around home
*Make own breakfasts/some do own lunches
*Walk to school with friends

Ps I've no idea what assessments he needs/I should be asking for

As well as CAMHS and school I would say EP, SALT, OT, social care at the very least. Has he ever seen a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist? This IPSEA page gives good advice.

• They do keep their rooms tidy and DS2&3 make (but not change) their beds.
• Other than tidying up and setting the table for dinner they don't do any chores.
• They don't make their own breakfast or lunch. They have basic baking and cooking skills, especially DS1.
• They aren't at the stage of being able to walk to school on their own.

Oh dear . Please don't judge. DDs were much more independent at this age. I really feel I have dropped the ball here, if I am honest I have babied them a bit, and a conversation today made me realise just how 'behind' they are in self care/independence.

I don't think he has one-step,just medic at camhs..

I'm super guilty of babying D's.its quicker and easier and I've started to realise recently he's 14 in December and can barely pour cereal without a tableful of mess,let alone prep more complicated thing😔we cook cakes together sometimes,but I seriously need u p my game

Hugs to you all. I baby mine too but am cutting myself some slack as you should too cos they all know they are loved and we have their back.

I am trying to look at the glass half full or would crack up. I fainted this morning and needed 12 stitches. The school were brilliant but it has made me realise how vulnerable I feel. DS had his first meltdown in ages last week because Blackpool was so cold. He then started taking off his hat scarf and coat. A girl in the tower was nice to me and gave us a voucher for free drinks and that was it, I blubbed all over the place. And I applied for 3 jobs and didn't even get shortlisted and they were minimum wage educational jobs - I am QTS. I think my age and the fact I had to leave my last job because of DS both count against me - I wrote caring responsibilities as reason for leaving but did not explain it.
It's cold and lonely and the only ray of hope is that he is still in school. But his needs/skills are still being compared against the fact that he is 2 years behind as opposed to where he actually should be at. I love the school, love them, love his teacher but am concerned about anticipatory needs, will review at Christmas.
Wishing you warm hugs and as good a weekend as we can have. X

Cling to the fact he's in school still rageyou ardoing so well in the circumstances

Oh no Rage. & to go with Zoo's & . It's still very early days. Could you consider agencies to get something recent on your CV?

one-step I've just had hospital and outreach turn up.they has booked app,but not informed me!I let them in anyways despite place be ripe and I was wear joggers and an Xmas reindeer hoodie eager for any input!!they've agreed go away and see what they can do!suggested idea of perhaps a brief period of short home tutoring working towards over time a placement in one of their designated areas.currently there are 7kids in KS3 there.i finally feel hope!

Zoo - that's great.

Rage - that's a lot of stitches! Go to an agency and they will help you with your cv and possibly get you some temp work to get your confidence back.

1ststep - week has been up and down tbh.

The school are good. They always respond on the day when I flag a problem. I think they are just running out of ideas tbh. In a lot if ways she seems so capable to them. My concern is that she is developing some strategies at school so other than the areas where she clearly cant cope she is starting to mask more effectively - like she clearly has done for years. I dont want her to do that because it is so stressful and causes burnout and meltdowns at home. I want her to be able to be herself.

My friend has said I am a strong advocate for her and she is lucky. She is probably right, but it is hard work and draining at times.

Still havent done the dla form. Please keep on at me to fill it in...i feel like we bloody deserve something.

My dd2 I'm sure masks.shes exhausted and grouchy in evening on school data,and I know she sometimes used her toilet pass to slide off for a few minutes when things are getting to much.she always has water and mints on her these days which are coping strategies for feeling like her throats closing up.she won't let me in and I'm scared she will burn out trying to keep up the I'm fine

Another plus today!
Our rev at church has arranged for D's to attend "brick church" it's part of the TAF.we have three churches in our area that work together,and are funded better being a threesome.anyway this church is 20 mins(very old,stunning sandstone structure) walk and the curate who runs the group has ASD son.they can't call it Lego church(TM) so ...this month it's Joseph and his amazing coat of many colours.they tell the story then build!after they look everyone's creations,and they can talk if like about what built followed by some sandwiches and cake.its free too and open to all ages
He express idea would like to go to OT,but as o only get weekends with the girls and it's Sunday afternoons when I usually have time with them

Hello everyone,
I just saw this in active threads, and my heart leapt into my throat! My 13 yr old DD suffers from sever anxiety and depression, and to have found others who understand ... well, I'm actually in tears.

Short version - Since first taking DD to the GP for help in around May 2018, she has taken 2 overdoses (not enough to do physical damage, but awful nonetheless), had 2 different therapists with CAMHS, tried CBT, and now physio dynamic therapy, refused to go to school occasionally (school have been great, thank goodness) and last week been prescribed 5mg fluoxetine, as she has got herself into such a vicious cycle/negative spiral, the psychiatrist thinks it may help to break that, and give her a chance to move on. We have now got Early Help from Social Services involved so waiting to hear what they can do for us.

She is worried about everything at the moment, particularly friendships. Her self-esteem is virtually non-existent, and she rejects all reassurance that she is doing well at school, that her friends really do like her, she is not annoying (except when she asks "am I annoying?" 10 times in a row!).

DH finds it hard to deal with, his default reaction is frustration, which comes across as anger, and I am EXHAUSTED.

Thank you for listening, and I look forward to getting to know you all better, and hopefully be able to add my tuppenceworth occasionally.

Amiablewelcome lovely
So in case you've not back read the thread(and it would take a while) here's how we roll..
Feel free to dump your troubles and nip in occasionally,post daily if you wish (it doesn't have to be about DD if you are exhausted/family issues caused by stuff we are a friendly bunch and there is NO JUDGEMENT HERE - only if you live with someone with anxiety can you truly appreciate how mentally draining it can be.endless you shouldn't pander them/pull their socks up attitudes from people who think it's attention seeking etc.we have seen it all)
We love to hear small triumphs too.even as simple as put coats on and went gate by themselves if that's a big deal to them it's a big deal to achieve it and we love to celebrate successes other might just roll their eyes at the "ordinaryness" of it.we anxiety changes ordinary to extraordinary and we "get it"
So welcome aboard.rant,cry,chat and hang out with us.i check thread at least daily and there are others around too,so if we aren't instant responses it will be fairly soon
Have you other DC?how are things today?

Thanks Zoo!
I also have DS 9. He knows DD isn't very well, that she goes to a therapist, sometimes needs extra help etc, and he seems to be OK. He loves minecraft, and gets to spend more time on it when we are dealing with DD, so doesn't complain!

DD refused to go to school yesterday - she wouldn't even get dressed until we told her she could stay at home, but today she went without a murmur. Good days, bad days, you know. As she only started the fluoxetine yesterday (only 5mg a day) we are just waiting to see if that helps at all.

Probably the hardest thing is that she doesn't seem to want to be helped. Everything suggested is stupid and eon't work, what's the point etc. I also have depression, so I understand that, but it does make everything so much harder!

Brilliant Zoo. Exactly who you needed. Pity they didn't inform you they were coming, but that news outweighs it. Their plan sounds good. The home tutor should be introduced carefully and built up before transitioning to the unit.

I insisted the tutor started with Maths (DS1 likes and is good at it). Beginning with English risked DS1 disliking the tutor because they made him write. Let them know your DS' favourite subject. DS1 is better in a morning, so where possible that's when the tutor comes. It depends on who else they already have booked in though.

Not a problem for us, but some DC work best with male, female, older or younger tutors. Again, it depends on availability. Or some prefer tutoring at home, whilst others work better in e.g. the library. If the latter is true for your DS maybe the Church where possible so it is already familiar. When transitioning to a placement some have 1:1 tuition in the placement to begin with, to become familiar with the environment before joining a group.

Don't let them forget about you, contact them if you don't hear anything. One of the links I PM'ed you tells you their statutory duties. Where appropriate for DS' health a "suitable full time education" should be provided, including SEN provision. Full time isn't school hours if it's 1:1 tuition, because obviously you cover things quicker. Equally, once you have built up the time it shouldn't just be 1/2/5 hours a week (which LA's often try to get away with), unless DS can't cope.

I like the idea of Brick Church.

Welcome Amiable.

Anne, your friend is right. Do apply for DLA.

It is good the school respond quickly to problems, but it sounds like fire fighting. It would be better for DD if provision was in place so fewer issues arise. You are so right about masking. DD's needs aren't being met, so if they really can't do anything else (which I really struggle to believe), either because of resources or they haven't identified all needs, they should apply for an EHCP.

If you want to post the types of problems DD is having and provision already in place we might have some suggestions. I understand if you would rather just offload though. Alternatively, you would get helpful ideas posting in SN Chat or SN Children.

Welcome Amiable :)

Thanks 1ststep. Its complex as there are currently many issues.

Dd hasnt done PE for a year because she cant tolerate the changing rooms, thinks she isnt good enough, lacks physical coordination, is a perfectionist, is scared of equipment, danger in woods (orienteering etc).

We are currently about to transition from one type of tech to another. She is likely to be unable to do the next one as the class environment is high sensory impacting (food smells, meat, chaotic, disruptive environment etc). The school will arrange for dd to meet the teacher prior to the lesson switch and will give reassurance that she doesnt have to use equipment she is uncomfortable with or can get help when needed, but it is highly likely she will refuse to go. Because she cant tolerate it. So she will go to student support.

She is struggling with some friends because she doesnt get the typical banter and has had 3 issues of kids being unkind to her this term. This triggers her anxiety which leads to further issues about not wanting to attend school. She doesnt now how to respond or resolve the situations. Her ability to read people is not good and she is a very black and white, rigid thinker.

She has started going to library at lunchtimes when stressed to give herself a break from having to interact with peers.

Sorry...I did paragraphs but I am on the app so they disappear