Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

I still havent done DLA form. Did it take you long to fill it out zoo?

We break up for half-term on Friday zoo. I am knackered but told them we would go away for a couple of days so will sleep on Saturday Sunday morning and drive them to a b and b on Monday.
Hope your claim goes through without bs or hassle

Anne it was intensive and I felt deflated and sad read it back all the things he can't do,but it's no worse than any other form.jyst remember it's the worst days you write about,not the better ones.x
Rage hope you enjoy the break

I posted a while back under one of my other names (I've been here years but regularly namechange now) and I hope you don't mind me popping in again for advice?

Does anyone know how easy it is to get their DC signed off from school for MH? Increasingly worried about my DD who is in Year 11. They've nearly finished the GCSE syllabus and I'm wondering if it might be worth keeping her at home (she is a hard worker) but still registered so she can sit her exams there in May? Any experience or advice please? I asked them about flexi-schooling last year and was given a blunt "no".

Oh and fwiw, she's not with Camhs as she doesn't qualify apparently but sees a private CBT/psychologist so I wonder if it worth getting her involved?

I'd be asking private psychologist to be speaking to school pastoral care/counsellorderbur
My dd2 isn't under camhs but has been flagged up as struggling with one subject(maths) and chat with head of year has given us chance express concerns she's not sleep well etc.hes looking into various support including extra tutoring and is keen to have regular chats with her and set targets for trying to get enough sleep etc as he fears she's on target to be a "crash and burner "prior to gcse.they are so supportive unlike D's school
I'd be surprised school would happily let her be signed off til may..
DS is signed off but was proffesional at camhs that hot that and he was in year 8at the time

Derbur, some LA's require a consultant letter to be certified as too unwell for school. Others are happy with a GP letter, though for long term absences most LA's would want a specialists opinion. Unlikely they will accept this from a private psychologist in my experience. I'd go back to the GP to see about another CAMHS referral if things are deteriorating.

Whatever you do don't deregister her. It is much easier to get support while on roll at school than when not.

Thanks for the advice. I do really think it's the school she is at that is impacting on her MH. She is bravely hanging in there until the end of this year but my concern is that just being there is not only worsening her MH but is going to affect her results (I don't really mind but it's a shame if she can't reach her potential as she works so hard). I'll have a chat with her again and maybe go back to the GP. Although we were told that a Camhs referral (which she doesn't qualify for apparently) would just lead to counselling at a charity that she has already been to.

It makes her so sad that there is all this endless talk at school about MH and she is largely ignored/marginalised for being a sufferer.

Do not off roll her unless you can afford to use the school just as the examination centre and pay for each exam yourself separately but the school would have to agree to take her on as a private entrant.
It is unlikely that they would agree to such long-term absence without withdrawing her from the exams because the teachers will still be prepping right up until Easter.
If she leaves then for revision time at home then you are looking at three half-terms left, she is nearly there

Derbur, have you met with the SENCO &/or pastoral lead?

Blood, most schools don't have study leave now. In to the bitter end.

1stepforward2back we've seen someone in student services (presume that is pastoral?) and although very kind they don't really seem to do much. Is this a SENCO thing? She isn't on any register?

BloodSuckClub thanks. She is hanging onto that and she really doesn't want to miss out on (some of) the excellent teaching either. It's just all the other crap she has to deal with inbetween

MH problems severe enough for you to talk about being signed off school unwell for the best part of a year are SEN, and therefore she should be on SEN support. Ask for another appointment, it helps if you go with some ideas of what may help.

@derbur17 have you had any help from an advocacy group like the Independent Advice Service in your area? My DD didn't attend year 11 at all, she had a few weeks in specialist provision called Health Needs, most kids there had MH issues. Then she went back part time during the exams, managed to pass everything except maths but we dropped all GCSEs that involved course work. Not only should your DD be on the SEN register together exam concessions, but the school should have been able to offer to bring in various support services. In our experience the SENCO or "pastoral" support is worse than nothing. See if you have a local IAS service here (our support worker read the school the riot act and after that it was fairly plain sailing):

councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/information-advice-and-support-services-network/find-your-local-ias-service

Just be careful with SENDIASS, they can be amazing, but be mindful that they aren't completely independent of the LA (anything that receives LA funding isn't), so therefore will ultimately toe the party line.

Most (probably all) LA provision for those too unwell for school will need evidence. Exam concessions again depend on evidence, some require specialist evidence (consultant, EP, OT etc.), others just evidence of normal way of working.

If DC can't cope in mainstream full time you should look at applying for an EHCNA.

Meeting today with student support and Sendco. All of my interaction so far has been with student support and Head of both departments who has been great, but have now asked specifically for Sendco intervention. Wish me luck today!

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Good luck Anne. Or if it was this morning I hope they were helpful.

Checking in to see how everyones doing!
Youngest is having a birthday today,12 years have flown by!
DS has camhs later.she messed up a d didn't organise app last week and today only option this week.bit annoyed at that but if he goesany longer gap it will be a super struggle to get him back on board
Random fireworks at night set him off,and he's rev self into a frenzy over Halloween trick or treat knockers(despite no pumpkin outside) being imminent.finding him exhausting at the mo and he start raise my anxiety being around him
Anyone else gets that)have tips to prevent it?

Happy belated birthday to your youngest Zoo, I hope she had a good day. I hope CAMHS went as well as it can too. DS1 also hates fireworks, I think it's the not knowing when the next one is going to go off that makes him anxious. We have the opposite problem, when I am stressed/down it makes DS more anxious.

one-step it's hard sometimes isn't it?
Well I went down to community cafe as emergency washer upper as doing a community litter pick with bacon butties and soup for helpers
I was chat rev and a lady I didn't know started piping up how unacceptable it was D's left without education.she seems very well spoken and business like.after I left I text rev apologising potentially stirring up a hornets nest.shes a local councillor and keen to try to help.rev has said will speak to camhs and then let her poke some sticks where could be helpful

Hopefully the councillor can help, Zoo. Have you written to the LA's Director of Children's Services? If so, write again threatening judicial review. This usually makes the LA act, and if they don't you can then follow through with a pre action letter. If you haven't please do complain to them and then escalate to threatening JR if you don't get a satisfactory action. SOS SEN can help with this.

It sounds like you had a good day. DS2&3 are going to a Halloween party at a neighbours, DS1 has been invited but doesn't want to go (which is fine, he wouldn't cope) so I'll stay at home with him. It's these things that really highlight just how socially delayed and isolated he is.

one-step I know what you mean.dd2 has been doing work experience with her friends this week.youngest has been to town with friend,and subwayice-skating then Halloween party yesterday.off out with friends saturday.ds was freaking at people trick or treat knocking (and I was annoyed as no pumpkin out purely because I knew it would upset him)and fretting about going out in car when dark as I was on direction duty picking up youngest..he has no friends at all

Lots of fireworks going off last night,mainly loud bangs..D's on verge breakdown crying and shaking.fearful to have background noise in case makes the unexpected bangs bigger.lots community firework displays tonight,two if which are local enough to be heard here.be glad once things all calm down.my poor nerves verging on shattered too

It's hard Zoo. DS1 has always been introverted and quiet. He was always of the view that most of the time you don't need to speak when you have 2 brothers who will do the talking for you! He genuinely doesn't care for friends. Finding the balance between pushing DS into social contact and letting him be is a difficult balance. Does your DS want friends? I think not having friends but wanting them is harder.

DH is taking DS2&3 to a local bonfire/fireworks display tonight. DS3 will wear his ear defenders , but insists he wants to go. I'll stay with DS1.

He's lonely one-step he has only ever had one special friend and was devastated when they moved away and now two years on have no contact..breaks my heart
The girls would love to go to a display but dad's working and no one to stay with D's so they miss out.tbey miss out A LOT