Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

Thanks @Stilllivinginazoo. He's cheered up a bit, playing his music and chatting to his DB who is home after a month away. Hope it takes his mind of it.

Hugs and to all as the new school year approaches.

Hi all.how did September sneak up so quickly upon us?
Hoping everyone who needs uniforms are sorted and stationary shopping is complete!
When are you all "back to school"?
DS is bit more fretful than usual as I think the girls getting organised making him think about school again.we have a TAF on 19 th September with o.t and SENCO unit.ive come to expect no help with them so not holding out for help/answers.meantime I've pinched dd2 school books for year 9 and plan to use as a framework for at least something that gives us semblance of an education

My girls revving up bit of stress.youngest is starting secondary and dd2 is entering GCSE year so I've got my tinhat and trench dug at the ready and preparing to hunker down with seatbelt good and tight as think we are in for a bumpy ride!!

Sending everyone strength,love and light in the final countdown❤️

We are back on wednesday. Anxiety quite high.
Good luck all.

DS into year three on Wed - he’s quite nervous for some reason but it’s the same school and same friends so he should be fine. DD2 starting secondary - she’s ok considering. I expect a bumpy ride for the next term! DD1 going into year 8. She’s doing ok but I think we’re stuck in a rut. She says what’s the problem because she can function in a way that she’s happy with but it’s actually quite intrusive (the eating restrictions and the planning) and I think will only get harder as she gets older.

We’re off to see the psych again this evening - going to ask about psychology.

Have a good day all

bigbus good luck with psych- let us know how you get on!

Ds2 starts tomorrow (new school), DS1 Wednesday. It's been stressful.
Adding to the fun, our car got stolen on Saturday

Oh no Viking how awful for you
Are the boys very unsettled to be returning to school?
DS is not great.i think despite knowing he hasn't got to go the change of dynamic of girls not being here from Wednesday,plus knowing when his school is back up and running(Thursday) is unsettling him dreadfully

Not sure if I mentioned up thread(I come on bus mobile and can't scroll well) ok started painting D's room in hope creating him a calming space.
It was a deep Oxford blue with one wall cream wall paper with green and blue dinosaurs and similar curtains.hes had it like that as long as can remember...we decided pale green is calming,and we want a strong natural element.thus ment extensive coats white paint to full out the blue as testers all looked yellow!then cat needed vets which was expensive so he's had patchy walls for about a month.he now has a pale mint on three walls and white on fourth plus all white baseboards,sills,doors.it looks lovely and light and fresh!we have discovered he hates smell gloss..
Today I've help him rearrange things(wardrobe fell apart) and he has been amazing at giving up some things(in gave him a bag and said if you don't live it or need it get rid) he surrendered outgrown uniform and clothes,couple book and mini figures.put two bags of drawings in recycling and another two bags of toys with buts missing etc in bin.thats HUGE for him!we then rearranged what's left and he has some of his favourite stones/geodes on chest of drawers and his cactus collection is better positioned.hes very happy how it's coming along.hoping in next month or so to finance trip to IKEA for white shelving,a desk and white blinds then I'm going for a mini water feature( that just bubbles water over couple stones as he lives that sound)huge volumes plants in hanging baskets(Boston ferns/spider plants are cat friendly)and couple palms.selection of soft snuffly blankets rather than a duvet.and was thinking some little jars of coloured pebbles in white,green etc..I can't wait til it's all sorted.i redid girls room last summer (lilac and white adding a desk and shelves for dd2,and adding cute accessories in white and lilac)

Zoo ooh I love what you've done with DCs decor. Must feel a relief to get DS' room finally painted. Yes, I remember your plans upthread. So impressed DS was able to part with some of his things! My DS2 struggles to get rid of anything.

Yes, both unsettled. DS1 mainly although he starts Wednesday. Beyond relieved that the young Sp. Ed Co-ordinator that worked closely with him last year is returning. Initially that was not the case but thankfully the school principal was able to pull a few strings to have her back. Still, DS1 showing signs of anxiety....he intentionally broke his laptop and threw it away last week. He told me yesterday and I have yet to tell DH. Ah well, baby steps (and that usually means the babiest of baby steps in our household).

DD isn't back untill next Monday, DS is back tomorrow. She's going into year 9 and starting GCSE's, she's nervous about it but we've got everything prepared and ready so I'll spend the next week trying to distract her a bit as she's already getting herself worked up over it. She's also upset that we're thinking about moving but I've told her it's best to focus on right now because it's just a thought at the moment but it most likely will happen in the future. I think the worse her anxiety gets the more she feels the need for constant routine and no changes as a comfort but I'm not always sure how to help her with that, especially with things that are going to happen and can't really change, I want to make things easier for her but I can't always

bloodybanana life isn't always predictable,so you can't cushion DD from everything even with the best will in the world.good luck to ds🍀🍀

Vikinggood luck for your boys.glad support remains consistent at school.im sure that is a little reassuring for you as it sounds like voices are being heard.tedny tiny fairy steps forward is still going forward.every little bit counts as progress

Afternoon.
Despite being back since 22nd August having put in applications in June as requested, no school places yet for either child. On a transfer waiting list, 20 working days to process allegedly.
It was always going to be a shit show either way to be honest. Pros of a later start: more time to transition here, maybe someone will have the role of being his friend for the day, his needs will flag up from the off as others have been settled in mainly.
Cons of a later start: the dreaded Centre of attention, others cliqued already, his needs will flag up from the off and unnerve teacher who had settled in others already.
I have ordered the books they are doing and going to tackle the themes this week but at the end of the day I still have a 6 year old unable to hold a pen or form letters properly. I feel out of my depth.

joyat least you are able to see there are a few positives of a later start
Is beavers (or similar) an option to potentially make links with local kids?(I'm sorry my memory is utterly crap and I apologise if that's an insensitive comment)
Here's hoping they are able to find placement sooner rather than later

DS is driving me up the wall today.im trying desperately to finish last tasks needed before girls return to school and I'm getting stressed as he's finding in nigh on impossible to amuse himself even for shortest period of time and keeps asking when's X happening every 5minutes despite some of things he's asking I have no bloody idea
Need crack on and make triple choc cookies for girls pack ups now
Just realised youngest has been utilising leggings bought for pe kit as substitutes in her wardrobe so will need emergency washing.aaaargh

Mmm cookies.
I think there are scouts here. DS is somewhat socially inept/social cues etc but he is oblivious to friends and not having them, his needs are immediate pyramid needs - hunger, thirst, temperature, sensory and he relies heavily, far too much, on his sister.
He has been introducing himself to adults this week who have been lovely on return and a random little girl at the pool yesterday. He still loves swimming thank God although 29 degrees still felt a bit cold (he is still in armbands so doesn't do much iyswim).
Onward and upward.
Good luck with the washing! I have a lame condenser drier that does feck all and nothing is drying here

I hope you aren't waiting too long Joy. Do you know if the school you want has spaces? If you want both in the same school you would be best focusing on getting DS a place and appealing for DD if they don't have space in her year. An appeal for DD is much more likely to be successful than for DS due to infant class size rules. Have you got some pencil grips to help with finger placement? If difficulties persist a referral to OT may help.

I agree with Zoo, beavers would be a good way to socialise locally. DS2&3 go to cubs, ours go out of their way to be inclusive. I am a big fan of extra curricular activities. DS1 stopped them when his MH deteriorated, but DS2&3 do lots and benefit greatly from them.

I hope everyone's first days back at school went/go well.

BigBus, does your DD1 have an eating disorder? DS1&3 have EDNOS - complicated by allergies and another medical condition. We use the magic plate. We plate up their food and they just eat - no bargaining, negotiating, swapping etc. We ignore moaning, discuss something else and praise the behaviour we don't want (sitting at the table nicely, eating, joining in discussion). After 30 mins for meals and 20 for snacks their plate is removed without saying anything. They eat more this way. It is often used with anorexia patients, but is successful with other eating disorders and mealtime difficulties.

The LA have finally organised DS' EOTAS package, by the end of next week all the provision within the EHCP will be up and running. We have a meeting with a SS soon who I'm hoping will agree at least a part time placement. They have previously told us they can't meet his needs, but I now have in writing that the LA is willing to top up the provision in DS' EHCP with outside providers either in school, at another setting or at home if an otherwise suitable placement can not meet a minority of section F.

DS has been on a v low dose of Clonazepam for the last few days so I'm hoping we may see a reduction in anxiety soon or at least an improvement in sleep.

So nice to have you back Joy . Good luck with the placements.

1step I always admire how organized you are. Very impressive!

Viking, I have to be organised otherwise we would live in chaos a week behind where we should be.

@Stilllivinginazoo - your son's bedroom sounds so lovely. I feel calmer just reading about it! Now I want a geode and cactus display with a water feature.

1step DD1 doesn't have an eating disorder as such - she has emetophobia (severe vomit phobia) which she controls by only eating 4 hrs before she goes out (although she has been managing to eat or drink when out a bit more). She is a very healthy weight (unlike me and DD2 who are rather chubby). Like me she is quite buxom - D cup and still just under 13 yrs old - but honestly she has a lovely figure. It's a control issue.

I'd really appreciate some advice from all of you. The psych is leaving and has suggested psychology, which I totally agree with i some ways. She suggests ASD assessment. Here is my dilemma. I'm pretty sure DD1 is borderline ASD. However, she is currently doing ok. She has friends, her weight is stable, she is doing really well at school academically. She does struggle with change and she can be very rigid. I've always thought she might have ASD traits. The dilemma I have is that I don't think she will do well with a diagnosis - she will think she's 'abnormal' or she may find 'aspi' groups online and opt out of any attempt to integrate. I do want her and us to understand her difficulties more but her point of view is that she's actually quite happy and why bother? I do think maybe at this moment a 'label' might be more complicated than just getting on with things. Not that a diagnosis isn't good for some people, but my gut says not for her, but then maybe I'm denying her an opportunity to understand herself better. Or maybe some people are just a bit different and society should be more accepting. I don't know!

Clearly my second to last post should say we "praise the behaviour we do want..." because I definitely don't want to encourage behaviour we don't want! I should proof read before posting.

Big, that is a hard decision. Is DD actually coping or just masking? Could the need to control food be a manifestation of her not coping (for whatever reason)? A diagnosis would bring protection under the equality act and support, within adult life with reasonable adjustments in the work place and DSA at university etc even if there's none now. The risk of not diagnosing is you reach crisis point, particularly as the social demands increase during teen years. Though if you think DD wont cope with a diagnosis I can see why you might hesitate. Waiting now doesn't rule it out forever, if in 6 months time you change your mind she could be referred for assessment then. Have you discussed your concerns with the psych? I have given up on society being more accepting .

DS1 was wriggling in bed so much I've detangled myself from him (why do children always wrap their legs around you?) and decamped to his bed but still can't sleep.

Hope back to school is manageable. I feel like I am pen pals with the head of year. Dd has been anxious about lots but the school are being great and facilitating her meeting new teachers in advance so she doesnt freak out.
I will be glad when we have a full week out of the way though so we are in some semblance of a routine.

Trying to find a psychologist who deals with child autism, with space is proving tricky. End october is earliest I can get.

Anne it's frustrating but I suppose you could say we've hung in this far another 8weeks won't change things
I also think once a full weeks happened we are gaining routine and thing should even out

Well someone three doors down decide let off loads banger type fireworks after 10pm.ds had complete meltdown(and one my cats was out,then to scared to come when called)some people are so inconsiderate!!

Dd went to a lesson yesterday that she missed most of last year. School were great. They set up an intro with the teacher before the day started so she felt comfortable so she could walk in to the lesson later in the day reassured. They have said she doesnt need to do the practical work, the teacher will do it if she is anxious.
She came out of school happy

Anne that's AMAZING for DD!!

I'm trying to peel D's off ceiling(not literally I add) as we have school doing a short safeguard visit today prior to tomorrow's TAF.He does NOT like them in his "space"(neither do I if I'm honest as they do naff all educationally to help him)but ticking all the boxes etc...

Hope everyone has a good day

Bbl later