To ask if/how you would tell your mum? [Trigger warning: Suicide] Edited by MNHQ

[anyadvicepls]

Not a mum myself, just need a help or some advice from a few if that's okay!
I overdosed on Sunday night, was kept in hospital until yesterday lunchtime. Physically I'm completely fine with no lasting damage. Obviously mentally I'm not fine.
I have a great DP and lots of friends who are extremely supportive, and I come from a great family.
I live in a different city to my mum and haven't told her, or any of my family, because I didn't want to worry anyone.
I sort of think what's the point because it will destroy my mum and that could make me feel even worse putting a burden onto someone else.
If your dc ever came to you and told you all of this what would your reaction be? Not what SHOULD it be, but realistically would you be angry, cut all ties, would it destroy you?
My mum adores me, and is the best, I hate keeping things from her but I have noticed that when she gets extremely upset and doesn't know how to cope that it comes out as anger and frustration- not sure if I can cope with that.
Should I tell her or should I keep this from her? My psychiatrist seemed concerned that she didn't know I was in hospital.
I'm a 21yo woman, no kids FWIW

Verynice
Until you have grown up children and go through this actual scenario you cannot judge whether I always loved my son, because that is basically what you are saying.. I didn’t love him until he tried to kill himself.
I think I am going to have to get out of this ridiculous place that is MN as NO ONE EVER READS POSTS PROPERLY. Never once have I said I didn’t care about my DS never once have I said I couldn’t care less if he was ill. I answered the OP’s question honestly, and honestly I hope you and your DD who you love dearly NEVER go through this.

I’m a crisis team nurse, I have not once (11yrs as a nurse) met any family member who after the original shock didn’t want to know and didn’t want to help.
Does the team helping you offers carers support? If so they could call mum and help explain things to her? If you have a diagnosis then maybe find literature on it for mum?
Best advice right now is make a decision and do it, agonising over another thing is not what you need right now, your brain is no doubt full to the limit.
Take care xxx

WTF. It is in fact my worst nightmare. I have a history.
Therefore, I'm quite lax in my parenting when it comes to grades, though I do gently apply pressure when she's (dd) taking the piss. But basically I want her to get through these years without feeling suicidal.

On the other hand, I've had my Dad pop in cheerfully after every suicide attempt I've made (numerous) - no idea how he finds out (maybe because he's my next of kin or something and the hospital calls him). I had no idea he was affected until one day I rang and was chatting to him and he had crashed the digger into his jeep. I was like 'How the f did you do that?' He said 'Oh I was away in another world worrying about you and wasn't paying attention'. Then I realised the effect my illness was having on him. Now I don't tell anyone anything really. I tell the hospital I have no next of kin. They're happy with that.

So I know it from a lot of sides actually. I never said that you never loved your son. What I said was that because I almost lost dd even as she was being born, I had that overwhelming anxiety from the get go. You probably only experienced it after almost losing him. So for me that's parenting, which is possibly not normal parenting at all!

You're very tetchy and you'll annoy someone a little bit too much yet.

gamerchick that's a very mean question

No it isn't and I see I still haven't had an answer because it's pretty obvious that poster hasn't had any experience at all and has just decided to be as nasty as they can be. Spitting through ignorance.

On the other hand, I've had my Dad pop in cheerfully after every suicide attempt I've made (numerous) - no idea how he finds out (maybe because he's my next of kin or something and the hospital calls him). I had no idea he was affected until one day I rang and was chatting to him and he had crashed the digger into his jeep. I was like 'How the f did you do that?' He said 'Oh I was away in another world worrying about you and wasn't paying attention'. Then I realised the effect my illness was having on him. Now I don't tell anyone anything really. I tell the hospital I have no next of kin. They're happy with that

Do you think he's glad nobody tells him anymore? Relieved even? You honestly didn't wonder how repeated suicide attempts affects the people who love you?

gamerchick I have plenty of first-hand experience of mental health thanks. I don’t need to justify myself to you.

The crux of the matter is this: if someone you love - especially someone you gave birth to - is suffering a serious illness, YOU ARE NOT THE PRIORITY. To suggest that someone in the grips of depression so deep should think about how they might upset others before reaching out for help is so unspeakably ignorant and offensive, I genuinely cannot believe people even think like that. If my mother had reacted that way, she wouldn’t be in my life anymore. I can’t even imagine thinking about a casual acquaintance that way, let alone a child I presumably chose to have

I used to feel angry about people who commited suicide, until my yd took an overdose a few years ago. I just cried and cried, which didn't help her.
I guess you need to ask yourself will it help you if you tell her?
I personally wouldn't tell my mum if I felt this way, mainly due to her reaction when I was diagnosed with pnd and told her I was taking anti depressants. Just pull yourself together I think were here words.

So glad you have found the strength to tell your family and they are supportive. I hope my own DC feel they can do the same if they ever need to.

Don’t feel you are selfish or anything like that. You are going through a low point and need supportive people around you to help you back up

gamerchick I have plenty of first-hand experience of mental health thanks. I don’t need to justify myself to you

No you're right, you don't have to justify to me. But since you're being unnecessarily nasty to another person I figured you must know the secret as you must have had the experience.

When you care for someone with long term extreme mental health issues there comes a point where you have nothing left to give. That carer needs a bit of TLC, not told how much of a shit parent they are. You CANNOT run indefinitely and there comes a point where some information isn't necessary.

Apologies OP, I missed your update. I'm heartened to hear your parents reactions. I hope they help you find your way

Hitting a nerve am I sprouts? Good

What nerve do you think you're hitting and why do you think it's good?

Glad to hear that your parents and the NHS are being helpful. Don't forget to ask for help when you need it.

Well done OP, I'm so glad things are looking up for you