Let's help build up each others self-esteem!

[Breakawaygirl]

Hi everyone

Please feel free to join the thread.

I suffer with really bad self-esteem and always have. I've been brought up by a very loving family, but equally my dad has never told me that he loves me or is proud of me and I rarely get a 'well done' when I do something amazing from him.

Maybe that's part of my poor self-esteem but I often don't feel good enough. Not beautiful enough, smart enough, funny enough etc, although I objectively know I am very funny (always make people genuinely laugh), am brave (have travelled extensively alone) and must be attractive (I always have male interest and have had partners etc.)

This thread is designed to help us build each other up and get past the cognitive distortions or warped thinking perpetuated by our pasts, our upbringings, our relationships, media and modern life, and to encourage us to see our worth. When you know your worth you can change your life.

Please feel free to share your story, ask for advice and share what helps you.

Here are some things that help me:

• Marissa Peer advises to write 'I am enough' on your mirror as she believes the cause of all low self-worth is believing you are not enough as you are.
• Practice CBT, i.e. if you think you are unlovable, question why you think this. Did you have an abusive relationship? A neglectful childhood? Did a partner leave you? And do any of these things make YOU unlovable, or do they say more about the people who hurt you?
• Exercise - I go to the gym and play a very specific playlist that makes me feel empowered and motivated. Being physically active and strong makes me feel mentally and emotionally strong too.
• Eating well. When I eat well, I feel better about myself. I feel like these little acts of self-care show I matter, even if I don't always feel it.
• Have people I can talk to when I feel overwhelmed by low self-esteem who won't judge me.

Can I join?
I come from a loving family too. I believe that I might have inherited some anxiety from my parents though. The anxiety seems to actually push them to succeed/accomplish things more, so I feel like sometimes I've accidentally been given the message that anxiety is good because it gets things done, if that makes sense. Also struggle with feeling I'm a disappointment to others although most people would probably say otherwise when talking about me.
Two years ago I was in an abusive frship/relationship (complicated) and was built up then shot down by him. But since then, I have made a lot of new friends.
One thing I have done that has really helped me is to cut off toxic people. This has helped me immensely. It's a new year and so far things are going well. Glad to know you're doing well OP and hope we can expand this thread.

Lovely idea for a thread! I'm going to try & make 'you are enough' my mantra for the week!

@WaterBird Hi! Please feel free to join!

I can completely relate to anxiety being used as fire or fuel for success. I think this is why anxiety lies to us so it can stick around, 'I'm useful to you see? You need me or you'll fail!' It's a very clever cognitive trick it plays on us. I've often felt if I'm not anxious or not worried I'll miss something, and possibly that's true, but the trade is I can't ENJOY anything.

Definitely friendships and relationships can have a huge knock on our self-esteem. I'm trying to build my self-esteem outside of relationships as much as I can, so that if anyone lets me down, I still feel good in me. I struggle with this as drawing up boundaries is very hard for me, but I know I'll suffer if I accept from people things that make me unhappy.

@Kar, welcome to the thread. Have you written 'I am enough' on your mirror? It sounds silly but it really helps me!

Just saw this on Twitter..

I'm in x

Thanks! Let's keep this going!

Hi, I come from a family which counted 97% in an exam as failure (the pass mark was 40%). That coupled with a trauma I ended up blaming myself for has led to me loathing myself as an adult. I am having therapy but it's struggling to get through my emotional wall.

I have low self esteem because I have no friends. I was ostracised by all the other teens at school. Never made friends at uni. Struggled to get a job because I don’t come across well to employers. Started a hobby but after a year they ostracised me too and pushed me out of the group.

I don’t know why. Affirmations of “You are loved and important” don’t make me feel better because there’s clear objective evidence that I’m not. The only thing that makes me feel better is to have a “F* everyone” attitude. I keep myself to myself.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils
I'm so sorry, these are very unrealistic expectations. Hope therapy is helping you.

@CosmicPineapple
Do you have a solitary hobby you enjoy, like reading? I know this isn't the same at all, but having your own hobby can really help fill the time.

cosmic I think we are the same person, I am like you re friends.

You don't have to be what other people want you to be.
You don't have to be interesting, agreeable or entertaining. You don't have to tone yourself down, quiet your voice, or hide your feelings. You don't have to be outgoing, or spontaneous or sociable. You don't have to be thin or beautiful or anyone's definition of attractive. You don't have to be anyone other than you authentically are, and you sure as hell don't have to spend tour time and energy trying to convince people that you're worth keeping around. The right people are going to recognise your worth. They are going to respect you, appreciate you and accept you, without forcing you to compromise who you are.
Daniell Koepke

If you worry about what people think of you, then you become their prisoner,

I’d like to join this thread too please, it’s a brilliant complement to my depression support thread so thanks for starting this one @Breakawaygirl

Thank you also @noego I have read a few things you have posted and they have really helped. Bless you for reaching out, we are really grateful.

I google Daniell Koepke and there is some really good stuff from him - I’d encourage others to read up.

I’d like to join please.

I come from a loving family, always supported and accepted for who I was. Parents were both quite anxious and introverted though, which I’ve inherited. They also died quite young so I lost my support network.

I’m currently in therapy with a cognitive hypnotherapist and this week have been asked to keep a positivity journal, just noting down good things that I do, positive tasks I complete, to imagine conversations I may have in future and how things will look and feel, to try and make the neural pathways I need to be more positive. Haven’t done much on it yet but will be sure to update it.

I love the idea of writing on my mirror - last week in my session I had to repeat I Am Enough several times until I could say it convincingly

This article & interview are great re self esteem by psychiatrist & cognitive therapist Dr David Burns.

I totally go along with what he says about how important it is, not buying into the whole 'worthiness' thing...this idea that some people are worth more than others, based on their achievements. He's so right... plenty of 'successful' people are not very nice & have done horrible things to others (just look at many famous historical figures!!)..so it doesn't make you more 'worthy'!

feelinggood.com/2015/05/23/whats-self-esteem-how-do-i-get-it-how-do-you-get-rid-of-it-once-youve-got-it/

Drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece.
You have only to know it, to realise it.
Osho

I’ve put this as my lock screen - just so that several times a day I am forced to say the words “you are enough”. It’s a little thing, and totally cheesy, but I think it will help

You have been criticizing your self for years.
Try approving of yourself and see what happens :)
Anon

Think of your thoughts as a menu.

What are you ordering today????

Lifetime low self esteem and confidence here. My mother deserted our family when I was 5 and I m now in my fifties. I am still not sure who I am or if it’s ok to be me. Suffer from depression and anxiety and struggle hugely to be around other people, deal with conflict, express myself, overcome the feeling of being judged by others.

I would like to join and hopefully have some supportive words to help others to offer, when I am feeling positive

The journey of becoming our true selves requires no approval from the crowd.
Its a self revolution.
Lisa Ann McCoy

You can't change how people treat you or what they say about you.
All you can do is change how you react to it.
Mahatma Ghandi.

It eventually gets better, without any sort of explanation; one day you just realise that you're no longer mad, hurt or bothered by the things that took so much of your energy and thoughts.
You will find yourself in a peaceful place and enjoying that feeling.

PositiveOutlooksBlog.com