Let's help build up each others self-esteem!

[Breakawaygirl]

Hi everyone

Please feel free to join the thread.

I suffer with really bad self-esteem and always have. I've been brought up by a very loving family, but equally my dad has never told me that he loves me or is proud of me and I rarely get a 'well done' when I do something amazing from him.

Maybe that's part of my poor self-esteem but I often don't feel good enough. Not beautiful enough, smart enough, funny enough etc, although I objectively know I am very funny (always make people genuinely laugh), am brave (have travelled extensively alone) and must be attractive (I always have male interest and have had partners etc.)

This thread is designed to help us build each other up and get past the cognitive distortions or warped thinking perpetuated by our pasts, our upbringings, our relationships, media and modern life, and to encourage us to see our worth. When you know your worth you can change your life.

Please feel free to share your story, ask for advice and share what helps you.

I am in competition with no one. I run my own race. I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone, in any way, shape, or form.
I just aim to improve, to be better than I was before.
That's me and I'm free.

Buddhist Wisdom

I was bullied which is why I have low self esteem.

One thing my therapist did was get me to right down all the positive things about my self and she made me dig,and there was a great big list, maybe worth a try.

Thank you for keeping this thread going, I for one am still reading and benefiting. Will try to write something of use over the next few days!

The cave you fear to enter may hold the light you seek.

Rumi,

If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down.

Your mind will always believe everything you tell it.............

Feed it Faith
Feed it Truth

Nourish it with love

It eventually gets better, without any sort of explanation; one day you just realise that you're no longer mad, hurt or bothered by the things that took so much of your energy and thoughts.
You will find yourself in a peaceful place and enjoying that feeling.

This quote from above gives me a lot of hope and comfort especially because I have known it to be true, not necessarily on a global, once and for all level, but at least in some areas.

Everything does change and move on.

I am practising gratitude, which I think does help with self esteem too.

Good enough is good enough.

I am also using mantras quite a bit at the moment - I am normal, I am worthy, I am loved - saying these things to ourselves can and does help.

I hope others are feeling ok x

@MHsupport

Using mantra's is a good way to re-wire those neurons that are out of sync.
Using mindful meditations also work when you can identify those negative thoughts and detach yourself from them.
Thoughts are not real. They are only real if you believe in them. Stop believing those thoughts!!

Thank you @noego, it’s really useful to have that encouragement from you

Do you mind me asking - have you had MH issues in the past or ongoing or are you just interested in these things?

@MHsupport

Not really, not lasting anyway. My self esteem took a knock when I found out my ex was cheating. Mainly because the first thing you do is question yourself. After a while it dawned on me, there was nowt wrong with me but a load of stuff wrong with them. I just hadn't seen it.
Went out dating again and made new friendships and they confirmed that in Truth I'm a nice person.
So not only stopped believing what the ex was saying and what my mind was saying and discovered the Truth about myself.
I understand thought that people can have this low self esteem issue from childhood and it can become a habit to believe you're not worthy. It gets programmed and conditioned into the hard drive of a person. But you can always change the hard drive and re-programme :)

@noego Ah right, yes I can see how your self esteem would take a knock in those circumstances, sorry your ex treated you badly.

Well done you for picking yourself up and dusting yourself down.

I am curious about the Truth with a capital T...is that a Buddhist thing?

The Truth is a Buddhist thing, also a Vedanta teaching. It teaches that if you are aware of your thoughts then what is aware of those thoughts?
There is something else that is aware of everything. What is it? It can only be the real you watching an illusion of the self created body mind. In this scenario the Awareness of the low self esteem body mind. It is but an illusion created by your negative thoughts that you have believed in or the negative thoughts projected onto you by other that you have believed in.
Thoughts are not real, they only become real when you believe them and yet thoughts are impermanent. They come and go. Just like the clouds in the sky and yet the sky is always there.
Once understood with teaching and through meditation slowly the pendulum swings into the Truth and this then becomes your 2nd nature and not the body mind. You transcend the thoughts an see them as No-thing.
And yes I help people discover this.

Have a look at this video. Hope it helps.

There is no light and the end of the tunnel.

There is only you.

You are the LIGHT

Healing is a formula.

ADD what heals.
SUBTRACT what hurts.
LEARN from what goes.
CHERISH what stays.

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.

Can I join?

I have similar problems to you OP. My dad never told me he loved me and I never felt good enough. My self esteem is awful and I'm very insecure. I really need to do something about it as my neediness is affecting my relationship.

Caring to much about what people think of you is useless.
Most people don't even know what they think of themselves.

Thought of the day!!

"Half of life is lost in charming others.
The other half is lost going through anxieties caused by others.
Leave this play.
You have played enough."

Rumi.

Nobody can tell ya;
There's only one song worth singin',
They may try and sell ya,
'Cause it hangs them up to see someone like you.
But you've gotta make your own music
Sing your own special song,
Make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along.
You're gonna be knowing
The loneliest kind of lonely,
It may be rough goin',
Just to do your thing's the hardest thing to do.
But you've gotta make your own music
Sing your own special song,
Make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along.
So if you cannot take my hand,
And if you must be goin',
I will understand.
But you've gotta make your own music
Sing your own special song,
Make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along.

I love that Rumi quote. Can I join too please?

noego I love that song.

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

Gandhi

@Batsypatsy

I do too. Make it your anthem :)

Don't let the outer noise keep you from hearing your inner music.

Some quit due to slow progress. Never grasping the fact that slow progress....................................

.....Is progress