Where can i get help with my children, i cant cope

[70sbaubles]

Just where will help?
Ive got 3 and no help whatsoever. Yesterday evening I did a random check of their teeth and my 12 year old looks to have slight decay. We go to the dentist shortly but I really cannot cope any more. I am trying my best and failing everywhere. They clean twice a day, no sugary drinks, have electric toothbrushes mouthwash the works.
I can barely get thrpugh each day as ot is, I have depression and my exH has no contact. I was a professional but gave up after divorce so I have nothing and noone. I hate myself and iys never going to get any better, it's just failure after failure on my part. It will never get better.
Ive asked for Homestart young carers SS schools everything. They all say Im coping fine. Ive got to face the fucking dentist as a failure parent im sick of the humiliation of failing I just dont know where to turn. Fillings at 12. Fml I'm shit.

Do you have a support worker or team you could call today?
Could you review medication with a doctor? I have had some types that zombified me and just made me sleep.
There are so many new medications and combinations of doses that might help?
I m worried you seem so low.

I think nowadays it's more uncommon not to have (or need) fillings by 12yo than to have them.
No dentist is going to judge that.

My 3 dc have different methods of eating their Christmas chocolates.
Dd1 will still have most left by Summer. She probably hasn't even opened one.
Dd2 will have eaten all her chocolates within 24 hours of getting them.
Ds will immediately eat around 20-50%. He'll have another 2-3 over the next 48 hours. He'll then give the remains to dd2 (who will immediately finish them)

Dd1's the one with bad teeth.

I could ring crisis teM but orob unnecessary
Dont rate samaritans and its awkward

I also definetly had fillings and problems with teeth by the age I was 12, my parents didn’t fail me, I just didn’t have great strong teeth. My cousin smokes, didn’t clean his teeth properly when we were kids, drinks loads of full sugar coke and hadn’t had a filling by age 27, the worst he’d had at the dentist was a wisdom tooth out. He was just lucky that he had good teeth. I also on,y found out about the mouthwash thing recently. So please don’t look at that as failure.

I hope you get the help you need x

www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008

Self refer to your local one, they're brilliant :)

Ive got good teeth. My mum was a good mum but she died when i was 16.
I just have a sinking hollow feeling inside

op sounds like you're doing a great job- if not too much and then being overly hard on yourself by setting very high parenting expectations. Can you request a family support worker (through school) to offer help at home? Can your dc do more around the house to help? Like others have said phone Samaritans or your mental health team (as you're known to then) if you have a crisis. They usually have a 24 duty line.

See OP the teeth were not as bad as you thought. That's great news.
I'm so sorry you are feeling so low. Your kids need you and love you and they definitely wouldn't be better off without you.
You are doing so well, it's amazing how you have coped this long. Everyone has a breaking point and you have reached yours.
Are you getting any sleep? Are you getting out of the house? Exercise won't cure you but it gets you out of the house for a bit and it certainly won't harm you. Get your kids ready tomorrow and go out for a walk all together. Even if they moan the whole time it should tire them out a bit and if they sleep you get a bit of peace?

This time of year is so hard when everyone is cooped up together. Will be a bit easier when school starts again? Does 3 year old go to nursery?

You sound like a really caring parent. Don’t worry too much about the tooth decay. The dentist will treat it. If you have under 5s then get a Homestart volunteer and she can help you feel more confident with the job you are doing. I hope you are feeling better now

A bad parent wouldn't check their kids teeth for decay. You're a good parent, OP.

I barely cope. Nobody takes me seriously, nice home had good job.
I function worse than the surestart council catchment single mums who.have no education or support etc. They are visible to the system, as someone the professionals can help. They see me as one of them yet Im drowning

I’m a lone parent it’s so hard, how are you today OP?

Hope you're feeling a bit better baubles

Im ok thank you.
Took kids to a country house today only for 40 mins but at least got our. Am going to start swimming and walking once thet are back at school, swimming twice and long walk 3 times. Hope to lose some weight too. Not going silly but sustainable changes.
Im enjoying the rest from school runs etc but just soooo tired of never having another adult to talk to.
Winging it as a parent, only a breath away from the next crisis its so hard and lonely x

I’m pleased you got out today, it does help doesn’t it.

Ye Gods, Baubles, I have been reading AIBU? for years now, but only now have registered as a Mumsnet user to respond to this. You are doing AMAZINGLY well, you are clearly so committed to knowing what you ought to do as a mum - dentistry, trips out of the house etc, but I'm guessing sometimes you don't like your kids either, which is totally normal. You sound like such a lovely person, and I'm guessing, being a lecturer by profession, you are also highly intelligent. Do you live in a particularly isolated area? As others say, you need a break. I'd suggest coming clean with the friends you have, and, no matter how unorthodox it seems, 'reaching out' to them for help, even if it's just spending the day with them with your kids. You also need to express everything to your GP so that she/he can adjust your medication accordingly. I truly hope you feel better soon, my heart really goes out to you. xxx

PS and I'm screwing myself up to take my kids to the dentist for the first time in about 6 years (they are 16 and 13) and I'm not proud of myself, especially as he is really strict! xxx

Thanks Brian
Yes I live in a very backwards thinking rural place. My job was in the nearest city. I miss it terribly.
I feel theres nothing to hope or aim for, just constant near misses and failures.
Having kids is shit, I wish they taught girls at school how awful it can be. I have a sinking feeling of constant responsibility the minute I wake up to when i go to bed. I wake with an ache in my stomach i dont even know why x

Canadian (((hugs))) mental health issues can sure mess with us. I have several different mental health issues and there have been days where it’s been such a shit chaotic day with my two boys that I am just done.

I was also in a profession where we are seen as keeping our shite together and not needing help. So very wrong. My boys are also currently suffering mental health issues due to a variety of reasons. I am happy to say I have reached out for help and am getting some. It is slowly but surely helping. I have in home help, my own psychologist, the kids have their own counsellor.

Please, contact your team and tell them how you are feeling. It’s best to do so when you are in crisis as when you are calmer it’s harder to express how bad you were feeling. Ask for help. Tell them how done you were and how anxious and triggered you were over the filling issues. That suicidal thoughts were on your mind. If you are persistent you will get the help you and your children need.

70baubles Just breathe and give yourself a break. Don't focus on what should be or could be if everything was perfect.

Bugger, Baubles, I just posted a long message and then my knackered, shit laptop lost it. Sorry.
I'll try to consolidate: I think you show incredible emotional intelligence and honesty admitting that having kids is (sometimes) shit. I'm a single mum myself, albeit with older kids, and support from my ex.
I hope you do have friends you can ask for help from if required. Don't put up with any voices, either within yourself, or from them that you're 'not coping' - I've had to deal with that from women who, literally, have no idea...
You do need to either go to A & E over NY if you feel even more desperate, or insist you get treatment from your GP ASAP.
Please do keep in touch, even though I'm a 'newbie' (hate that word) on Mumsnet there are obviously many women out there who care, including myself.
Do not beat yourself any longer - you are clearly amazing, you need a bloody break, that's all. xxxx

Unless you really know what you are looking for Slight decay is very difficult to spot by an untrained eye or without a proper dental light / excellent POV light so it’s unlikely to be that OP. Probably just a stain in a fissure.

My friend rang me a bit ago. I haven't seen another adult since 19th December, I've texted my friends a bit but all have been with families.
It made me feel a bit more connected.
I go a bit weird with isolation, paranoid and wary of others. It doesn't do me any good. I did take the kids out today and the youngest hasn't napped and I'm really feeling it-those 2hours in an afternoon are bliss and very resting for me-and I'm missing it. So going to take them up shortly.
I'm very exhausted. But not tired. Does that make sense? It feels a never ending slog.

I wish I could help you. You’re doing amazingly well. It’s lovely that you took the children out. I think it really helps.

I think the important thing to remember is that you are feeling the way you do because of the perspective you have at the moment. I’m not phrasing this particularly well but I find that having the knowledge inside you that you will feel better- you can and will get through this- is so important.

I think calling the Samaritans for help is a good idea. Even if not a perfect solution- asking for advice from anyone is worth it I think. I really like the advice people have been giving here and I also think you sound like an absolutely lovely person who is going through a horrible time.

Honestly I’ve struggled so much in my life and I’ve felt so desperate at times that your post really moves me. I’ve been so alone and I have felt such despair too. If I could do anything for you I would because it’s only in retrospect that you will find you will feel better.

Everything you describe is normal to feel when you are down. But remember that it will get better. Sundays and holidays are always the most difficult. You are already making such sensible plans for yourself once the children are back to school.

I wish you all the best and I hope you keep posting here for support. Try to relax this evening if possible. If you can enjoy something on tv when the children are in bed it might be good for you.