Where can i get help with my children, i cant cope

[70sbaubles]

Just where will help?
Ive got 3 and no help whatsoever. Yesterday evening I did a random check of their teeth and my 12 year old looks to have slight decay. We go to the dentist shortly but I really cannot cope any more. I am trying my best and failing everywhere. They clean twice a day, no sugary drinks, have electric toothbrushes mouthwash the works.
I can barely get thrpugh each day as ot is, I have depression and my exH has no contact. I was a professional but gave up after divorce so I have nothing and noone. I hate myself and iys never going to get any better, it's just failure after failure on my part. It will never get better.
Ive asked for Homestart young carers SS schools everything. They all say Im coping fine. Ive got to face the fucking dentist as a failure parent im sick of the humiliation of failing I just dont know where to turn. Fillings at 12. Fml I'm shit.

Sounds like your doing great OP, don't put yourself down so much.
I've lost a tooth to a toffee finger quality street this xmas. My dentist has known 16 year olds with no teeth left through decay. So yours have a bit to go yet.

Is there a Gingerbread group near you?

OP, a filling at 12 is no big deal. It's as PPs have said.

Are you able to get a job? You really need a life outside of your children.

Honestly, fillings at 12 are nothing to worry about. I probably got my first one at 13. My teeth are fine asides from two fillings and I’m 28.

You are NOT a failure at all.

I'm not sure with any practical advice but didn't want to read and run without chipping in some encouragement about the dentist visit!

I'm a dental nurse and we have seen everything and we know what 12yr olds are like, you will not be judged as a bad mum because he needs a filling. Trust me your dentist will have seen worse. Not too long ago we had a case where a 2year old needed a filling and a 4 year old needing full extractions due to bad diet. A 12 year old isn't that bad in comparison, a stern word from his dentist might be exactly what he needs to buck up his ideas.

They sound like totally normal kids tbh.

Please didn’t beat yourself up.

(And it’s totally true about genetics and tooth decay, ny mum and sister never ate sweets, and have a filling in almost every tooth, I have a raging sweet tooth. Never had a filling yet, and I’m 47)

Look, you are not to blame for your kids teeth. And you are not a shit parent. My teeth needed fillings from an early age, I didn’t blame my mum. It was partly due to medication that I had to take. No amount of brushing or sugary drinks would have made any difference.

Oops posted too soon

He ate 2 selection boxes by boxing day. I dont routinely buy shit but when it's there or he has access out the house he won't stop

Again, totally normal (infact it is better for your teeth to eat stuff in one sitting ra5er than over several days) and as a adult I still have no Self control. My mate thinks it i s hilarious to put bags of sweets in my car, as the knows I’ll,scoff the lot in 30 minutes.

Honey! You don't sound like you are doing a bad job at all! I am a single mother of just the one and I feel hard done by - you must be doing ok if you are even surviving.
As others have said, fillings are somewhat genetic so please don't keep paying for private because you feel ashamed, there is no need.
Chin up.

*whatsthepointthen

I dont get it either? my 7 year old needs a filling she has asd and its very difficult brushing her teeth.*

My brother has asd and was told people with asd find the motions and feel of the toothbrush very tough. I think there's solutions online to make it easier but my brothers teeth are horrendous because he brushes so rarely:( OP I always panic coming up to dentist time, I want to go back in time and force them to brush more and better. My kids went to town on selection boxes too and only do stuff when I force them to. Take a breath, have a chat with them and do talk to your up, I swear you're doing great even if you don't think you are. all that matters is that they have you and I'm sure they love and appreciate you even if they're not showing it.

It sounds to me like you need a massive hug and a break. It's so bloody difficult. Please don't beat yourself up. You aren't a shit parent. The fact that you care so much shows that much.

OP give yourself a break. honestly, I like things ironed but I have 3 young dc and I'll again again one day
lower your standards, lower them a little more and then give yourself a break. little ones. like today I took the kids to McDonalds (or old MacDonald as my toddler calls it) for lunch because I couldnt face doing another meal and tidy up at home. now little one is napping, bigger ones watching tv and I have my feet up with a cup of tea. it's a small thing but it makes a difference

Go to your local children’s centre and they will signpost you to support.

You are not failing

We are back. It wasnt as bad as I thought. The baby teeth are nearly ready to come out and have chips in them where decay has started slightly. He said it is very recent and has cleaned it out and done some flouride gel until they fall out. He has some plaque behind his bottom front teeth but no damage, so we return in 3 months for a check. He just advised using mouthwash at lunch for an extra hit of flouride.
Did you know using mouthwash after brushing is REALLY bad-it has lower concentration of flouride than toothpaste and thus removed its protective effects. Had no idea. They should never be used together he said.
Im relieved but still on brink of suicidal. In a few days there will be something else. I get intrusive images of horrible things, including vivid dreams, am isolated and paranoid and just feel awful. Just want to go to bed and leave the world to get on with it.

Please see your GP. I'm a gp and you are the sort of person I should be seeing xx

Im under a psychosis team blue but not currently having visits. Ive got a diagnosis of a psychotic illness.

My DS has to have 4 teeth out at age 9, had a different dentist last week who told me that it was due to the teeth not being formed properly when he was born & so it was neither my nor my DSs fault as it was bad luck.
I had been beating myself up about it & he said not to.
Where is their Dad? Sorry to hear you are being left to do everything. Can you sign them up for some after school/holiday clubs to give you a break? Some of them might be funded if you are a single parent.
How old are the other kids? It does get easier as they get a bit older & more independent.

Cross posted - if you have a diagnosis of psychotic illness then I think you should be getting more support. I am surprised the agencies who you have contacted are saying you are coping OK. Might be worth contacting them again and say what you have said on here.

Dad moved abroad. No interest.
Im on benefits now i feel awful. They were going to go to club yesterday but it was 60 for the day and couldnt afford it.
Youngest is 3 so everything is hard.

When they were involved I was a lecturer. Now Im unemployed x

Im on fasttrack

@70sbaubles please, please, please call The Samaritans or your support teamtoday. You say you're on the brink of suicidal and have intrusive thoughts. Forget your 12 year old's teeth, YOU need to be getting help NOW.

Sorry to hear that he has disappeared off. Are there any friends locally who could have the older kids for the day?
I know someone who was struggling and she got free childminder for hers - 10 hours a week. She was using same childminder as me. I don't know if it was done through health visitor. You would get some respite that way when the others are in school.
I wonder if you are being too proud to ask for help? It must be difficult to go from being a lecturer to not working.

Firstly you are not a shit parent. If you were you wouldn't notice or care about their teeth.
It's bloody hard being a single parent and can feel like a day by day drudge sometimes.
It's doubly hard doing all that with MH issues.
Are you on any medication? You sound right at the end, about to snap and overwhelmed with anxiety.
I have bipolar and have been in some rubbish situations with dc so I get it.
I will tell you one thing though, you might think the kids don't notice all you do for them or how much you care but they do.
Mine are adult dc now and remember lots of great stuff we did. Dd s dad had no interest either and she is now by her choice totally nc with him.

Agree with others you are clearly a good parent as you care. Your DS scoffing his selection boxes is not an indication that you are a bad parent. My DS does that too.

Im on v sedating medication which blunts my emotions.
Im v low in mood. Getting through each day is hard