Need to talk - need distracting - can you talk to me

[tulips]

I am falling apart

I need distrating

I know I need to talk but I cant pick up the phone

I have come on here to see if this helps

talk to me

please

But tulips - that's normal. My dh is chronically ill but isn't going to die, and I frequently have periods of just wanting to leave because it's so bloody awful. Of course the mental health team can't make it better in terms of: well, it is happening and it is shit. But can you get any respite care? Do you get time for yourself each week to offload your thoughts and problems? (You need this, it isn't selfish).

You're not being selfish. You need to feel this way in order to survive.

I know you all

I have just emailed the samaritans

FWIW

I need to be seen to do something

Shit it is raining

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Why do you need to be seen to be doing something, tulips? Has therapy today made it sound like you need to help yourself? If you can't cope with your responsibilities (and I couldn't, if I were you) you need to work out how you can ask for help - and get it. Easier said than done, yes? But we can help you work out how to do it, or if you need us to, we can just sympathise and help you get through tonight. Up to you - this is your thread, let us know how best to help.

thing is Dior, I actually want to do it.

And as soon as I can, I will

I really can#t stand any more

I know that is very selfish of me

And I know everyone will hate me forever more

But I can't do any more

I am worn out

Tulips hold on as please don't feel on your own. As well as speaking to Samaritans would you consider contacting a minister at your local church for example? And is there stuff you need practical help with or is it just the emotional load which is too much? (which is really understandable; you seem to have so much to cope with on your own). Please don't feel defeated as there will be steps you can take to get help with your responsibilities even if its just to lend you a lot of support.

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It isn't. Respite care is 'running away therapy'. Can you arrange any for dh?

Where are you? Are there any handy MNers who could help, even for a few hours?

I have left the church

they are aware of the problems but can't help

there is no solution

If I go I don't know how they will cope

but I can't do it any more

tulips - come on girl. Have you tried to arrange respite care? If not, let's work out how to do that tomorrow.

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I get respite.

I am lukcy.

But ultimately it all comes back to me.

I just can't bear to watch DH die and DC suffer more

They would be better off without me

I know they would

And yet I know that is selfish

I hate myself so much

I am not stupid, I know what I am doing

That is why I hate myself all the more

please say where you live then maybe someone near will help you.

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I am in London

There is loads of stuff around

But nothing makes any difference

I cannot burden Mumsnetters

They wouldn't be better off without you at all. You're probably the one good thing in all their worlds right now, no matter how rubbish you think you are.
How long does your Dh have left? Do they know ?

Why can't you burden Mumsnetters? If we don't want to be burdened, we can simply not return to the thread. We are the very people you can burden.

GO FOR IT!

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Burden away. We'd much rather be burdened than know you did something drastic because you couldn't cope.

does anyone know Peter Gabriel So?

With Kate Bush?

Don't give up?

so?

Takes me back to the 1980s - wish I could go there now

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