Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

It was for us sayatika but it varies on parts of country you live in and level of need.my D's has been diagnosed acute anxiety.he has trademarks of all types including separation (from me) and generalized anxiety disorders and health anxiety,so we are treading a minefield daily with noises and various actions revving him up.hes especially fearful loud sudden noises(fireworks/balloon popping) and he frets over everything!!
He's not been educated since September as school refuse support working at home and he goes into SENCO and does little projects(writing about insects is a thing he lives to do) but not following curriculum which is start worry us silly how behind he's getting.
We are looking at workbooks as we now accept his recovery will be long and slow and at present he's a thin,quiet shadow of the boy he used to be

I lost this thread somehow. Glad to have found it again. I’m really struggling some days - feeling sad for what DD1 is missing out on. Some days have been better. We are starting some CBT/systemic therapy tomorrow but I think she has already decided it won’t work. Good luck for the morning all.

Welcome back bigbus
Good luck with CBT
We have emergency cahms app at 1.initial meet with occupational therapist.ds terrified they going to send him awaywe decided best way to ease anxiety of speaking was to make a mind map so we got out some lining paper and cut off a big piece.he drew himself in the middle.things he loves on one side of him.things scare/upset him on the other and things wants change/to be different along the top...my biggest hope is OT can speak to school,either give him some time out or to get them onboard this is going to take quite a while and support idea of some work to do at home....

Thanks Zoo. It’s so hard. I mean I know it’s muvh harder for the children but sometimes I’m so exhausted by it all and it all seems to never-ending. I have to hide away and cry. Do any of you get any support for yourself? I think I’m going to need something to get through all this with my own sanity intact (and support my other two kids). Any advice greatly appreciated! Thanks all.

Hi

I have a near 17 yr old son who has suffered from anxiety all his life. The last few months have been really bad and as he is at college now, I am wondering about him trying Sertraline.

Will a GP willingly prescribe or will it be a battle?

At my wits end really.

Thanks for reading

forfekssake welcome.it depends where you are lovely.fluexatine(Prozac) tends to be most likely script offered in UK as certain ADs(seroxat esp)increase risk suicide esp in late teen/early 20s.some GPS won't prescribe on these grounds and prefer talking therapies
Bigbus I was in therapy(CBT) for my own anxiety when D's spiralled.course now complete I've been taught it's super important to carve time out everyday to take care and recharge myself.i tend lay on my bed and do stretches,or read.ive signed up for 30days free yoga with Ariana.
Secondly,YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTROLLING YOUR CHILDS ILLNESS I put this in capitals as it's so easy to take the blame on ourselves.as parents it's our job to teach them the skills to ground and manage themselves.this is easy to write and waaay harder in practise,but I'm slowly learning to stop trying to take control when D's is freaking and remind him to sniff lavender to ground,practise his breathing exercises and if he's agitated remind him of his coping strategies (colouring,drawing/distraction techniques) and support him to do this.of course at night when he wakes in terror with heart pounding I sit there bleary eyed stroking his head and soothing him(often) and if he can't pull it round or we are out and about I don't gloss over his distress(I do however try to encourage him to breathe/distract and acknowledge he is upset as my parents tried to pretend nothing was happening and I felt very frightened and alone)
It's by no means easy and I do have days I crack and shout and the guilt is horrific but I'm human and I apologise and accept I'm not perfect,and neither is he
Exercise is good for MH of us all so I try to get out for a walk every day,often with him in tow and be mindful of things- a beautiful sunrise,patterns of frost on grass,sunsrays thru dark clouds,a cute cat,the smell of damp concrete.it takes practise but even the crappiest of days there is something beautiful to absorb and enjoy
Please be kind to yourself.we are their stability and we can't anchor them well if we are all wobbly.sending huge hugs

Has anyone got their DC signed off for part of the day? We live really close to school (like 50 metres) and I am going to ask if she can come home for lunch as this is her most stressful time. Has anyone managed to achieve similar? Otherwise I'm going to go for half days but that really is not ideal as she's in Year 10. We're seeing the GP later so I'm going to try and get this backed up by them.

sayatika for a simple home for lunch surely it's just a case of speaking to the head?my D's does reduced hours and this is only thru meetings with school.

I would ask g.p to back you up tho,in initial arguement between myself and school we had gp write a note stating they'd seen him presenting acute anxiety and was deem suffering with panic attacks

thanks Stilllivinginazo I just spoke to the HoY and she is going to find out if it's possible. Seemed fairly positve. In meantime I'm getting GP to write a note backing it up. Meeting on Weds so I'll let you know how it goes.

Please do sayatika and if you need a vent in the meantime you know where we are

CAHMS went better than could've hoped.occupational therapist was FAB with D's.she agrees school is too much right now and is going to contact them asking for work to do at home(decline us begging on grounds children should be educated on-site and discourage them from avoiding/non attending)finger X as health professional she has more clout!!

Zoo thank you so much for your reply - I read it in Sainsbury’s on my way to work after dropping off DD1 and I nearly cried! I’m so glad that CAMHS went well for you. I hope there feels like some light at the end of the tunnel.

Hi all - disheartened to hear all the families struggling right now .

Zoo - I have my fingers and toes crossed that the OT will be able to get your DS the break (from school) he needs. Poor sweetheart.

Bigbus - so nice to see you again. Zoo gives amazing advice for self-care. Personally, I also take an anti-depressant to cope but that is after many years of issues with my two DCs...amongst other things. Strong believer in exercise and a support group (family, other mothers, etc).

Welcome sayatica .

Couldn't bring myself to post in a while because there was really nothing positive to post about . DS1 had psychiatric assessment for school purposes. Appears to be having general anxiety about going out. I mean, I know it's cold out but he used to have walks in the neighbourhood but that has stopped. Nothing new on the school front. Don't know how he will (IF he will) ever get back into school.
It's all a very long process, sigh.

Strength and love and hugs to you all

Viking I have been thinking of you recently.imso sorry things have taken a turn at yours.sending love and strength.you don't have to report anything lovely,just pop in and say hi,or can vent.no one gets extra points for keeping it tucked inside on bad days

Bigbus hope is what all of us strive for a lot of the time that's enough to keep us going
Phil hows things at yours?

We had our first adapted CBT session yesterday - it was a but more systemic I think. Initially DD1 wouldn't speak or look at the Doctor but in the middle she did relax, even laughed at times. One of the main issues is that she won't eat or drink at all until she is back in the house in case she is sick (emetophobia is the main problem but it is infecting all areas of her (our) lives). She's managing to eat one cereal bar at lunch time and the doctor wants her to eat one at lunch and one at break. This was the least scary option out of three - the others being to eat some breakfast or to have a drink with the cereal bar. DD1 point blank refused during the session but I think she will try to do it.

Things have been a tiny bit better since the Christmas holidays but I'm frightened to think this will be permanent. Before the holidays getting her to school was just awful - screaming, crying, hyperventilating, refusing to get out of the car. The thing is, when I talk to her when she's not freaking out she admits that she does really want to go to school and she's doing really well even though she spends the whole time worrying that she or someone else might be sick. She's academically bright and she has great plans for the future and she knows that she needs to go to school. Plus she has actually got friends there. Things were so bad before Christmas I honestly wondered if I could carry on getting her there.

This morning she got up and got dressed and went to school on the bus with minimal fuss. The rest of us were shell-shocked I think! Actually it makes me feel quite strange because I think I have built up so much adrenaline to get through the morning trauma that when it doesn't happen it's really strange. Still no breakfast (only Polos which she eats packets of each day) but it's a start. I know that there will be ups and downs though, so I am not counting any chickens. I will make sure she gets lots of positive feedback though. (She also actually ate homemade salmon pasta last night which is a massive improvement but that's another story!).

I thought I'd just share this small achievement with you guys - most people I know wouldn't understand how much it means!

I hope you are all having good days. I have a day off work today and no one else is in the house so I am taking Zoo's advice about taking time for me and I'm going to lie on my bed and read and not think about the mess downstairs!

bigbus that's fab need she engaged and even small victories and still victories(i.e with food )has she got any other "safe foods" she might maybe alternate?can you get her to take a multivitamin perhaps and yes,ignore the mess and relax! Speaking of such I've just awoken from a nap (as I was up with lil zoo and a headache bad throat last night but that's a whole other story!)

DS stressed dreadfully last night over what will happen if s hook fight him getting work for home.noword from them today we have taken him food shopping both in car and to local shops to keep him "circulating"
I will promised time together to colour in a bit and he's been told he can Minecraft whilst I do yoga later
On food front he's chosen somecalorific snacks and has eaten reasonable amounts to combat his low weight and weightloss which I'm sure a lot of it burning calories as stressed....

Zoo - you've got a heart of gold 💕

for you and bigbus

Hi all,

I posted earlier about my near 17 yr old with anxiety.

He is really suffering with anxiety about me and other people dying and how he wouldnt cope on his own. He is constantly hugging me when home and wanting me to sit with him.

I did mention meds in my previous post, but have now looked at private CBT for him to try first.

Is this the right way to go in your opinions as I know Cahms take forever.

Many thanks again

Sue

forfekssakeit's the route I would've taken could we afford to go private.we were offered meds as first line for D's but I see them as a last resort for developing brains (personal opinion and he is younger,only just 13)he also has this issue(amongst loads others) and constantly hugs me/tells me loves me if I leave a room etc.it can be quite suffocating...
How are you coping with it all
Sending hugs and best wishes

Thanks Stilllivinginazoo, its nice to hear other people are coping with kids who have this problem too.

I have an older son who was diagnosed at 21 with ADHD and ending up going down the private route in the end because we couldnt wait for a diagnosis any longer.

It is suffocating at times when they need constant reassurance, hugs and one to one time with them. I did go to the GP last November as I had come to the point I was finding it difficult to cope and was put on Sertraline.

I have had a Counsellor recommended to me as someone who has experience working with teens, so have made an appointment for next Wednesday. My son said he doesnt think it will do anything for his anxiety but will try it to please me.

Thanks again

Sue

Best of luck.i would try and encourage him to be as positive as possible about the appointment(easier said than done I know)as he will get more from it with an open a mind as possible.let us know how you get on,and anytime need vent or some support please don't hesitate to offload here.no one judges

forfeksake my daughter got access to a private assessment through health insurance attached to her Dad's job. It saved a lot of time and the doctor is very nice but I'm not sure that we will have access to the full range of services we would have through CAMHS. That said, we would have had to wait for years for NHS and also as she is (just about) still going to school, a healthy weight (despite a very disordered eating pattern) and there's no self-harm etc I think we would be low on their priorities. The problem we have is that most of it is unseen to the outside world whilst we deal with it all at home. Sometimes I am tearing my hair out and sometimes I just feel really sad that this is what are life is like and she doesn't seem to want to change.

Having said that, we have seen the doctor twice and there has been a slight but sustained improvement in her - she has been much less distressed about going to school and this has made everyone's life better.

I think I'm finding it hard to come to terms with how different her teenage life is going to be compared to how I envisaged it. As things stand at the moment there won't be any sleepovers, no school trips, no shopping trips at weekend etc. But holding on to these ideas is not helping anyone and I guess there is no right or wrong way to live your life. She does seem to have friends at school so maybe over time and with treatment things will change.

Sending lots of support and hope to you all

bigbus I totally hear you on not what you envisioned teen life to be.my D's has no friends,won't let me out of his sight and I'd imagined trips out,sleepovers,new experiences he could share with me...I've had to learn to appreciate tiny goals as a win.makes you re-evaluate and appreciate what you do have

Hello,

This seems like a very supportive thread. I have two DS (17 and 19). Both have battled with anxiety for many years. My eldest is now in a residential setting (he has psychosis and autism as well) and is making some real progress. He has 1:1 support and a structured programme of activities.

My youngest stopped attending school at the age of 14 and was given part time tuition at home and then in a PRU. As a result, he left formal education with no qualifications.

My youngest has a historical diagnosis of GAD, but his anxiety seems to be linked to change and to health. After many months of applying for jobs, he has just been offered a part time job with a local employer.

I live alone with my youngest and we are, to be honest, a little socially isolated. I work almost entirely from home and keep my son's anxiety levels a low as possible.

I think this job will be a tremendous step forward for my son. He will still be able to carry out most of his routines, but he will have to adapt to a few new ones. He will also meet other people and have a little more autonomy because he will be earning his own money.

Since he officially left school, my son has had no support or guidance from any agencies. Like so many young people, he has simply slipped through the net. I hope that once he has established himself at work, we can introduce a few online courses so he can gain qualifications, but this will have to be done gently and gradually.

From reading the posts above, it seems that many parents are, like me, providing the work of a team of specialists.

I too, grasp the positives. For example, just a year ago my youngest could not go into shops because he was frightened of catching diseases. Now he will go into public spaces, although he avoids anyone who coughs or looks ill. Just a few months ago, the prospect of 20 hours work would totally throw him, now he is planning the hours around his routine.

I apologise for the essay, but there are so few people to 'talk' to about these things.

Welcome blubberhouse
Please don't apologise for the essay.it was wonderful to read of a family that has some positivity to share with us.
It must have been very hard initially having a child in residential care but it sounds like his progress has made it a decision well made.
For you other child well done getting him out there doing things and amazing news about the prospect of a job.many of us worry what the future will bring and little things like this give us all hope and some strength on the bad days to keep plodding on!
Do you have family/RL support?what do you do just for yourself?we often share these ideas as it's easy to be so fully immersed in our children we don't step back and take a moment to top up our own emotional batteries

How's everyone seems doing today?