Can too many awful things happening be too much

[colouringinpro]

I don't know how to keep going. The last six years have been a nightmare. OH very depressed, company I co-built taken apart after sale. OH manic. DD badly injured. OH very determined suicide attempt. Sectioned. Sad kids. Buried father-in-law. OH major psychotic episode. Sectioned. Post traumatic stress. Sad kids. Dd and Ds under CAMHS. Buried mother-in-law. Felt like we were climbing out if the abyss and then very recently OH brother took his own life Everyone devastated and for me also a Load of bad memories and emotions. And I'm struggling to think straight. And i spent today counting down the minutes. I just want to go to sleep

Been signed off for 2 weeks already kitchensink no better and worried about work, not to mental my sanity

Absolutely not an expert at all on this and am I really conscious that I don’t want to be offering unqualified advice but... I was unwell around Christmas, felt unable to cope with everything going on and was signed off for 2 weeks with beta blockers. They didn’t make any difference, and should work quite quickly, so I went back and was prescribed anti depressants that made me feel sick initially but so much more able to cope. That and a further two weeks off really helped me feel more balanced and more resilient. Of course, it’s different for everyone but maybe something to chat to your GP about.

You sound like you’ve had a full on time. I hope you can get yourself to bed early and that you dream about that lovely beach of yours. xx

Following on from what @Woulditbeworth said, it’s variable how each person reacts and how long it takes for them to heal. My experience is that the healing process is maddeningly slow, and highly non-linear.

What in particular are you worried about, work-wise?

Thanks wouldit

Thank God for an amazing GP.
I told her about yesterday and that after taking kids to school I went back to bed and woke up at 1.00. So she's given me the option of ringing her Monday morning if I really can't face work and she'll write me a doctor's note then and there.

I on a lowish dose of antidepressants which I started a while back (different doctor, really wish I hadn't but done now). Start tapering off and then something else happens. Not sure they're doing much, apart from ensuring I sleep, which is good.

erinaceous I'm worried about completely pissinh my boss and he head off (had two weeks off last October which generated a process on return). Don't like letting people down and don't want to put my job at risk cos altho not amazing, fits in with kids v well. That's not hugely likely I know.

Being separated and the kids being quite vulnerable make it's it much harder to rest

Hr head

Oh dear. Are your boss and HR head pissed off already? Employers are highly variable on this, and even within the organisation where I work I have had highly variable responses to having taken time off work and my ongoing struggles.

The “process” thing around sickness absence is just that - a process - even though it is structured in such a way that it can manage to seem really quite persecutory.

On not liking letting people down, this is a tough feeling to endure for some people, me included. From the outside it is easy to say that your health in the long term is the more important factor, but I found and still find this hard to do.

On your job being at risk, in my organisation the process that could result in termination of employment following sickness absence takes about two years end-to-end(!) I don’t know how standard that is. I don’t know if it helps for you to know that other people have been off for months in similar situations to you, or done all sorts of things like go very part time for a whole or change roles. Do you have anyone at work whom you feel is “in your corner” as you battle through? I work for a big organisation and their occupational health department were brilliant but not all employers have this resource for their staff to use.

Can't sleep. Funeral tomorrow. Head is spinning, chaotic, hurting. Got to get up in six hours

Yeah, I hear you.

Do you have anything that stops the head buzzing? During the night I tend to watch reruns of TV quizzes or put radio 4 on with the volume low, drink camomile tea, silly chit-chat on mumsnet (there’s usually a thread or two for those of us awake at night), and do laundry. I tend not to worry about not sleeping as I find that does help me, but it took me years to reach that point.

Thinking of you

Thanks got to sleep about 2 -music, lavender oil, beta blockers....

Travelling down now.

Xxx

Hey Colouring,

Just wanted to say, I’m still here and thinking of you if you want a chat.

xx

Oh thanks xx

Yes I do. It's relentless. Yesterday OH announced he was thinking of going back to work f/t despite work stress being a major contributor to his crises and financially not essential thank fuck cos of health insurance. I give up. Furious with him yesterday. Today I'm just writing him off.

Dd has autism assessment tomorrow, no idea what to expect or what outcome will be.

Ds home from OH tonight very sad. Didn't talk to OH at all but cried and chatted with me. Worrying about everyone bless him.

I made it to work this week. Boss was great on Monday and told me to take time out if I need it and not overdo it.

Funeral was horrendous but also good. Had to work hard not to sob out loud do much my throat hurt the next day. Feel better for it, calmer in that respect. Also realised how much I'd been dreading it.

Totally exhausted again.

Well done on coping with the funeral. I’m not surprised you feel exhausted. I hope you can find some slivers of rest here and there. Do you have time to rest this coming weekend?

Christ, colouring you've been through more than most could endure.
The part about the woman you used to be resonated with me - she's still in there somewhere you know - but you are strong, tough and resilient to be getting through the way you have been

Thanks mozzie (My dad's the same!) I really hope she's still in there.... It's been a while now...

erinaceus yes trying to do as little as poss. The very little housework I did about 10 days ago has long been erased, washing basket overflowing, I must shower today...

Lovely to hear from you OP.

I can’t begin to imagine how hard the funeral was or the anxiety you must have felt leading up to it. I hope you can all start to slowly repair now.

Very pleased to hear that work are being kind to you - just how it should be.

Oh and the housework bog off. Wash was you need and the rest can wait. x

I’m here if you are still up? How was your day?

Thanks wouldit x

Another tough day. 2 hr long assessment with camhs to see if dd is on autistic spectrum. Looking like a yes. Feel so sad for her. Assessment was intense and she's feeling rubbish tonight. Some things I hadn't heard before, inc when on top this year in her favourite please she was still suffering with massive anxiety. Tbh a lot of the traits I identified with too

On hol this year

Poor DD, how old is she?

My instinct is to try and see the positive in the assessment outcome, a better understanding of what she is dealing with maybe? But I’m sure you have tried to do this and I know I’d want to slap anyone saying this to me right now if I was in your shoes.

Instead, I’m sending my love and a hug to you and your DCs. xxx

[Grin] I will see this as positive. But not tonight. I'm just really sad. My lovely ds is now worrying about dd on top of everyone else he's worrying about

He sounds like a very caring young man. x

He is wonderful, but weighed down by worry