Can too many awful things happening be too much

[colouringinpro]

I don't know how to keep going. The last six years have been a nightmare. OH very depressed, company I co-built taken apart after sale. OH manic. DD badly injured. OH very determined suicide attempt. Sectioned. Sad kids. Buried father-in-law. OH major psychotic episode. Sectioned. Post traumatic stress. Sad kids. Dd and Ds under CAMHS. Buried mother-in-law. Felt like we were climbing out if the abyss and then very recently OH brother took his own life Everyone devastated and for me also a Load of bad memories and emotions. And I'm struggling to think straight. And i spent today counting down the minutes. I just want to go to sleep

[Dancer12345]

How are you feeling now? Can you tell us in particular what you’re thinking at the moment?

[Hulah00pie]

You sound like you’re having such an awful time of it. If I could send positive energy in the post, it’d be in an envelope in a heartbeat. Stay strong x

[colouringinpro]

I just can't find any optimism. Autumn/winters of 2012 2014 2016 2018 total nightmares and getting worse. Didn't think it was possible to beat 2016 but now S is dead. DCs both unwell. I'm letting my poor lovely sil down by not going tomorrow. My job share texted me to as how's it going, so I said ie v fragile. That was 4pm. No reply. Did apologise for increasing her workload.

[colouringinpro]

Hula x

[dimsum123]

Thinking of you. x

[erinaceus]

Sending hugs colouringinpro.

I'm not going to compare my situation to yours because misery olympics helps no-one, but I can relate to having long periods of seemingly relentless traumatic events and the feeling of just-when-you-thought-it-couldn't-get-any-worse.

I think you need to absolutely focus on yourself and your DC for now, and choosing not to go to your SIL tomorrow is sensible IMO even if making that decision doesn't feel easy for you.

Keep posting if it helps. I used to hate it when people told me "it gets better" and "you will get through this" and even "you are strong", but now that I am in a period of relative calm between the crises I can see why they were saying that to me then and I wanted to convey a little of this sense to you.

[Prettyvase]

Will comedy help? Or planning little fun things to do or trips to take?

You definitely sounded more upbeat when you went for a walk and were with your friend, so may be you can plan something together?

[colouringinpro]

Doing a little better today. Actually hoovered downstairs and put some washing in.

My mum's I'll now. She thinks she might die. She's thought that before. She's a bit bonkers

[Dancer12345]

Sorry to hear your mum isn’t well. How are you doing today?

[colouringinpro]

Hi Dancer I've had a bit more get up and go today, though crashed now, so slowly things are headed in the right direction. My GP signed me off for this next week too, though am planning to go in for one day so that next week's not a total shock to the system...

[colouringinpro]

Slept til midday again, just don't wake up without an alarm. Caught up a bit more with housework and washing. Ran out of steam at 8. Hmmm

[colouringinpro]

I'm finding the news - climate change, brexit, misogyny overwhelming

[Woulditbeworth]

Hey,

Just read your thread and wanted to send my love. You are doing well, just keep looking after yourself.

xxx

[colouringinpro]

Thank you for the love xxx

[erinaceus]

The news gets to me too, especially when I am under other stresses. Is it feasible for you to take a news break? I do this sometimes and it helps me.

RE the sleeping until midday thing - I interpret it as, your body needs to rest. That is why you are sleeping so much. For me, I found the only way through that aspect of coping was to give into it, and rest as much as I felt I needed and was feasible given my other obligations. The copious rest thing did run its course but it went on for months. I watched a lot of terrible TV and slept more than I thought possible.

[Woulditbeworth]

How’s your day been, colouring?

xx

[colouringinpro]

Was very low yesterday, hormones a bit part....

Am going into work today for a shortened day, wish me luck.

Had a massive nightmare that OH jumped of a bridge and killed himself last night

[colouringinpro]

On the beta blockers.... with splitting headache. Colleagues v lovely though.

[Woulditbeworth]

Sorry about the nightmare, that sounds horrible and very unsettling. I hope you still managed to get a decent nights sleep.

Glad your colleagues have been supportive.

I’m feeling grateful for the sunshine today. xx

[colouringinpro]

Thanks wouldit yes the sun and warmth has been stunning.

I'm getting a bit worried about my state of mind now. Had two weeks off and feel terrible after doing one very relaxed day. Don't know what to do now.

[Woulditbeworth]

What’s made you feel terrible? Have you got another GP appointment booked in? x

[inthekitchensink]

Finances permitting, is it feasible to take the kids and go on an extended break? Temporary home schooling, and friends/family abroad? I can imagine the desperate need for a break and a change.

[colouringinpro]

I think work was too much. Don't know what else. Don't know about yesterday. Feels like about 11pm now.

I can ask my GP to ring me tomorrow and if she can she'll see me. She's amazing.

Sadly finances don't permit. OH and I are separated and both working p/t...

[colouringinpro]

Woukd love to escape to a small quiet hotel by the sea. Full board. Someone the kids live to spend most of the day with them. Silence. Sunshine.

[inthekitchensink]

Being signed off by the GP will be beneficial. Seems like there is no fuel in the tank. It does get better but this is a really shit bit, take it one tiny step at a time?