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Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Mental health

Can too many awful things happening be too much

143 replies

colouringinpro · 24/09/2018 22:54

I don't know how to keep going. The last six years have been a nightmare. OH very depressed, company I co-built taken apart after sale. OH manic. DD badly injured. OH very determined suicide attempt. Sectioned. Sad kids. Buried father-in-law. OH major psychotic episode. Sectioned. Post traumatic stress. Sad kids. Dd and Ds under CAMHS. Buried mother-in-law. Felt like we were climbing out if the abyss and then very recently OH brother took his own life Everyone devastated and for me also a Load of bad memories and emotions. And I'm struggling to think straight. And i spent today counting down the minutes. I just want to go to sleep

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colouringinpro · 01/10/2018 21:55

to you too.

Had a better last few hours, with DC. Pizza and broccoli and banana and ice cream for tea so don't feel too bad about that. Then we had a snuggle on the sofa watching rnib programme with a large g and t, plus bedtime stories. My dcs are lovely.

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colouringinpro · 01/10/2018 23:11

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PlinkPlink · 01/10/2018 23:38

God you've really really hard it so hard. Your utter emotional exhaustion really shines through your posts.

I have been through trauma but not so much in regards to deaths in families.

I can only try and tell you the things that worked for me. Some of them may help, some of them may not.

Counselling - I see you're doing this already. Definitely keep going. There were times I didn't want to.leave the house and wanted to cancel my counselling appointments. I was glad I stuck to them though.

Don't be too hard on yourself - accept that you need to wallow and hide under a blanket for a bit. Is there any way you could have a family member or friend take the kids for a weekend? Take their mind off it and give you some space?

Sleep - sleep as much as you need to. If you can't sleep, try Valerian tea. Don't drink it if you need to drive.

Meditate - I found this very helpful. Just to give my brain a break. I still do it now (child permitting). Emptying your mind of all that traffic and just focusing on one thing. Bliss.

Hobbies/self care - try to indulge yourself a little. I took a massage once every two weeks. Did my nails. Indulged my creative side by drawing. Read alot of books. I also escaped for a while in a rather immersive game on my Xbox. Sounds pathetic but it really helped me escape from the stress and anxiety. It helped me escape reliving the trauma as I played it out in my head so much.

Cry - you must grieve. You must cry. You must let this emotion out. I'd imagine counselling is the place you do this as you wouldn't want to do it in front of your kids.

Get outside - whilst it's important to accept the blanket days, its equally important to get out. Get some fresh air. Do it with the kids too. They need it too.

Surround yourself with friends and family - feel that support if you have it. Even ringing them will help.

You have been through so much OP and you really will be in my thoughts. It must feel never ending. Like your XH's family has sucked the life out of you and you have nothing left to give. I'm so sorry you have been burdened with it all.

I truly hope some of this helps. I hope you find some peace, I hope you find some time and head space. I hope you start to get some emotional energy back.

Sending you lots of love and light x

PlinkPlink · 01/10/2018 23:39

Argh I did put paragraphs in that but now I look at it, its come out a huge jumble of mess... Argh... drives me mad... Hope you can still read it OP

erinaceus · 02/10/2018 05:59

Morning @colouringinpro. Well done on getting dinner done and sofa snuggling as well.

@PlinkPlink's suggestions are great, I think.

Sending (camomile, obviously)

colouringinpro · 02/10/2018 21:26

Thanks plink some good ones. Did go for a walk with a friend today.

erinaceus on the chocolate tonight.

Feeling sooo low now. Very black.

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haverhill · 02/10/2018 21:35

You poor thing. That’s too much crap for one person to handle. . Be very, very kind to yourself because are just as important as everyone else.
Plink’s ideas are great. Try to claw back some headspace and joy. Even tiny things will add up.

Dancer12345 · 02/10/2018 21:45

Sending you hugs and strength. You’ve got through so much, you must be very strong. Definitely be kind to yourself - allow yourself to cry, not worry about cleaning the house or similar, time to curl up under a duvet, whatever helps. It’s good that you’ve been out for walks.
The Headspace app helps me when I’m feeling anxious. I’ve also got a mindfulness colouring book.
Do you have any hobbies?

colouringinpro · 02/10/2018 21:58

Thanks haverhill tonight it simply feels too much. Impossible.

Thanks dancer hugs much appreciated. I am quite arty - painting, illustrating, but have absolutely no motivation at the moment. The one thing that I can get enthused about is an extension we have planned, the layouts, decor etc.

I'm due to visit my sister in law Thursday. I really want to as we have a particular connection re our mentally ill husbands. But I also know it will be exhausting...

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Dancer12345 · 02/10/2018 22:04

Ooh an extension is exciting! Keep yourself busy looking online at colours, accessories, etc. I can while away hours doing that!

Re your SIL - could you agree to spend a set amount of time discussing what’s happened then agree to discuss inane things like TV, weather, etc? This will give you chance to talk about your feelings but also to then have a bit of “normality” and try to not focus on it for a short time. How far away does she live?

colouringinpro · 02/10/2018 22:15

She's a couple of hours away. We've been helping with funeral service, finding her way through everything that needs to happen etc. Might see if we could go out for a walk. Even OH asked if I was up to it tonight which showed a very unusual degree of emotional intelligence...

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Dancer12345 · 02/10/2018 23:47

Are you going there and back in one day? That’s quite a way if you’re not feeling great. A walk sounds good though. What did you say to OH?

colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 00:12

I said I wasn't sure. He would prob drive both ways - did when we went a fortnight ago.

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erinaceus · 03/10/2018 05:39

An extension sounds like a good project to have going on and think about.

I agree with others that carving out the tiny things and allowing yourself to feel what you feel and do what you need to do sounds as if it is where you are at at the moment. Sending lots of support to you.

colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 12:19

With the exception of this thread I'm trying to have a social media free day. Sent my dd to school crying again. It's apparently her worst day of the week and she was desperate to stay home. The last hour I've had over a dozen texts beginning me to pick her up, she's really struggling. I can't bear to. On wed OH takes kids after school so today the house is mine til 9.

Bollocks her school has just rung me

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colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 12:20

Well that's that for my restful morning. Had been feeling a bit better and bit calmer. Not any more.

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colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 12:21

There is never a break

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erinaceus · 03/10/2018 12:38

It's true, it can be relentless.

Is your DD with you now?

Prettyvase · 03/10/2018 12:44

So sorry to hear what you are going through, is there a possibility you could go for a walk, may be with your daughter sometime today?

Your mental health is so important and you have identified what has brought yours down.

You don't need to do anything apart from rest.

When you have had enough of the day, snuggling up in bed with a warm drink, may be a good book and some treats.

Try and have something to look forward to, no matter how small, every day.

colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 13:25

I had to ring matron and ask her to keep dd at school. I think I sounded rubbish enough. Dd doing work from her pm lessons in matrons next room.

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colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 13:29

I did quite a lot yesterday, walk with friend, popping in on another having a v tough time, counselling and yoga. Yoga was too much. So v lazy today which feels ok

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colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 19:22

So apart from the Dd and matron scenario, today has been very quiet. If I could have a week like today I think I'd feel a lot better. Might get some quiet on Saturday.

Still don't know what to do about tomorrow

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haverhill · 03/10/2018 21:40

I know, it must be really hard. You’re coping with so much and here’s this other person going through hell too. You want to support her but are clearly very fragile yourself.
Are you managing to relax a bit this evening?

colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 21:52

Hmm, not so much. Dc back. Ds complaining of bad sore throat. Dd v unsettled but doesn't seem too bad but then I saw a text she sent to a friend saying she felt like crying all the time. Encouraged her to have a cry. OH saying maybe I should not see sister in law as so tired. Might be right. Don't know what to do anymore

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colouringinpro · 03/10/2018 22:04

Feel like my heads explodinģ

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