Anyone in hospital right now and wants to start a support thread?

[UndertheCedartree]

Hello - I've currently been on my long-term in-patient placement for a month - looking at being here around 18 months.

Anyone else in hospital whether acute or long term?

Not in hospital ATM but I have been in the past including some planned admissions that were several months long, not as long as you are anticipating but longer than a short crisis admission.

I was thinking of starting a support thread today, as I'm struggling right now and I have found ongoing support threads helpful in the past.

Not sure if this helps? Hope you're okay today.

Hi erinaceus - thanks for replying. It would be great if you joined this thread and hopefully others will too.

I am in the assessment process at the moment. My psychologist is doing a formulation. We are talking about a lot of things from my past which is very difficult.

I also see my psychiatrist once a week in Ward round and do a Mindfulness session and DBT skills class once a week. We also practice Mindfulness every morning in the morning meeting and we do Relaxation in the evenings.

Are there any practices that help you?

I haven't been in hospital long term, but I was detained for the best part of 24 hours about 2 months ago, which led to almost being detained again, but was given the option for the crisis team to see me instead, which lasted about 6 weeks. Just stopped seeing them last week.

Hope you're doing ok

Hi Bippitty - I'm glad the crisis team helped you. I didn't find them very helpful when I saw them last year. I was sectioned for a month but luckily been informal since then. Although I'm informal I still don't really have a choice as under my children's 'Child in Need' plan I have to engage with mental health services. I am really hoping the DBT programme will help me.

How are you now? Have you learned any skills to help you?

I didn't really engage with them at the beginning. It was only the last two or three visits I started to open up more. I would never ring them, still probably wouldn't. I have a DC too, which is mainly why I decided to really try and seem like I'm coping, or I knew I would end up in hospital.

I'm starting CBT although I still have to see a psychiatrist every week. It's probably my anxiety shining through once again, but what got me today and I can't stop thinking about it, was they asked me if I knew what diagnoses I have been given. And I said I think from the various meetings, clinical depression has been mentioned a couple of times. But they didn't say anything to my response, now my head's racing thinking do they have something else in mind? I have no idea.

What diagnoses (if any have you been given) if you don't mind me asking?

I have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.

I have 2 children and feel incredibly guilty about everything I've put them through. But I'm really hoping this is going to be the turning point. I have struggled my whole life but last summer it all just got too much and I massively crashed and burnt. I was so unwell I really didn't care about anything. I thought my children would be better off without me. They stopped being my ultimate protective factor

I do think the more honest and open you can be with the professionals the better in terms of getting the help you really need.

Bippity - you have every right to know your diagnosis so you should ask. I just wonder if you have a firm diagnosis yet and that's why they didn't say anything? Getting the correct diagnosis is so important for getting the right treatment so don't worry if they have something else in mind as that just means they are wanting to give you the right treatment

That sounds very hard for you.

I had a similar experience when my DC was born, he's just over 2 and a half now, but when he was born, and I'm ashamed to say this, because I don't feel this anymore, but that night when I had to stay in, I cried. I just wanted to go home, and if someone had taken my new born in the middle of the night, I wouldn't have cared. It sounds awful and I'm so ashamed about writing that down. I don't feel like that anymore. It's taken a while, but I'm slowly starting to love my son.

I mentioned briefly about how I felt when he was born, but never mentioned in great detail. They suspected I probably had pnd, which my partner picked up on the time, but I just thought I was really tired and I would eventually pull myself out of it. Which one did. And I coped for while. It's been going on since I was a teenager, after a fatal od, but I haven't had any serious suicide attempts since nice then. Mainly self harm.

I have a problem with alcohol as well, which they're aware of. But I wouldn't say I was dependent, its more of a self medicating thing that I do, and I never drank when I was pregnant. Sometimes I wish I was in hospital, as at this point, it's going to kill me sooner rather than later.

Hi Bippity

Sounds like you've been struggling for a long time like me I find it hard to talk about my feelings around my children to as some of my thoughts and behaviour have been terrible.

I self harm too - mainly cutting but sometimes burning, punching and headbutting. I have also used drugs and alcohol as coping strategies but like you I completely stopped during pregnancy and babyhood. I have recently found in hospital that holding an ice pack can help me to calm down.

I know it sounds scary to be in hospital but it literally has saved my life because I would have probably killed myself by now if not admitted.

I am still here and reading and sending virtual supports. I will post a bit more context of my situation later on. Just reading about your struggles helps me feel less alone today.

Oh gosh that sounds awful. How are you getting on today UndertheCedartree?

I stopped self harming for a good few years, some blips, but I was fairly stable for a while. Then since last October it's come back, but I haven't in about a week, which is good for me. A lot of the time it's impulsive, which is a major problem.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today erinaceus That's why I write stuff on here, sounds silly, but it's a bit like self therapy, just getting everything off my chest makes me feel less alone. I've actually thought about keeping a diary.

Bippity - that is so good that you haven't self harmed in a week - well done you! I do it impulsively too which does mean being in hospital I self harm less as there is less opportunity to do it impulsively.

Glad you feel less alone - me too, erin

I'm not feeling great today as I have a cold and my period. Just trying to rest up. I've also been having some flashbacks and intrusive thoughts around something I was speaking to my psychologist this week which are not pleasant. Pretty much coping with cigarettes and lorazapam as I've not got the energy to try anything more creative

I’m a current inpatient being treated for depression and PTSD have been in for a month and likely got another month to go. Finding the therapy useful and surroundings are nice so been an ok experience so far

Yes I agree. It is helpful for me too. I had a very difficult thing happen today and now that it is over I feel immensely relieved. Phew!

Sending all.

UndertheCedartree Yeah, after the third time and spending 2 days in a&e in the space of a week and a half, I actually thought I was going to be admitted, but I wasn't. I just have to see someone weekly.

My mood's been really good today apart from feeling a bit sick, but I'm feeling fine. I don't know if it's the new dosage, but I have told my partner to keep an eye out for my mood going too high like last time, as I don't notice when I do, and end up being reckless.

Glad your mood has been good, Bippity and hope the meds help. But yeah it can sometimes make you too high so good you have someone keeping an eye on you.

Grumpbum - I am glad you are having a good experience as an inpatient and finding the therapy useful. It can be difficult getting used to normal life after a long stay but as long as it is managed well you should be ok. What therapy are you having?

I'm still feeling sorry for myself with this horrible cold. But I saw my children yesterday and we played the Game of Life - which was fun 😊

Getting my head round a new week on the ward. Seeing psychologist on Tues and ward round on Wed. Also looking forward to my boyfriend visiting on Wed. Just got to keep going and hope it will help in the end.

Yeah I can feel it happening again. I couldn't get to sleep until about 5am, then was up at 10. And I have to be up early tomorrow and I know I won't sleepy then either. It's like so many thoughts going on in my head at once. I thought I was going nuts earlier as I could hear faint music. Still don't know where that was coming from. I had the tv on but it's was mainly CBeebies for my son lol.

Cebeebies, enough to drive anyone round the bend I suppose! Haha

Hey again folks. I'm feeling loads better today and saw my brother for a chat. I am struggling with eating and sleeping right now. I bought a ready meal so that at least I would have a meal for dinner, put it in the oven and fell asleep. It is now burnt to a crisp! At least I got some sleep though.

I am hoping that the current blip doesn't last long. I feel as if I'm fighting on all fronts not to spiral downwards. My mood is okay actually but I had lots of strong emotions this past week and next week has lots of stress in it too. It just feels never ending right now.

Morning all,

One thing I have found that has really helped me in hospital is the routine. So I get up at the same time every day and go to bed about the same time too. I have my meds at the same time and never skip/forget them. I also eat a regular 3 meals. I think sleep and eating are so important for our mental health. They always go wrong for me when I'm very unwell.

I take quetiapine at night and it helps me sleep and I am encouraged to eat at every meal even if only a little I think it helps. The other thing is exercise which is really good for the mood. We can go to the gym every day, ward sports once a week and there is also swimming, football and walking groups in the community. I'm hoping to start swimming once I've had my community assessment.

I hope everyone has a good day and a good sleep tonight. I am going to concentrate on eating and sleeping today and exercise will have to wait as I have no energy with this cold.

Yeah, routine is so helpful. In the hospital the externally imposed structure is containing, I find. I'm living on my own and was always a bit chaotic anyway so imposing a routine on myself is challenging. I work FT which helps, and am looking into getting a cat which apparently also helps with routine.

I don't have a set routine, which I know isn't helping. I had about 2 hours sleep last night even though I went to bed, I just couldn't get to sleep.

Not in hospital, but suffered mh issues over 35 yrs!! Anxiety and depression. The way I wake up as a massive impact on my day, ie. if I haven’t slept well, waking with stomach churning, chest discomfort (not palps) once my mind get started on the thoughts of the symptoms, which I’ve now been told to accept! There thoughts. I do but it doesn’t have much impact then I get a sudden surge of my mood like the lives being sucked out of me, so frightening and physical. I’ve been a&e 3 times now twice sent home told to go to gp 1 gp sent me! Spoke to mh team, which sounded really helpful whilst in the room, till they had word with my ex psych and she said go back gp and up meds to 225mg! So got no help. It’s so horribleand so frightening when you think your going mad and feels like you could snap anytime. In in a way your lucky to be getting that much support for so long, I kind of envy you. What borough/city do you ladies live? And what meds you on if you don’t mind me asking ? As mine tameside part of gtr Manchester is so inundated, only thing I got is cbt at step4 complex (where things haven’t worked previously) I waited 9 mths for appointment, even psychologist says I’m trauma therapy. Gp as written to secondary mh team twice in last year, I went for accessment and didn’t meet criteria bpd or schizophrenia. So get all what’s on offer, to help you.

That sounds really tough granadagirl I'm sorry you're not getting the support you want. It is hard. Unfortunately for me, I had to reach rock bottom before anything happened. I was hearing things, and my paranoia made me believe that something or someone was out to get me. Still get that from time to time, but not as intense. I skipped the gp, and ended up in a psychiatric hospital (after being taken there by a&e staff) and a meeting with a psychiatrist the same day. The main reason why I was allowed to leave. Started off with mirtazapine, which didn't agree with me at all. Made me even more suicidal and impulsive and then a talk with the crisis team. Currently taking sertraline and was on zoplicone for a few weeks to help me sleep, but I don't take that anymore. I live in Edinburgh.

Sorry granadagirl that sounds awful. I am in South east Essex but in hospital in East London. It is tier 4. I realise how lucky I am to get this help - it took a long time coming but so many people slip through the net. I take quetiapine to help with psychosis/mood stabalisation and venlafaxine for anxiety/depression. Also lorazapam PRN