Anyone in hospital right now and wants to start a support thread?

[UndertheCedartree]

Hello - I've currently been on my long-term in-patient placement for a month - looking at being here around 18 months.

Anyone else in hospital whether acute or long term?

You both sound like you’ve gone through a lot of shit. It’s so hard some days just to switch thoughts off they have you believing them just as simple as the sickly thought then you find it hard to eat/want food. I am also on venlafaxine just upped 6 weeks ago to 187.5mg capsules xr and diazepam as needed . What mg of Ven are you on? I lost 1st 10lb over last year through this episode.

Hi all, not currently inpatient for nearly 2 years, but getting no help and struggling.
I know the falling asleep and waking to an incinerated dinner well

@Broken11Girl Your comment has cheered me up! That incident with the charred premade cottage pie made me feel spectacularly at a time when I was trying so hard with my self care. Feeling loads better today after seeing a friend yesterday. Stressful week ahead though, am trying to be zen but my mood is definitely fragile. I feel as if I'm putting a lot of energy just into staying steady. Inside I'm reacting emotionally to everything, lots of overthinking going on.

*made me feel spectacularly useless at a time...

Oh gosh, that sounds well..interesting! I was like that on mirtazapine. I didn't know what was going on for a few days, or what day it was.

erinaceus I can imagine. I've survived on the best part of 6 hours sleep the past two days, which I knew would happen as I had to be up at 5am on both days. This morning I felt surprisingly energetic considering. I know I'm going to crash and burn at some point though!

I thought it was the sertraline, but I've been taking it as soon as I get up (5am) and limiting my caffeine intake. Yesterday I had 3 cups of coffee..that's it. Last one I had was just after 3pm and I still couldn't get to sleep until after 12am.

Granada girl - I'm on 225mg - slow release too. The quetiapine has made me gain loads of weight - waiting to see the dietician and then hopefully can shift some of it. At least the food here is healthier than my last hospital. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Intrusive thoughts are horrible Have you got any coping strategies?

Bippity - I couldn't sleep on setraline - made me so restless. Hope you get some rest soon.

I saw my psychologist today - she wants me to start DBT to learn some skills before dealing with my past - she mentioned schema therapy.

UndertheCedartree I'm going to try, but I feel like I'm going to start using alcohol again to sleep (I know it's an unhealthy mechanism) I've tried nytol, which didn't help. The only thing that calmed me down was zoplicone, but I understand they can be addictive and only used for a short term measure. I haven't asked for anymore. I think I was prescribed 2 weeks worth, which I made last for about a month and didn't take it everyday. But I didn't get the fuzzy feeling the next day like I did with mirtazapine. It made me feel well rested, which I hadn't experienced in a while.

What's the difference between DBT and CBT?

I've started smoking again too. I stopped for a good 3 months) then when shit hit the fan I started again

Sorry your are so low. How do you get into a hospital. I am really depressed keep wanting to commit suicide really struggling not to. I don't have anyone that can be with me 24/7. My daughter is being really horrible to me saying she wants me dead and my son is lovely but currently refusing school on and off for ASD. I could probably just about get through without daughter to deal with. Just about to lose job. Just moved so know no-one and no other jobs round here in what I do. Not registered with doctors here yet. Have a DH who can look after kids though daughter being horrid to him too and he's on ASD. Thanks and sorry to bother you when you are so low yourself. Other thing I could do is move back to old house where I have friends but would mean moving kids schools and would it be better. Are jobs there. Daughter would still be hellish though. Other house needs a lot of tidying too before could live in it.

Cedartree
I too see a psychologist or psychotherapist ? Going to ask her exactly what she is.
Go asked me what sort of therapy she was doing with me, she said cbt!!!! Go seemed quite shocked as at step4 she thought it’d be something a bit more. As I did
I’ve had 9 already and she keeps mentioning different things
Also mentioned schema therapy, so don’t know. Last time I got the impression she wanted to crack on
As I think she feels I’ve nearly had half of my sessions 😠 I don’t even think I touched anything!
Everything is time limit on nhs,

Be really interesting to see what your schema therapy involves when you start?
My coping strategies
I try to keep busy(not all the time)
Ie house jobs, if I’m up to going out
Shopping or coffee
I read, bit of iPad,garden(weather permitting)
I’m dreading winter, I’m not one for going out in the cold,rain,snow☃️

What strategies do you have/use ?

Hi
How’s all you ladies coping??

How’s it going in hospital cedertree you’ve been quite hope your ok?
What are the other patients like, any you bond with? Is it a large ward, only women. Hope your visit from boyfriend went ok, is it very far from the area you live.
How do you spend your days in there, are you allowed outside?
Glad the foods ok, that’s got to be a plus
X

In still in here meds wise I’m on 375mg Venlafexine XL and 100mg Quitiapine three times a day plus Diazepam as needed. I need to reduce the Quitiapine as I’m sleepy most afternoons and I need to get back to works at some point.
I had my one to one today which always spirals the rest of the day into a bit of a muddle. I’m getting trauma therapy.
Psychiatrist tomorrow to discuss length of stay been here 1 month already and I’m missing home

Hi everyone. I'm coping well, although I've fallen down the YouTube rabbit hole and utterly convinced myself I need to buy an electronic recorder to see if there is something in my house. I believe this is the reason for why I feel how I'm feeling and I'm being controlled. Found a new song I really like, you know when a song just speaks to you? And you feel a real connection with it? Been listening to it on repeat for the past two hours.

Hi Granadagirl - I've been put on a new medication - pregabalin. It literally knocked me out yesterday. I slept the whole day and when I was made to get up to have something to eat and drink everyone said I looked like a zombie. I could barely keep my eyes open! Luckily my body seems to have started adapting really quickly because although I feel shattered I am not in zombie mode - thank god! They will be increasing it gradually so hopefully I won't get as bad an effect when it is put up but I think it will be a sleepy few weeks for me.

It is a small ward only 12 beds and all women. I get on with everyone but there are a few I chat to particularly. The only thing is I am the oldest there and the only one with children. On my acute ward there was a much wider age range and a lot of mothers. So there are things I can't really talk to anyone about - well I have been talking to the Social worker as she is older than me and a mum and I speak to my psychologist too.

The visit from my boyfriend went great. He lives an hour away from the hospital by train so not bad. We went to a cafe for lunch and then sat in a park. It was really nice having some time on our own as usually we are with the children too.

I'm allowed outside and there is a small park over the road from the hospital where we sit and smoke. I sometimes go for walks in the local area - just starting to explore it - have found the corner shop, supermarket, park and riverside. Want to find the shopping centre next. The ward is good at providing activities either done by the nursing staff or Occupational therapy. There are things like arts and crafts, nail painting, relaxation, gym, music group, healthy living. There are also courses you can do on the computer and workshops you can go to. In the community they do swimming, football and a walking group. There are also trips once a month to museums/tourist attractions and bowling once a month in the evening. I'm hoping for my community assessment soon.

Hi grumpbum - I'm on 300mg of Quetiapine slow release all taken at night. I was on 400mg but it made me too sleepy in the day. With the 300mg it helps me sleep but I'm ok in the morning. Perhaps you could ask to take yours all at night.

Hi bippity - I get attached to songs too. Used to listen to sound cloud a lot but not allowed my phone on the ward now. It can be very confusing having thoughts that maybe you think sound a bit strange but seems true to you. I was convinced there was a camera watching me in my bedroom and that social services and other authorities were watching it. Do you feel you're being a bit paranoid or not sure if it is true or not? If so it would be worth talking to someone before you buy anything 😊

hello. i did 5 weeks back in 2012, and another couple of weeks in 2013.

current diagnoses are BPD with complex PTSD, MDD, GAD, OCD... lots of things with initials.

as for meds: 425 quetiapine, 45mg mirtazapine, 10mg vortioxetine (i am not convinced this is even a real drug), 600mg pregablin, thyroid meds, opiate patch for arthritis pain, lots of anti-inflammatories. some days all i can do is sleep/eat bread and marmite.

i’m doing a brave face at the moment. my kid just went up to uni and i miss her terribly. rheumatology won’t put me back on arthritis meds as i have had a chest infection for a month now but nobody seems to care. i’m in such a lot of physical pain and it’s all just a mess.

thing is tho, it’s still loads better now i’m sober. been on the wagon 4.5 years now - it was sober up or die, and that particular day i chose sober. life fucking hurts tho - like wearing my nerves on the outside.

i take sleep meds every night, and diazepam all day every day. i hate sleeping as i have awful constant recurring dreams and i don’t know anyone in them at all. ever. things are getting a little weird generally. i had photos done for an ID last week and i don’t recognise the person in them. lots of coincidences too at the moment - songs on the radio, stuff on the telly. i can almost always see ‘hidden’ things in movies, but i don’t know if they are actually there, or just for me.

christ, i sound like a basket case. i’m pushing for an admission to try and straighten out why i’m on so much medication and i still feel like utter dogshit. i’m also pushing for ECT. i might get 1:1 therapy but i have to pretty much interview for it as my trust is in special measures and there is no money for anything, and no beds. i think i just want to get zapped and cauterise the whole thing out of me. i had an awful, awful childhood and i can’t bear carrying it any longer.

but! sorry, OP and everyone else. i think i needed to get that out so thank you and i won’t derail any more.

(except, do i tell my care co about coincidences and patterns? she knows about the photo thing and made a ‘hmm’ face. i’ve done 3 med changes in 18 months and i’m utterly fried, i think)

keep on keeping on..

I do suffer from paranoia. I once put plasters on the plugs as I thought there was a camera in them. Sounds bonkers and I don't think that all the time. Other times I'm convinced I'm in some sort of trueman show and everyone is on it. I haven't mentioned it to my therapist, mainly because I forget about it, or I think I'm fine now and I won't think that again. They know I sometimes hear voices and music playing in my head, but I haven't had that in a while either.

Looking back I think I had some kind of psychotic break when my mum died a few years ago. The voices were really bad then and I would put salt around the door to stop bad things getting in. Also felt like I was being constantly watched and could feel someone touching my face or leg. It wasn't very nice, but felt 100% real at the time. It lasted a couple of months and I managed to pull myself out of it.

I haven't been diagnosed with anything, clinical depression has been mentioned once or twice, but that's about it.

How bad do you have to be before they'll admit you for a hospital stay?

Here's my story OP. I've had three suicide attempts and last night I tried for a fourth. My depression is awful. I'm going through a traumatic separation and my fragile mind literally can't take it.

I sat and wrote a suicide note this morning to STXH it's horrendous. I've been referred to the mental health team - my assessment is in a few weeks but in the meantime I have been given 2 zopiclone (don't work at all so utterly pointless) and 50mg sertraline and that's it. I was sobbing, begging in the surgery the other day. The suicidal thoughts are real and distressing, i think my ex is out to purposefully harm me, and I can't eat properly or sleep haven't in months. Last night I felt so numb - so I just took a load of pills I had lying around and for the second time in 2 months woke up saying shit that didn't work.

I have 2 DC who I love so so much but the way I feel right now... I don't know what to do. I was diagnosed with GAD in 2010. A lot of shit has happened since then and I'm mentally the worst I've ever been in my life.

Hey ex-wife and stew pot - I'm so sorry to hear you are both really struggling at the moment. Please keep posting here. I generally work on the belief that it is best to be completely honest with your care providers - but I know how difficult that can be at times. But ex-wife I would tell your care - co about the coincidences etc. Stew pot - it is so bad when you are left to wait for an appointment. The only thing I can suggest if you are feeling suicidal is either A & E or an emergency appointment with your GP and tell them just how bad you are feeling. You may end up with crisis team support or sent to the assessment unit. Just keep asking for help.
Bippity - I also have a thing about not letting the bad things in and ways to protect me. But if there is anyone around me who does anything wrong like being nasty to someone or telling a lie - I panic that that will let badness in.

Rocketman - I don't know really - it can often be a bit of a lottery depending on the professionals that are assessing you. When I got sectioned I had been progressively deteriorating for 3 months. I had tried to kill myself twice and was ready to do it again. I have 2 young children - don't know if that makes a difference or not. I had started with IAPT - gone through GP, Crisis team, A&E, Assessment unit and then finally First response where my care co sectioned me. What is going on for you?

my care co is doing AMP training and says our local ward is not great at the moment. too many agency staff and some very unwell people as the Psych intensive/forensic ward is shut due to no staff.

my care co’s training means she will be unavailable for a couple of months but assures me i’ll have someone else until she comes back. the trust is in special measures and i’m hanging on to having a care co with my fingernails as if i get discharged now i’ll never get back into secondary services.

i have a psychiatrist appointment next week and she is lovely, so i might say about the photo thing and the hidden messages. i just started on a med called Vortioxetine (having come off years of venlafaxine onto sertraline, then off sertraline again about 2 months ago as it hates me) and my OCD is if anything getting worse. it takes me hours to get ready to leave the house. it takes me at least 45 minutes to get ready for and then into bed at night. i’m exhausted. utterly, utterly exhausted. my thyroid is fucked as well though so i guess that doesn’t help.

my arthritis pain is horrible. i had a chest infection that lasted about a month and the Rheumatology team took me off my methotrexate. they say i’m not well enough to go back on anything, and won’t review for 3 months. so i have to go back to the GP, who also tends to want to meddle with my psych meds and i don’t want her to - i just want to know how to be well enough to go back on immunosuppressants before it gets proper cold.

so round and round and round we go. i’m tired and i’d like to step off the treadmill for a bit.

i hope everyone’s doing ok. i don’t have much real-life support as i’m mostly estranged from my family. i did a support group through Psychology to try and manage BPD emotions and improve self esteem, and i got bullied out of it by my peers. so that made me feel brilliant, as you can imagine.

ugh.

exWifebeginsat40 Chronic pain is horrible and really doesn't help with your mental health. I don't have arthritis (although I was tested for it) as a have chronic knee pain, almost 3 years now that seems to have appeared out of the blue just after my dc was born.

Then I ended up spraining what was already a fragile knee a few weeks ago. I still wake up constantly through the night in pain. I was given numerous blood tests, all came back negative, so no idea what is going on there. All I know is that I'm in constant pain with it. I know that's part of my my problem, but just the tip of the iceberg. Worried every time I walk for a long period of time my knee might decide to buckle.

Been getting the rage! Need to wait for meds before we can go for a cig and the qualified is on her break 😠😠😠

How is everyone doing? I had a difficult time when everything got on top of me and I felt so angry I started punching the wall. We had a new patient arrive who turned out to be someone I knew from my old hospital.

I'm home for the weekend so hoping it will go well. I've done some colouring this week which has really hoped with distraction. Anyone got any good ways to distract or calm themselves down?