Anyone in hospital right now and wants to start a support thread?

[UndertheCedartree]

Hello - I've currently been on my long-term in-patient placement for a month - looking at being here around 18 months.

Anyone else in hospital whether acute or long term?

How do you know you will be there so long? That terrifies me.

Hi @UndertheCedartree

Gosh, I know the anger, and how I take it out on myself. I'm assuming, sorry if I'm being intrusive, but how do you know the other person? And why do they make you feel the way you are feeling?

I can't offer any advice right now, but do you have anything you enjoy? Just a wee thing, music? I like music. I listen to music all the time.

I understand, I'm the same when I'm desperate for a cig! Don't worry 🤗

Cedar tree
Hope your weekend goes well without any complications and you enjoy it 😊

Starting new meds will play havoc with you, did the psych not explain the pregablin wil knock you out or make you have the feeling of feeling drunk? Don’t let them up you to quickly, as you will need to get used to the drug. Pregablin is for anxiety???

Are your kids at home? Is your boyfriend looking after them? Only asking as you havnt mentioned seeing them.

As for distraction., get away from the situation. Go for a walk corridor or outside(if you can) jog on the spot to get rid of angry/adrenaline
Breathing exercises, breathe in through nose count to 4 slowly, hold for few seconds, breathe out slowly through mouth count of 4.

Please don’t let them pump you with meds, stay with the pregablin for a couple month, see how you feel on it.
There very good at try this, add this, I don’t know how old and wise you are but don’t let them push meds on you, as it may be a case of other therapy that might help.

Quick question
How can they say an 18 mth stay ?

Bippity - it wasn't the new patient that made me feel angry. I know her as we were on the same ward at my old hospital. I got really angry as the youngest girl on the ward was crying and having a hard time. I had spent some time comforting her and talking to her. I feel quite protective of the younger ones as I'm late 30s. I just suddenly felt overwhelmed with the thought of how much trauma these girls have been through and I didn't want them to feel the pain I do. I like music but not allowed my phone on the ward which I usually use to listen to music but we put the music channels on.

Chapsie, Granada - the ward I am on is a long stay ward. My psychologist wants me to do the DBT programme which is a year long. After adding on initial assessment and therapy to prevent relapse it is usually 18 months. She has said she wants me to do Schema therapy too but she wants me to get some skills first from DBT. I'm hoping the Schema therapy will run alongside the DBT after a few months and not be on top of the 18 months.

Yes, my kids are at home Their dad has them when I'm in hospital but this weekend they are with me and my boyfriend.

Granada - I was a bit concerned with them drugging me up but they did tell me that when you are preparing for discharge they start reducing your meds which made me feel better. I think it is a case of using the meds to help you get through therapy and then once you've done the therapy reducing them down. Yeah, the pregabalin is for anxiety. Going for a walk is a good idea and breathing. We practice a mindfulness exercise everying morning in the morning meeting. My favourite is the breathing.

Hope everyone has a good weekend

Hey @UndertheCedartree. Hope your weekend is going okay.

The only thing I have to add around DBT is that I asked someone I know who has done an intensive DBT programme “does it work?” as it was being mentioned for me. She said that yes, it does, but for one thing the skills take practice, and for another, you need to be learning the skills when you are not in crisis.

At the time I was in a semi-perpetual state of crisis. Now that I am more stable, I don’t think I will end up doing a full DBT program but I do find bits and pieces of the skills useful and I can see what my friend meant. I keep meaning to buy the workbook which I hear is good. (I do have a therapist, but not a DBT one.)

Therefore to me it makes sense that your treatment team want to do a thorough assessment and be confident that you are relatively stable before you start DBT or schema therapy so that you can get the most from them.

Does that make sense?

I can relate to wanting to care for others when on the ward, I am empathetic and it gets a bit out of control sometimes. I remember being on the acute ward and worrying about all the other patients so much!

Sending

Hi @UndertheCedartree How are you getting on this evening?

Erinacaus - yes I agree you need to not be in crisis. When I had my assessment for the hospital there was a lot of checking I was able to commit to the programme. You have to be reasonably settled to be accepted although you have to be actively self-harming to be accepted.

I spoke to my therapist about caring so much for all the other girls and she said I am drawn to people I can care for but I need to learn my boundaries.

Hi Bippity - how are you doing? The ward has been unsettled which seems to spread to everyone. Pretty common on a ward of people with EUPD I would have thought. A few nights ago everything got on top of me and I ended up self harming Claiming Universal credit has been an utter nightmare and left me in lots of debt. I'm slowly trying to sort it all out with the social worker and advicate. I'm not feeling that great tonight. The day staff have been great trying to keep us all busy and trying to calm us down with relaxation and pampering but I feel lonely at night.

Oh no, you poor thing. I self harm too, although I haven't in about a month (the urge is still there sometimes) I've had quite a stressful couple of days. Ended up hallucinating, not as bad today, but it's still there coupled with massive paranoia. And I've hurt my knee, which hasn't really helped the situation.

I used to work with two people who were diagnosed with EUPD, so I can understand how it must be at the moment. Very tiring fighting what's going on in your own head on top of having to deal with other people who are in the same boat.

I feel lonely too. Had a bit of an argument with my DP who is quite frankly sick of my shit. Understandable, I wouldn't put up with me either.

Oh well done you for not self harming for a month

I get paranoia and hallucinations when I am very stressed although the quetiapine I am on has really helped. I hope you're ok? Is there anyone you can talk to about it?

I just feel like downing a bottle of wine and smoking loads of cigatettes. Obviously not an option here so I just feel very tense and frustrated.

Yep I do that, although it's gin with me. The main reason why I stopped is because I'm running out of places to hide it and if I keep on doing it I'll be limited to what I can wear, as obviously I don't want anyone to see it. That's what I hate about it as well, the fear that if anyone saw it, they would think I am attention seeking, which isn't the case at all. Why would I go to great lengths to cover it up.

I texted a crisis number last night and then stopped texting because I thought the government was taping into my conversation. I'm only on sertraline 100mg.

Hey @Underthecedartree it sounds like a tough programme but also potentially quite transformative? I can easily imagine how when you have a lot of women who have a diagnosis of EUPD living together strong emotions can ripple through the community, because I have had shorter admissions to an environment which is similar to that.

Hopefully the staff can help you to be mindful of boundaries as you figure out how much caring is safe and sensible for you to do. It could be a good environment to figure that out whilst you have support.

I really feel for you on the Universal Credit front, It's good that you have a SW who can work with you to understand it, because it sounds like a nightmare and doubly cruel that you have to deal with it when you already have so much else on your plate.

Hey @BippityBoppity87 well done on resisting the SH urges, not easy.

Loneliness is so rubbish, isn't it? I'm looking into getting a pet for company, at the moment I talk to myself a lot, and MN during the wee small hours...

Take care, both of you.

Bippity - I would definitely reccomend talking to your GP or care co about the voices and paranoia. It might be that it would help to increase the setraline or try another med to help. There are meds that can help - please don't suffer in silence.

Erinaceus - yes I think it is going to be so hard but could really help. There is a lot of. focus on mindfulness. We do a mindfulness exercise every morning in our planning meeting and a session with the psychiatrist every week. When we are struggling they have lots of things we can try to help soothe us - ice packs, toxic sweets, tangles and other distraction toys. We are encouraged to find what works for us. What pet do you think you might get? We had the Pat dog come in yesterday - so cute!

I came across the ice pack idea recently, never tried that before but I think I might try it in the future. I’m always on the look-out for new strategies that might help me! For distraction I rate iPhone games as good to fiddle with.

I’m looking at getting a cat, I’ve never had a cat before so terribly nervous I won’t be a good enough cat owner, despite repeated reassurances that it isn’t all that hard.

I would reccomend trying the ice pack. I'd never used it before this ward but it really helps me calm down. Phone games are good. I use them when on public transport to distract from my anxiety.

I have 2 cats and they are pretty easy to look after.

What is usually prescribed for things like that UndertheCedartree? and would the GP be able to prescribe it? I don't think sertraline is working to be honest.

Thank you @erinaceus It's not easy. Sometimes it's a constant thought in my head that I can't shake off, other times it can come completely out of the blue.

I've thought this for years though. My first trigger was when I went to uni when I was 18. I went completely off the rails. Went out drinking almost every night, I never drank alchohol before that. Slept with the first person I saw in a night club. Again, this was something that I never did. Raked up £8k of debt in a short space of time. To this day I still don't know what I spent it on.

Lost friends over it, nearly didn't finish my degree. Almost wanted to be an escort. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was deadly serious about it, and didn't realise how risky I was being. I just thought everyone was trying to ruin my fun and I was the best thing since sliced bread.

Then came the crashing low and I realised what I had done, which is when I went to the gp who prescribed me AD's, again sent me sky high, more dangerous than before. I came off it myself after about a month as it was getting out of control. Ended up breaking my foot and being in a cast. It was bad.

Then I had a period of normal for a good 5/6 or so. Started self harming again, and I just assumed it was seasonal affective disorder as my mood always dipped around November time and lifted again in the spring. So for a while I put it down to that.

This time though my depression came completely out of the blue in the summer, which knocked me for 6 as I wasn't expecting it. So I don't know what's going on.

It was just embarrassing looking back, but at the time, I honestly thought the sun shined out my arse, so to be speak.

I also almost developed an eating disorder. I would write everything down what I was eating and wouldn't eat more than 500 calories a day. Then I caught tonsillitis and lost even more weight. That scared me tbh and I stopped with the crazy dieting after that.

I have had periods of doing the same over the years, shamefully. I don't want to live like this. And what makes it worse is that it's not me. I don't want to be like that.

Sorry, was meant to post this on the anxiety thread! Basically, I've had an inkling that I might be bipolar, but my psychiatrist on the first time of meeting me when I was suicidal, in th first half an hour said, well I don't think you're bipolar I didn't tell him all of this though. And also, how you can rule out a diagnoses of meeting someone for the first time, especially being presented with depression initially is anyone's guess.

Bippity - I was given Quetiapine to help with the voices and it has really helped me. I'm not sure if the GP would prescribe it or if they would want you to see a psych. But I would just go and be really honest about your struggles because you're definitely not getting the help you need right now.

I know. I've seen a psychiatrist twice, but I was in the mist of a massive depressive episode, I didn't know what was going on.

I mainly listen to music with my head phones in to distract myself and drink a shit ton of alcohol, which I know isn't helping, or I spend the majority of my day in bed. And then end up being up until 7 in the morning because I can't sleep. I have to be up at 5am on Monday for work and I know I won't be able to sleep.

I've mentioned to my partner that I think I should be in hospital, even just to get myself into a regular sleeping pattern and stop myself drinking myself into an early death, which seems a highly possibility right now.

Yeah I’m going to try that @UndertheCedartree, I can imagine how it might work.

Hope you’re both okay this weekend.

I've been given home leave this weekend and if it goes ok will hopefully continue. The ward has still been quite unsettled and we have a new patient coming on Tues so hope she's not too unsettled.

I went to walking football this week. We started with some drills which I was fine with but then when we started a match I just felt I didn't know what to do and I wasn't good enough. I just started shaking and crying. One of the support workers looked after me and at the end the coach said I did well. Why is everything so difficult?