Just need to say this aloud

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

If I could guarantee my kids wouldn't be harmed by it, I'd kill myself tomorrow. I'm perfectly safe because I know my DCs (8&5) would never recover from it. But I just feel so sad that I feel like this. Life feels like it's one long battle and I'm just so tired of it. I'm under MH services already and I have good days and bad days. But, I wish I could just stop.

You need to wish that you can find a way to carry on.
If you stop, you transfer all your pain, anguish and suffering to your children.
Fight for a way to live.
I wish you luck and love.

I hear you MyGast. Because even on the good days you know the bad days are just around the corner. I hear you.

Another one here who gets what you’re saying OP, the struggle is exhausting and soul-destroying and relentless, wish I had some words of wisdom but am feeling brain dead, just wanted to let you know that I feel every word you’re saying

I feel the same too. There seems to be a lot of us in the same boat.

Sorry to hear that others feel the same way. It's so hard to keep on keeping on isn't it?

Another here who can relate.

I hope things turn a corner for us all.

I told my dad this yesterday and he just replied 'that's life, everybody struggles'. I feel so sad that I reached out to him and got that back.

Same here, it’s a life long struggle
I hate it

The morning wake up anxiety, that’s so hard to deal with. Would love to be anxiety free
Just wish I could relax and enjoy things without the tension
No thoughts going round my head about bodily symptoms thats so hard to switch off

Struggling this weekend

I hear you OP and feel the same my dcs keep me here too. I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time, and that your dad wasn't helpful.

I don't know if it's just me, but there seem to be a lot more posters in this position? (Or maybe it's just on my radar more).

Really hoping everyone can get some relief from this dark place.

mygast how are you doing?

I'm hanging in there, same as usual. How's everyone else doing?

Much the same here, putting on the veneer of coping and falling apart inside xxx

Drinking....

I have just now been trying to google what benefits my Dh and daughter would be able to get if I weren't here anymore. I think it would be better if I weren't.

frozen I can totally guarantee your dd wouldn't be better off. It would make her more likely to experience mental illness.

Please talk to someone, anyone

colouring she wouldn't know. She's 11 months so wouldn't know any different

Of course she'd know. She'd know as soon as she was old enough to know and it would be the saddest and worst thing to ever happen to her.

If you feel like that, please, please seek help.

She would know when she’s older and she would miss you so much. You have as much right to be here and to be happy as anyone else. Your life is valuable even if you don’t know that now, things can and do change for the better. I really hope you can believe that. Look after yourself xx

Samaritans 116123. I've rung them before. They were kind and it helped

I texted the Samaritans before but it didn't help. It's hard for me to call. I can never tell people things out loud. Even when I had counselling it didn't help.

Is there anyone irl you can text? Or just keep posting

Nobody at all.

I don't really have any friends. Nobody would want to hear it anyway.

Dh is annoyed at me and is out at the cinema

Dd is sleeping next to me which is keeping me here.