Was at very very low yesterday, even rang mh social worker I’m going to see on Friday for assessment. Not very helpful at all, as I’m not under there services, just told me to distract myself and that’s what she would tell me if I was!
I pushed myself to shower get dressed and hair blown, but those suicidal don’t/can’t cope with this any longer was well at the forefront whatever I was doing.
Rang the Raid team up at the hospital who told me to see if I could get an urgent same day appointment . I rang Gp and explained and she got me in within hour.
DP actually said to me “ do you want me to come” I was gobsmacked
I’m having thoughts of not wanting to be here wtf.
I’ve told him depression is an illness, I’m not just fed up, having an off day. Would he be any different if I had cancer or heart attack
It’s still an illness. And a bloody horrendous one.
Anyway he came with me, Gp started off great (locum, not mine) until she said
“ I want you to promise me you will get this book,
The Power Of Postive Thinking By Norman Vincent Pearle
It will do you better than any medication, and come back and see me in 2 weeks. I’m frightened and suicidal
Turns out it’s a god book, she is obviously a big church person( dont want to offend anybody)
So she rang Raid at Hospital and told me to go they expecting me.
DP was not happy at this, we’d spent never 4 hrs there 6 weeks ago and got sent home saying they’d write to Gp.
So he never spoke all the way there, making me feel really shit
He needs his space!
Never got seen by Raid it was absolutely heaving in a&e people standing everywhere and me crying eyes out. I still had to go through triage(which I was told I didn’t) I managed an hour and c
I think sometimes he puts himself first, will carry on his life around me no matter what state I’m in.
Like today, me suicidal yesterday
He’s up and about, I get up and he Says wow that was a good sleep. Ugh I’d been awake since 6.50.
He then goes upstairs, on his ex bike, comes down and goes to shops
Not a “ how are you today”
Comes back from shopping and says his taking his car to garage is that ok? He’d already made appt so why ask, if I’d of said no I scared
It would of kicked off, because he wanted to do it.
It’s like he expects me to carry on, going out with him, cooking meals
Even last night son(30) said why are you even cooking mum
But he sat there on his phone, and just came in to do pressure cooker
As he thinks only he can cook this but leaves the rest to me and sits there till ready. Oh I’m just moaning ignore me
Another moan, he come in, takes shoes off then goes in garage get step ladders and goes to hedges in back garden f.... raining grass is wet to cut one strand that’s sticking up wtf. I’m depressed, he’s f... winding me up
He will walk through the house now, still in his wet
slippers footprints everywhere ahhhhh
How does your Husband/DP/wife live/act around you
Would love to know please, as I don’t know if it’s my thinking all wrong