Done

[NothingElse]

Have that complete empty feeling. Came home from work and I'm lying curled up on my bed. I don't intend to move. Can't eat. Barely slept for a while now. All I could think of at work was ways to end my life. I don't know if I can face the world tomorrow, or just stay here curled up until it's over or I crack.
Anyone else? I can't talk to anyone.

Hey, hugs. Don't end your life - you are worthwhile. It may not feel like it, but I promise it's true. It's very hard when you're in the position you're in to see things objectively, but I can tell you from the outside looking on, you are worthwhile and would be missed.

Have you been to your GP? They will have seen it all and then some, and can offer ways to help. I put off seeing mine for ages (anxiety) and I wish I hadn't. Medication really helped.

Oh, and I meant to also say - you won't always feel this way. When I was really ill, I couldn't even imagine how there could be any other way to feel. Now I'm improved, I can barely imagine how I felt back then.

What has made you feel this way?

You don't have to face the world . You can stay where you are for now. Nice and cost and safe in your bed. It's ok. You just have to breathe.

Talk to us..we are listening. Tell us what's wrong or talk about the weather. You managed today - you'll manage again.

It's hard
Still here, not planning on moving particularly until Tuesday
You can say it will pass, I don't believe that anymore, it's been maybe 15 yrs on and off it's never ending and that's with medication. It feels inevitable. I can see how that sounds from another perspective at least but I'm just done.

The silence reflects how I feel every day.
Maybe this is the wrong place to look for support. To be honest I'm just looking for someone to talk to to make it worth carrying on.

The silence is entirely because of the low number of people reading the mental health forum, nothing to do with your value as a person.

Have you tried speaking with the Samaritans or similar?

Bumping for you OP

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I find a reason everyday to carry on. Literally everyday wether that be my dp/dog/mum/there's a tv programme on about moths I want to see. I think about it all the time. I have been better and I have been a lot worse.

It seems like it's never going to get better, and do you know what? It's fucking exhausting. I take 3 different drugs for my mh and 4 for my back, these days I'm either high or asleep, I'm not really living at the moment.

Anyhoo I have rambled on for far too long, there is someone there who gets it, my tablets are kicking in, at least put it off until tomorrow, and call someone in the morning the Samaritans, or a friend or anyone to have a chat.

Xx

NothingElse I’ve name changed to reply to you but I’ve been on here a fair bit over the past year or so.

I’m not going to tell you it will pass - but it won’t always be as bad as it is right now. It may get bad again in the future but each time things get bad and you overcome it, you build a little more strength. It doesn’t feel like it at the time but you do.

My mental health has been a problem for as long as I can remember. I’ve treated myself very badly for many years. Twice I have been ready to end my life and at the last moment something has stopped me. I have once again increased my medication this month. I’ve tried to stop taking it a few times - last time I ended up in a and e. I accept that I need it to cope so I take it.

I don’t have any answers but I do understand. Please look after yourself and see your doctor/ phone the home treatment team xx

I have felt suicidal more than once. I have never regretted choosing to live. Please give yourself some time. Hibernate, regroup, keep breathing. Don’t make any decisions right now x

How are you doing op?

Can you remember a time that you felt happy ? A situation, a place, a person or even a view you saw on a holiday or day trip. Perhaps you can take yourself back to their in your mind for a moment of two. Listen to some gentle music anything that will take you mind away from now. I don't have to take medication but ( for me ) it helps. Even getting out for a brief walk.

What does/has made you happy op? I for many years believed I would die ending my own life(didn't because of kids),now I thoroughly enjoy life and can't believe I don't feel that way anymore.

I've just seen this and I hope you're ok

I understand that, I really do. I have borderline bi-polar type 2. So I get a few manic episodes, but mainly deep, dark, black, feels like there's a weight on you stopping you from moving. You feel like you've got no purpose, no role in life, just empty and a burden to everyone. But you're not, you got through the night and you are getting through the day. That takes so much courage and bravery. So fantastic.

When I was deep in the black with the black dog I watched Archer on Netflix for nearly 3 weeks straight, I wasn't paying attention to it, but it was familiar. Have you got any shows like that, that you can just have on as background noise?

Also and it sounds cheesy as fuck write it down.

Also I have a build a bear wookie that does not leave my side.

Thank you again. I've no right to expect people to reply and you have no responsibility to do so but seeing a message does help keep me going.
I can't think of anything that makes or made me happy, I don't do anything like that it's just not part of my life.
I get that though. I watch the same series over and over (I'm going through probably the third time) and dissociate to a different world pretty much all the time I'm not at work.
Today I have to write some assignments so I can't be elsewhere. But I can't make myself care. It's hard, and I've not written anything yet. My tutors and everyone think everything's hunky dory. I imagine they know I'm odd, but that's all.
It's painful, actually painful, to try and stay in the here and now and concentrate on this work.
I plan to put on loud music to drown out the loud thoughts and write something so I can get back to my nothingness.

Hey op how are you today?

Holding on. Made it to work and back. Hour by hour and many cigarettes.

At least you done it Its not easy doing things,when your feeling shit!

I want you to know how strong you are being and how amazing that is. You have shown your strength by posting on here. I want you to know you're not alone, all our thoughts are being sent out to you and that you are on our minds. I am so glad to hear that you made it to work today. I hope that something has lifted you, I hope that that something will continue to lift you. Remember, you are here, worthy of this gift of life. You can bring something wonderful from yourself through your insight. I hope you are ok tonight, OP. Big hug.

You are incredibly strong and an inspiration to others in keeping going when things are so tough. Did you manage to write some of your assignments? Don't worry about whether people might think you're a bit odd. People like a little bit of odd. So much more interesting. I think so anyway. Is there anything creative you might enjoy doing. Sometimes it's very therapeutic to make something but I understand if you're not feeling up to that. I hope you've had chance to talk to the samaritans or someone. I've always found counsellors are people who do understand because they've often had difficulties themselves. I can only say again I think you're doing brilliantly.

Hi I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful and that’s it’s been going on so many years. I can see how you’d feel like giving up. It does get to that stage, doesn’t it.....are you studying somewhere? Is the college able to help you with support - like counselling? I tried for about the same amount of time as you to find help and I had a couple of counsellors who really helped (and a couple that didn’t). One still is. You GP may also be able to pointyou in the direction for some help. How are you feeling today?

You're all being so kind.
Not ok,

Sending hugs - I know it doesn't mean much. Just wanting to reach out. Likely to fall asleep but thinking of you x