Done

[NothingElse]

Have that complete empty feeling. Came home from work and I'm lying curled up on my bed. I don't intend to move. Can't eat. Barely slept for a while now. All I could think of at work was ways to end my life. I don't know if I can face the world tomorrow, or just stay here curled up until it's over or I crack.
Anyone else? I can't talk to anyone.

There’s lots of ppl u can reach out 2

Samaritans Even have a tx number so you don’t have to speak

Doctors, nurses, hr department, the church

Don't be ashamed. You are reaching out on here. Now to do it in RL. GP. Crisis team?

There are real people here who care about you. Don’t feel ashamed.

You are being so brave posting on here. I have been exactly where you are now, you are not alone, there may not seem anyone to reach out too, but please try your hardest, because there always is. Sending love x

NothingElse I can relate to how you feel, you feel isolated maybe in that you have no one around, so you wonder if anyone would really notice if you weren't there. You also feel a pain that you can't think how to resolve, that pain could be a situation or something else.

You are really valued as a person. I think it's important to remember that people don't often visit the MH Boards. You have people who are telling you how they cope, I was told by a psych that suicidal ideation is often when we don't feel in control of our lives, it's the one way to get back control.

Do you have a hobby or something you enjoy doing that could connect you to others? Do you want people in your life? Or do you feel let down by those who are absent?

I'll keep popping back.

Hi NothingElse,

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this. We wanted to share Mind's information on self-harm with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the link above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.

First step done to book an appointment with gp - I may have neglected going for some time and moved so it's a little more complicated than usual.

Today didn't even feel real..

Excellent. So glad you’ve done this.

It’s ok that today didn’t feel real - but I’m sorry that things are so difficult at the moment.

That's a great first step.

Good to heardid you get round to making the appointment?

Have to take in id again first. Then see how long for appointment

Can you tell them it's important? Just don't want you getting lost in the system. Bring Id and ask can you make an appointment whilst your there?

You're important - I'm listening- I care, I really do - how are you tonight?

It's not important.
Struggling with how much to tell dr when I see them. Won't get there until Monday now with ID, so it's a way off.

Just checking in to say hi...and bloody well done for taking the steps to see a GP. I know it takes a tremendous amount of energy and huge will power to do anything when you feel so awful. I think you should tell your GP exactly how you feel.They can only help you when they know what's really going on.Monday will soon come round and then you can start getting the support you deserve. Sending you lots of love .Stay strong.x

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you too, and sending you guys and good thoughts.

I'm so sorry that should say hugs! Autocorrect.. .

Hi NothingElse. I saw this thread a few days ago, but other people were already talking to you and I thought having me join in wouldn't make any difference to anyone. I have not been in your situation. But you just answered my thread, so I just wanted to let you know that I have seen yours and am really sorry that you are feeling this way.

You are important, and very brave for deciding to go and see a GP. You certainly managed, in just a few sentences, to give people here some idea of how bleak things seem to you right now, so I hope you can do the same at your appointment. You deserve help and I hope you find it soon. I'm going to be thinking about you.

Be honest with the GP. Don't minimise or you may not be offered the right help. I have been known to make notes to read from as I find medical appointments hard.

Thank you all, I am reading every word and it means a lot.
I haven't moved since work, it's like physical pain and I have to try to wrench myself back to reality to stop staring into space and inhabiting this other reality. I nearly let someone down today, almost just ran away home instead of doing my job. Because I'm finding it so hard to be present and be around people and people are my job. I don't think they would understand. In my experience people expect there to be something that happened and that's why I'm sad... but it's not that simple. Not that nothing has ever happened, but I can't attribute what's happening now to one event. It's not black and white. I don't even understand it.
Having dark dark thoughts.
I don't cry though so I can't be that sad.

Sometime. Just sometimes it's worse not to cry.
There doesn't need to be a reason.
Some days I want to hide away from people.
But this can get better.

That terrible, tearless numb emptiness is much harder to bear than sadness.
Next step the gp. This too shall pass. As the Beckett quote goes; "I can't go on. I'll go on".