Done

[NothingElse]

Have that complete empty feeling. Came home from work and I'm lying curled up on my bed. I don't intend to move. Can't eat. Barely slept for a while now. All I could think of at work was ways to end my life. I don't know if I can face the world tomorrow, or just stay here curled up until it's over or I crack.
Anyone else? I can't talk to anyone.

I know you mean well.....

Just read this thread. I hope you’re able to get some rest? Is there really no one at all you can turn to? I do know it’s a very lonely illness and family and friends often don’t understand. Please take care and it can get better.

How are things today nothing else?

Hi NothingElse, in case you check in here. Just to say I've been there, I was there often when younger. Probably last in my early thirties, actually. (I've got a lot better, since.)

Sorry to hear you're feeling rough. How's it going today?

If there's anything I can do to help, do shout. x

Thank you for your words. Not ok, really. Have started hurting myself again and feel quite weird about it.
No, really have no one. No close or true friends and family I really question. I've been thinking about it recently, about why I feel I'm not worthy of support or help. I think it stems back to my mum knowing I was self harming and not well when I was a teenager and doing nothing about it, not even trying to talk to me about it. And then when I opened up to my parents slightly when I was under the CMHT aged 20, again no help or support at all. If I spoke to them about it they would blame it all on me again, I can go through conversations in my head and know what they'll say, I can guarantee it will all come down to me being difficult or whatever, but really I've been desperate for someone to give a shit for most of my life.

Have you sought RL help? I’m sorry your parents didn’t help and support you. They may act like they don’t give a shit but you need to give a shit about yourself and try and get help to help you.
If that even makes sense.

I think it would be really helpful to talk this through with someone, NothingElse. I'm sorry about your parents, sometimes what one needs is a third party - it's natural to want to turn to family, but won't always, unfortunately, be the best option.

If you've found the CMHT helpful in the past, maybe worth trying that again?

I give a shit, and so do the other posters on this thread, if that helps. :)

What I found helpful in the past was my excellent GP. But that was in a different part of the country and GPs just don't seem to have the resources to be like that anymore. I don't want to go if I have to see a different dr each time which is what happens here, and there's no follow up, just here's your prescription and go. There wasn't even advice on how to get the prescription repeated or if I had to go back.. so i gave up.
I just feel odd because I feel like I've lost control a bit.
To be clear, I don't really think my family are the right people either, but it still hurts when you're a child basically and your own mother knows you're in distress and ignores it. It makes you question your worth and your place in the world. I'm sure many people on this board in particular get that.
I'll muddle through, maybe I'll get the courage to ask for help at some point. I'm pretty sceptical of the help available even if I did and it all makes me feel very vulnerable.

A GP can refer you on. If you don’t know how to get a repeat prescription then just ask.

There are people who can help, OP, but you have to make the call, book the appointment.

It's clear you've been hurt, and need to talk to someone about it. Please do screw your courage to the sticking place - I think even making that first move can be a powerful message to your subconscious. Because although people can and will help you, the change will come from you, and you only.

There are ways through, lots of them. Not easy, but so worth it, I promise. Take heart. x

Hi again op, I posted on your thread a few months back. How have you been doing?

Dark nights are a tough one aren't they?
One the one hand I think they're nice and cosy and the other hand thinks they're depressing as night comes too soon and as I have such trouble sleeping ( chronic insomnia ) I struggle so much.

Thinking of you, would it be ok to ask where abouts (roughly) you're from?

Hi OP, sorry life is a struggle for you right now, if your parents didn't do a good job in your childhood it can make life as an adult really tough. Just in case you aren't aware, you can self refer for CBT which is very helpful for many people.