Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi #2

[Fairydust26]

Hi everyone this is part 2 as the original thread is full up! But as the title says this thread is support for all that are struggling and could do with a handhold and a chit chat so come and say hello😊.

Dh has worked with teens and the boys were really drawn to him, esspesally those without any other strong male role models. My brother had a male teacher in year five and idolised him and his behaviour improved so much (he does have 3 big sisters and my dad often travelled with work). When I worked in the nursery they invited parents to come in early and read and even 3 year olds were drawn to the dads as a novelty.

Does anyone else on here excersise or run? I think I have a weak pelvic floor muscle.
The amount of times I nearly wet myself today in Boot camp is . The session was only 45mins. Running, jumping and skipping were the worst for me. Even with me holding in my core. Is anyone else like this or am I just getting old. I'm not ready to be old.

Ps I know there's no used doing Boot camp if I sit down and eat six biscuits and a sugar laden yogurt. Then again....

Hi - I'm new here and haven't posted on the MH boards before. I posted the below in a separate thread but I'm worried nobody will reply :( I'm so down and I don't know what to do so here for a bit of a handhold and some advice really if anyone can offer any....TIA

Driving OCD/Anxiety??

Does anyone else suffer from this?

I passed my test a few months ago now and really struggling with the above. I've self referred for CBT, but as I'm pregnant they won't see me until after I've had the baby due to the intensive nature of the therapy.

I've suffered with GAD for as long as I can remember too. Again currently not medicated due to being pregnant.

I've been in bits the last 24 hours over a parking 'incident' (which wasn't even an incident!). Was in a tight parking space at the supermarket and even though I manouvered out fine since then I've been panicking that MAYBE I touched one of the other cars around me. I can't let the feeling go even though I felt, heard and saw no impact. I have rear parking sensors on my car and they didn't alert that I was too close to anything behind me. It's only after the event I start to panic and the 'what ifs' start to creep in. Since then I've obsessively checked my car for damage (of course there is none), got DH to check too and even considered ringing the supermarket to see if they can get CCTV footage to reassure me. Writing this all down makes me sound so ridiculous I know. Anxiety is a bitch and I hate it so so much it controls my life. I'm worried now that if something did happen and I get reported I'll get a letter through from the police or a phonecall and there's a constant dread in the pit of my stomach. It makes me feel so sick and stops me sleeping.

I was pretty much on top of my anxiety until we had an issue with our neighbours (won't go into detail) and it's safe to say now I'm walking on eggshells in my own home. That's the only thing I can pinpoint that's triggered it this time, but the driving thing is really winding me up. I didn't spend all that effort and money passing my test and buying a car to be too frightened to drive the damn thing. That's ultimately where this is going if I can't get myself sorted.

Anyone have any advice?

I should probably add aswell so as not to drip feed...I was involved in a minor bump shortly after passing my test when another car rolled into the back of me whilst I was stationary at traffic lights then drove off. Even though that wasn't my fault, I still blamed myself as a new driver and it put me massively on edge. Reported it to the police and my insurance, but didn't get the other cars reg and there was only a tiny scratch on my rear bumper so haven't made a claim etc.

NCABadger

I don't think anyone here will call you stupid - we have ALL experienced things that would seem like complete nonsense to many people.

My own anxiety hasn't really taken a severe OCD form (which is what this sounds like) but when I feel myself heading that way I have a silly phrase which helps which is "I can't control what my mind says but I can control my arms and legs". So I guess in your situation I be thinking "I can't control what my mind is saying but I can make sure I drive carefully, check my mirrors, go at a sensible speed so that I can correct a mistake before an accident happens." And similarly with the supermarket "I can't stop my brain telling me to ring the supermarket but I can stop my hand getting my phone out and dialling the number". I never try and force the thoughts away - that only seems to make them worse -but I remind myself I don't have to obey them.

Of course, a good therapist (once you've had your baby - congratulations) will be able to help you better so definitely attend the appointments when they come - I actually found the CBT treatment I had pretty useful. Good luck.

Hi,

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this but I wondered if I could get some advice on something I'm going through, as every doctor has just fobbed me off. I have never suffered with bad anxiety previously (have had a couple of panic attacks in the past) but I have a 7 month old son and broke up with his dad when he was 6 weeks old. His dad was very emotionally abusive, controlling me, constantly belittling my appreance and generally making me out to be a horrible person. So that alone made me feel like poo but ever since one particular episode I have been suffering with what I feel like is anxiety.
I take medication for epilepsy but changed medication and hadn't disposed of the old tablets, my son got thrush and a skin infection in his neck folds. When I told his dad I got called a child abuser, was told I can't be trusted to give my son his medication when I can't take my own properly, I shouldn't be looking after him because I'm a danger to him, he's not safe with me, I shouldn't be a mother and so forth. Ever since that conversation about 5 months ago I have been waking up every night without fail with a racing heart, can't breath feeling really hot and panicking that I haven't given my son his medication (He doesn't take any any more). I'm not asking for advice on his dad rather than asking is this anxiety im suffering with? I always feel so panicky and stressed that I'm forgetting something or doing something wrong, can hardly concentrate and feel in a perpetual state of worry. The only thing I can think of is that it all started after the child abuser conversation.

Sorry if this is the wrong place, thank you for reading x

That definitely sounds like anxiety and you should certainly be looking at the sources of help available.

First stop is your GP. DO NOT think you are wasting his/her time. You can discuss options re CBT help, medication etc.

If you really feel unable to see your GP the No Panic helpline is very good and their volunteers incredibly sympathetic and helpful.

www.nopanic.org.uk/contact-us/

There is no instant cure (oh, if only!!) but plenty of people who can and will help you.

HPFA thank you for that information, I've always held back from going to the GP because I'm afraid there will be some kind of consequence . I have the motivation to seek that help though, not just for myself but so I can be a better mother to my son

Someonehelp mi

Should have said - you can self refer for help as well - so try this if you would prefer not to see GP.

beta.nhs.uk/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

Main disadvantage is - you won't get seen immediately and they wouldn't be able to prescribe medication. But the people I spoke to were very good - I think I saw someone first and then it was via the phone. I wasn't sure about it but it's surprisingly nice to have someone who is being paid just to help YOU - you don't have to worry that they'll get upset or bored or angry. So definitely worth trying.

I think the motivation is key - you do see on forums people asking for help and then saying to every suggestion "that won't work!!" When I was at my worst I just tried everything that people suggested and then kept the bits that helped. Best wishes to you.

Hello hpfa! I have a newborn and my anxiety peaked in my second trimester. The obstiatrican prescribed me cetralapram imeadiatly which I didn't take. I did online cbt until I was referred to a psychiatrist who prescribed me low dose quetiapine which has worked really well for me, midwifes reassured me lots of pregnant women are being prescribed low quetiapine. It's a new medication but all the research coming out is positive. It was difficult in the first few weeks with a newborn as I got extremely sleep deprived and taking quetiapine once a day in busy hospital ward by the nurses station while trying to feed every 3 hours got me paranoid. My meds were sorted out back home and I'm all well now. I did find cbt useful too, don't understand why pregnancy is a reason not to do it, I had more time on my hand to learn it than I do now. A mental health midwife did tell me that cbt can make things worse when you've got a lot going on. I've been driving for 10 years and when I was pregnant I felt like I was newly qualified and got stress migraines driving so had to walk to work before I was signed off sick for mental health reasons. Did you know pregnancy related sick leave doesn't go on your record.
Iblink I used to run before I was pregnant and found it so positive for my mental health. I picked running up again as soon as I came off olanzipane (which made me feel shit and had no motivation) so hard to know how much was running and how much was no olanzipane.
Pilates is supposed to be good for pelvic floor, fortunately I still have a strong bladder after childbirth but I bought a pilates dvd I've not got round to doing.

Sorry, that's for nca badger. I got confused.

Haven't read the new comments yet sorry in a rush but I need to off load quickly.
DS GF is sending horrible messages again. I've had a busy week this week with work and college. I have missed a few messages from people as I'm so wiped in the evening. Apparently one from her. She text me yesterday talking about ignoring her. I texted back and explained.
Woke up this morning to a long horrible message from her. I didn't even read it all.
Unfortunately I am tired so I replied and I basically told her to grow up and get a life and she has no manners. I just got so sick of tip toeing around her. Now though my heart is going and I doubt I will eat much today.

Good for you iblink, standing up for yourself.

Hello everyone this is @NotAnotherNoughtiesTune name changed.

I've not been too bad recently with the odd flair ups.

Have a nasty ear infection now though so in a lot of pain.
@Someonehelpmi I'm sorry you're going through this. After I had both mine my anxiety was very peaked. I ended up co-sleeping as one had silent reflux and feared I wouldn't hear her choking. With both of them I kept having fearful thoughts they'd fall off/down something, swallow something etc. I think around the 1 year mark is became less intense but in the meantime I upped my AD dose.

@Iblinkedandiamold I'm glad you said so. She needs to know her behaviour is petty. Your son really should tell her to stop. If it carries on just text her and say 'any messages with a petty/nasty tone from now on will not be answered' so she's aware if she's rude you will not respond. How old is she again?

@TheBeatGoesOnAndOn she is 19.
I've blocked her number for now until she calms down. I may just leave it blocked.

Someonehelpmi. I am so sorry you are going through that. It's really hard being a single mum let alone putting up with that shit.
Go back to the GP and say exactly what you've said here. Make them listen to you.

Think my DS has taken his GF side. I sent him a message yesterday asking how his week went. It hasn't delivered. I think he's blocked me. I am wondered if I did something horribly wrong. Have I been an awful mother to him lately and not realised it.
I slept 2 and half hours last night according to my fitbit.
My heart is breaking. Maybe it's time to let go.
I don't want to think I don't care though because that's the poison she's dripping in his ear. He is 19 though so maybe I should just pull back leave him be. I am so worried I'll never see him again. We were so close. I am so hurt. I have obviously been a horrible unsupported mother where I thought I giving him the space he wanted. Now he feels I don't love him when I'd die for him.

I think I need to go out and clear my head. I am in a very dark place.

The beat goes on. My does has been increased after birth, my mh team wanted me to increase before birth to be a bit more stable but I was taking it slowly then dd was born 4 weeks early. first night home dh topped dd off with a bottle after bf then lay her in her travel cot and she was sick and I rolled her and that set me off I had a terrible night and had lots of visitors the following day meeting new, midwives, perinatal clinicians etc. I hate big meetings anyway but that was a tough one, I felt vacant, they talked about a mother and baby unit and asked if I've ever had thoughts that my baby was a demon. I hadn't but was in a very suggestible state of mind so now a few months later I think that was not a good thing to ask. I had multiple full psychiatric assessments in my first week with baby, all said I was doing OK in a difficult situation but I hated them. I cosleep unintentionaly for a few hours as I fall asleep feeding. I set it up so its safe but I wake up rolling onto my babies arm. I feel she's much safer in her cot but sleep better when she's closer.

HPFA and Embrace

Thanks for your replies....not that would want anyone else to feel like this, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I have tried talking to DH about how much I'm struggling...not just with driving, but with my anxiety in general and he just sighs and rolls his eyes at me. Says it's all hormones, but I know it's not just being pregnant causing this 😢.

I went out for a longer trip in the car yesterday and it really wasn't enjoyable. Lots of country roads with cyclists and when you have OCD overtaking cyclists is awful as even though I know rationally I passed all of them safely, it doesn't stop the obsessive worrying that I may have done something wrong when I get to my destination. I have to force myself to go out at least every other day, as I feel guilty having a new car sat outside which cost a lot of money for us to buy and insure not to drive it! I need to go and fill up with diesel and I have a midwife appt tomorrow so I must keep going! I just hate the constant sick feeling I have in my stomach.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I should be focussing on baby coming, but I'm just so stressed and worried, don't feel prepared and everything is just a mess. My eldest child has a sickness bug so I'm looking after her today as she can't be at school and I'm on pins waiting for the 1 year old to start throwing up. Just can't catch a break.

I've not been totally honest with mw so far how I'm feeling as I'm quite good at laughing and joking and putting a brave face on. I have an irrational fear that if I let slip I'm struggling I'll be judged and my kids will be at risk of being taken away from me. I say this because the issue I had with my neighbours (sorry to drip feed), was that they reported DH and I to social services. To cut a very long story short our 4 year old has ADHD and as a result often has horrendous screaming tantrums. In addition my 1 year old has sleep problems and wakes frequently during the night and is up at between 4-5 in the morning despite the best will in the world and us trying every trick in the book. Even HV is baffled. He cries a lot during the night when he wakes. Next door accused us of neglecting our children as they claim they are always screaming and crying and we don't tend to them (which is just bloody ridiculous as they run us ragged and we are up all hours, to the point where sleep deprivation has sent us to breaking point relationship wise). When I found out what had happened I got a really frightening letter through the door and I could not stop crying. The kids are our world and we do everything in our power as any good parents would to see that they are happy and cared for so the accusation totally broke me 💔 Thankfully social services and HV were fantastic and realised as soon as they came round and spoke to us and saw our children and our home that there was nothing to be concerned about. They offered us advice on DDs behaviour and DSs sleep etc. They said unfortunately things like this happen a lot with disgruntled neighbours, but they have a duty to investigate all reports etc. which I totally understand.

Sorry to ramble on it's just things haven't been the same since then, but struggle on we must! I'm sure I'll have time at some point to read everyone's updates and get to know everyone on here a bit better.

Take care all X

NCABadger

That sounds a really horrible experience - no wonder you're anxious. I had a neighbour come round once at midnight convinced she was hearing strange sounds and was clearly worried that I was being beaten up - at the time I was in bed and my partner was watching TV so I've no idea what she thought she'd heard.

It sounds like you could really use some real-life support though. Honestly I think professionals are more worried about the people who don't talk about their feelings than those who do. Remember what you said about the social services and HV - that they were fantastic and genuinely tried to help. They saw a great parent and your midwife will too.

I remember when DD was born and wasn't putting on any weight - I was breastfeeding and she refused to take any bottles. I was convinced that the HV thought I was some mad eco-mother who was going to starve my baby to maintain my principles. So when she offered to come round and try and give DD a bottle I practically yelled "PLEASE DO". And she couldn't get her to take a bottle either. We're all convinced that these professionals are looking for any excuse to criticise us - but they really aren't.

Nca badger sounds tough. I was so worried about babies sleeping as I've heard so many stories like your 1year old but I've been blessed with a good sleeper for my first child. For now anyway. (fingers crossed)

I have quite bad anxiety. It all really came to the forefront at the end of last year when I realised I couldn't keep a lid on it anymore. Long story short, I ended up with the crisis team for the best part of two months. The last time they saw me was just over a week ago and hopefully starting cbt soon in the next couple of weeks. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this Friday, who I've seen a couple of times before, but I have no idea what this meeting will be about, which is sending my mind racing.

I'm currently taking sertraline after having a bad experience with mirtazapine. It got so bad I was signed off work for a few weeks and couldn't leave the house on my own. As soon as I came off it, it felt like a fog had been lifted, but my anxiety is still there. Not as bad as it was though.

I know part of the reason why it started. Mainly having two major life events in a short space of time (my dm dying suddenly and falling pregnant in the same year) but this was 3 years ago and I just haven't felt the same since.

My DS is cutting me out of his life. All day we've been texting back and forth. He's been rude and hurtful but to be honest I don't actually want any contact with either of them. I just start to feel to normal and wham, one of them texts me and I am a mess again. They are adults now so I've done my part.
Apparently I never supported the relationship. Not true at all but whatever, I am a horrible mum. I will take it on the chin and move on.
Thank God I had boot camp. I worked out of lot of my feelings. Going to take a sleeping pill now to help me sleep.

Iblinkedandiamold sorry to hear the updates about your son hopefully he’ll see sense soon and ditch her she sounds right a right piece of work!. Been struggling a little these past few days which i know will soon pass as it always does but thinking I may have to up my dose but I really don’t want to😩, how’s everyone else doing?.

Thanks Fairy. I'm not really as upset as I thought I would be. Either I'm in denile, the tablets are amazing or I'm just relieved. The last year has been shit. I am a little relieved that there will be no more messages. Even though he said the GF was out I know it was her sending them. My son isn't that good with words. He would never send a long message with near perfect spelling telling me he doesn't want me around them. It didn't sound like the thoughtful boy I know. The one would wouldn't want to hurt anyone.
Are you okay Fairy?

Today actually turned out to be a good day have been pretty preoccupied so haven’t had time to sit and stew over things which I’m glad about!. Iblinkedandiamold how’s your day been?