Just want to end it all

[BabyJaneLives123]

I have been on this site now for some time and feel that it is ok for me to share thoughts and feelings. For a long time now I have been feeling really low and had been working in what I can only describe as a horrible place with a toxic workmate, who at times had me feeling like I was going out of my mind. I hated working with the person who constantly undermined me at every given moment and made herself look like a great employee.

I thought I had got out of this horrible situation when I managed to get myself a new job. The whole package was going to be so different but the pressures of learning their system very quickly was very overwhelming and my confidence, being at such a low level as it was, took an even bigger hammering.. The travelling was exhausting and all of this made it impossible for me to stay there, so I left. I now feel like a total failure and a big disappointment to my son. (He is 19)This happened last week and I told family and friends, I have only heard back (by text message) from one friend of mine to ask how I was. I feel I have disappointed them as well.

I dont know what to do. I have never been unemployed. I have to see my GP on Thursday. I spoke to someone yesterday who told me that she may be able to help me look for something through the agency she works for. I am 50 and already think time is running out for me anyway. I just feel like people WOULD be better off without me dragging them down. I feel positive for all of 2 minutes when I am trying to do something for myself and then the feeling disappears.I love my son so much and dont want to leave him in this shitty world on is own but i really cannot cope anymore.....

Hi ladies, just catching up on the thread. Hope everyone is doing ok.

BabyJane I saw the woman who wrote that doing a TV interview. Nice story.

I'm trying to read Northanger Abbey by Val McDermid but I am basically blind in one eye at the moment so it's taking me longer than normal! I'm waiting to see a specialist to hopefully get it sorted.

Get someone to read it to you Janejeffer... :-) Or get it on Audiobook..

Today must be the day for eye problems. My son's contact lenses were giving him bother today before he went to work and the leg from his specs was broken. Needless to say he went to work looking like Jack Duckworth (I had to tell him who Jack Duckworth was so when he received the wisecracks at least he knew who they were talking about). Yes people.....I sent my son out to work today with a plaster around the corner of his specs because it was the only way I could get the leg to stay on. He came home earlier and said a couple of people liked his "Jack Duckworth glasses"...LOL!!
And I cant find my reading glasses anywhere, so its off to Watt Brothers tomorrow to get me a new pair (They've got some gorgeous reading glasses for £2.99!! - Total bargain!!). Hope your eye gets sorted soon!!
Anyway, off to check my Lotto Numbers. (You'll know if I win - my next post will be TYPED IN CAPITALS!!!).
Night all!!! XXXXXXX

Well @BabyJaneLives123 , who would have thought it possible?? @Gingermuffin too, the book I'm reading is The Note!! I take my son to the library twice a week and sometimes I picked up books for myself as a way to escape reality. I'm still not dealing with my issues. I prefer to spend good times with ds. Today movie, park, feeding ducks and pigeons, exchange his faulty cd player so he can play cat in the hat reading along. Then he had a fit because I ate the last 2 scones...eventually win him over with muffins. Life's so easy at 5 years old.

Wow!! What a coincidence Pho2Mum...What part are you at? Totally loved it. (Bit slushy in places but I like a feel-good book now and then). I'm into all things Tudor at the moment. Anything to do with Henry VIII and all those wives. They only had to look at that old git the wrong way and they were beheaded... (And we think WE'VE got problems..LOL!!).

Nice to hear you had a good day. Movie, Park, feeding the ducks sounds like the perfect afternoon to me. Hope you have many more like that!! The weather is starting to change again too and that brilliant sunshine makes all the difference as well!!

They say "The only thing to fear is fear itself"....so maybe if you did meet your issues head on, you might find its not as scary as you may have thought. Sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual thing..

My son has gone out with his 2 best mates tonight. One of them is celebrating his 19 birthday so I will be up until he comes home. Even if I do go to bed, I wont sleep until I know he is in safe and sound. What was that you were saying about 5 year olds?. Seems like yesterday mine was 5....Miss those days too so make the most...

Speak soon.

As always, big hugs to The Clan...XXXX

Ladies......dont know if you will be able to help me with this but I've got this job interview on Tuesday morning and I was asked to bring certain ID documents to the interview. I have got my wageslip with my NI Number, I have got 2 utility bills with my name and address on. I was asked to bring either my ORIGINAL Birth Certificate OR my Passport. Now, I dont have my original Birth Certificate and no-one seems to know where it is but an Extract/Copy is not acceptable. Fair enough!!

My passport (and this is really worrying me.??), is 2 years out of date. I have not been going on holiday and the cost of renewing a passport is really quite expensive but speaking to someone this afternoon they told me that I would not be offered a job (might not even get as far as the interview apparently) as my passport will be classed as invalid. (It did not say in the Spec that I needed an "up to date passport", just a "passport" - I should have the sense to know though that they would be looking for an up to date passport).

I'm already feeling like I'm wasting my time now and wish I had never met this person today or I would have been none the wiser. I,ve never heard of this before??. Even if they offered me a job then obviously I would get it updated but it is too late for me to do this now?? Any suggestions greatly appreciated!!

(Just when I thought things were looking up!!).

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So what about those who don't have passports? They never get jobs? I think what you need is a piece of id with both your name and your picture on it..like a driving licence. Have a good day on Tuesday. Enjoy the process. Is it the Boots job?
I just started on the book. Read two pages and fell asleep the other day. And yes I want to be able to live and enjoy life with my son giving him everything he needs to become a good person. But someone else is too selfish and take advantage of us like we are his cashcows. It's disgusting how he neglects his own child. I feel sick to the stomach everyday. Most of the time I duck my head in the sand and keep on going. Don't know what else to do.
I think you should not worry too much about the passport really.

I know, I've never been asked for a passport for any interview. They have sent me a confirmation e-mail this morning and there is a telephone number at the bottom of it if I have any enquiries. I'm not sure if I should phone them (only for them to tell me that I dont need to go because of my passport) or if I should just go and play dumb. But if they tell me to my face, its going to feel really embarrassing after having made all that effort to go in the first place.

This job is more of a call centre type place, dealing with people's complaints and enquiries on certain things and there is an element of paperwork as well. The boots job..?, the one I spent over an hour doing the online application..?...they sent me an e-mail and told me I was not qualified for this position. How demeaning. 51 years of age, have worn make up all my life and have actually shown friends how to apply make-up properly, got loads of wee tricks up my sleeve, but apparently I wouldnt be able to work behind their No 7 Make-Up counter for 16 hours a week (basically selling foundation and lip-stick - lets face it thats what it boils down to) - because I'm not qualified enough!!....

Let your "someone else" get on with his life and you concentrate on you and your son...you dont need anyone else. He will feel the effects later in life when his son doesnt want to know him if he has never been there for him in the early days...Mark my words....I know!!

Enjoy your book. I'm going for my walk now and then I will decide what to do about this passport thing when I come home. It is worrying me though. I should be looking forward to this interview but instead I'm dreading it because of this...

Take care. Speak soon... XXXXXXX

Hi,
I was asked to take my passport as proof that I was eligible to work in this country and then they didn’t even ask to look at it when I took it to the interview last week, which I have just heard back from and I didn’t get the job ☹️. I personally don’t think it will matter that it’s not in date but I’m getting everything wrong lately! Seems like I’ve got the wrong end of the stick in The Archers too and it’s not self-harming that caused the sepsis (thank god!).
I’ve started The Note, it seems quite good.
Wishing you lots and lots of luck for tomorrow xx

Ahh!! Amuseme thats crap!!

As long as you know you did your best you cant question your performance. It maybe just wasnt the right fit for you (and not the other way around).. I'll keep my fingers crossed that something comes up for you soon!! At least you did get an interview so that's something. Your application obviously attracts attention, remember that!! And it will grab someone else's attention too!!

I applied for 2 positions online last week (Boots - 16 hours, selling make-up behind a make up counter and I was told on Saturday morning by e-mail that I wasnt experienced enough - although I just happened to mention that I was a Customer Services Manager in Tesco for 15 years..how much more bloody experience did they want) and today I have just received an e-mail saying I was unsuitable to work part-time in a smelly pet shop!!..Urgh!! Didnt even want the job!

You would tell me to "keep my chin up and just keep looking" so thats my advice to you today. I'm not even looking forward to tomorrow and I know I should be. The idea of sitting in an office Monday to Friday 9am to 5.30pm just doesnt appeal to me now. I've got that I enjoy my walks in the fresh air and doing things when and how I like that the thought of going back to work is depressing me. A few weeks ago I couldnt handle the thought of not working and now I dont want to. How mad is that!! Get on line and see if you can apply for anything else. People say, as long as you keep looking and making yourself available then you will get something. I have got to cling onto that now too - or else what is there??

Keep in touch and let me know how things go with you. I,ve tried e-mailing this mob and phoning their telephone number about this passport thing and getting nowhere. If I dont hear from them I'll just turn up tomorrow and play dumb!! (It did say to provide a "passport" - it didnt say provide an "up to date/valid passport".??).

Keep smiling Mrs!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

OMG!!! Three-hour long interview tomorrow.

Don't know how I,m going to get through this!! Wish it was this time tomorrow night!!!

Dreading it!!!..... :-(

How was your interview? Why is so long? Sounds like you are not too keen on this job! I hope you find the outcome you expected.

Hi Pho2Mum..
How are you today?? OK I hope??
I went for the interview and to be honest I felt really out of place. For the fact that I was there for 3 hours, it didnt actually feel that long!! There were 10 of us and I looked like the oldest person there ( in fact I think I was the oldest person there). The other 9 people all were really young...I dont mean to sound bitchy but I think I also looked as thought I was the only one who really made an effort with my appearance. One young guy looked as though he had actually just rolled out of bed.

I dont think I will be getting an offer any day soon but funnily enough, I'm not that upset by it...

Ah well. Never mind. Onwards and upwards...XXXXX

Just had a confirmation "Thanks but No Thanks" e-mail in connection with the job I interviewed for today.

Thats the quickest Dear John letter I've ever had. They must have made up their mind not to hire me the second they laid eyes on me...LOL!! XXXX..

My "gut feelings" are never wrong!!! XXXX

I know the feeling. When I stopped work last year, I was so stressed because I felt I needed a job. Been working since I finished uni. All the money worries, etc. Now it's like I'm too worn out to even start looking for one. I felt that once my personal life's sorted, I will be in better spirits but things are dragging on. I'm so tired of it all, I feel numb. So generally I just keep on going,take care of my little one as if everything's fine.
What about you? How are you feeling? Xx

Please don't give up I know it's cliche but it will get better and your son needs you xx you are loved

Reading back my messages of yesterday it seems as though I was a different person. I woke up this morning feeling awful. I acted very blase about the whole thing yesterday.

If I'm completely honest, when I came up against the calibre of the other applicants I DID think I was in with a good chance of an offer of a job. I looked the part, I was very clear and precise when answering questions. I spoke very politely and clearly (without going over board)in order to let them hear how I would sound answering the telephone as this was a big part of the job!!....Some of these people turned up and looked as though they didnt even want to be there. Their speech was terrible, mumbling instead of speaking and one girl, you could hardly see her face for her hair and she actually looked as though it was an inconvenience for her to be there. The only thing they had that I didnt was youth. I think the reason I was not offered a job was because I was too old. It is hard to come to terms with and it hurts. Surely at 51 my life is not over!! I take care of myself. I dont smoke, havent had a drink in a long time. I have good skin and hair have often been told I dont look my age and keep fit so I am really heathy??? I'm on here every day and at some point I know people are going to start getting fed up with me. One minute I'm up, next I'm down. I'm actually starting to feel as though I look like a fake myself. I cant keep up with these mood swings.

I'm sorry I'm such a misery guts today....XXXXXX

Sorry.....just realised I didnt even say "Thanks" for your messages. it goes without saying I appreciate your messages, comments, advice.....and your time!! XXXXXXXXX

Hey BabyJane, don't despair. It was just a call centre job that you didnot want anyway. Look what's ahead and try to get that one...you know someone suggested that to me the other day. When you are at crossroads like this, do a mood board where you stick on things/people that motivate you, that you want to do in life, things that make you happy, memories..you get the idea. By focus your mind towards building this board, you will end up finding the path you need to follow. What do you think?

Hi guys!!

I have just received a telephone call from the person who interviewed me yesterday. Firstly, she was calling to apologise for the e-mail I received. It wasnt actually meant for me and had been sent to the wrong person. I have since received a confirmation e-mail of my job offer, start date etc.

I have indeed been offered the position and the job is mine if I want it. I have accepted and start next month and I cant wait. I need to get back into the work environment and see an end to this misery.

I really DID want this job but because I thought I hadnt got it I used every excuse possible to convince myself that I "didnt really want it anyway".

I will still be keeping in touch with my MN friends and dont think that because things have worked out at last that this will be the end of my chats. I hope they will be a bit more cheerier in future and I will be here to listen to anyone, they way people have listened to me!!

Cant thank you all enough!!

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Oh my goodness sorry I lost the thread again and just caught up. Congratulations that is truly excellent news. So happy for you

Well done BabyJane. Hope it all goes well for you.

Hi @BabyJaneLives123. Have you started your new job now? Just wondered how you’re doing. X