I have been on this site now for some time and feel that it is ok for me to share thoughts and feelings. For a long time now I have been feeling really low and had been working in what I can only describe as a horrible place with a toxic workmate, who at times had me feeling like I was going out of my mind. I hated working with the person who constantly undermined me at every given moment and made herself look like a great employee.
I thought I had got out of this horrible situation when I managed to get myself a new job. The whole package was going to be so different but the pressures of learning their system very quickly was very overwhelming and my confidence, being at such a low level as it was, took an even bigger hammering.. The travelling was exhausting and all of this made it impossible for me to stay there, so I left. I now feel like a total failure and a big disappointment to my son. (He is 19)This happened last week and I told family and friends, I have only heard back (by text message) from one friend of mine to ask how I was. I feel I have disappointed them as well.
I dont know what to do. I have never been unemployed. I have to see my GP on Thursday. I spoke to someone yesterday who told me that she may be able to help me look for something through the agency she works for. I am 50 and already think time is running out for me anyway. I just feel like people WOULD be better off without me dragging them down. I feel positive for all of 2 minutes when I am trying to do something for myself and then the feeling disappears.I love my son so much and dont want to leave him in this shitty world on is own but i really cannot cope anymore.....