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Original poster

should i still be crying about this 3 months on?

59 replies

traumatisedatnight · 25/04/2007 12:47

most nights when i go to bed and switch off the light i am suddenly overcome with feelings of sadness thinking about the birth of my dd. i can't stop thinking about the whole ordeal and the feelings of despair i had when giving birth.
i am normally such a positive and calm person and by day i still am, i talk about the day easily and make jokes about it even. at night i cry. i don't even know why! i don't think it was that bad compared to what some others go through! do others feel this way? i think i'm just dwelling on it sometimes and making myself feel worse but i can't seem to get over it.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 25/04/2007 14:18

i'm one of vitomum's awful friends who had positive birth experiences, traumatisedatnight.

and i can confirm that she was very chipper, even humourous about her terrible birth experience and said all of the things like 'it was worth it' etc etc at the time so tbh we never thought much of it.

it's only now that she's pregnant again that she's really started speaking to us about how dreadful it all was really and what an impact it had, so i'd listen to her now. i'd also do whatever lulumama suggests as a matter of course.

we all have things that make us feel lonely at night, traumatised. i remember vitomum telling me that she was a bit jealous of my positive birth experience, but of course i was able to counter that at the time i was bloody jealous of the fact that she had a baby, having just lost a pregnancy. and i think i did wish for one of my friends to go through the same, just so i wouldn't feel so alone about it all... and she said she felt exactly the same way.

so that's where looking for support comes in, i think. you'll need a bit of help and a bit of time. it's great that you have your child but you know what, it would have been even better if you hadn't had such a horrid labour. plenty of people have worse, but plenty have better and you're just feeling your way through it at the moment and trying to work out your feelings. good luck with everything, i hope that you are able to find some good help.

Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 25/04/2007 14:18

btw, who will have my notes?

OP posts:
Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 25/04/2007 14:22

thanks aitch, and everyone. i feel a bit better knowing that i'm normal/justified(?) in feeling this way somehow, i'm not being a self pitying attention seeker!

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Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 25/04/2007 14:39

just spoke to mw to arrange debriefing. broke down on the phone, couldn't speak. why can't i just deal with this, feel so stupid!

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 25/04/2007 14:42

you are expecting Far Too Much Of Yourself. midwives are there to be cried at, that's their job. was she nice?

Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 25/04/2007 14:44

yeah, nice but brief convo, she said we'll go over it all at meeting. in floods now, don't even know why!

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 25/04/2007 14:49

you've just taken a big step forward, probably. hopefully it's relief...

Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 25/04/2007 14:56

lurked on a few other threads for a while and feel a lot better, taken my mind off things. dry eyes now! thanks aitch - feels like you are watching over me! (that would be a bit scary though wouldn't it?!)gonna try not to think about it untill i see the mw now. if i start getting upset i will think of you (envisage a kind of female 'aitch' from sexy beast)

OP posts:
Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 25/04/2007 14:57

thanks all for your advice, much appreciated, sincerely. going back to my name now.

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AitchTwoOh · 25/04/2007 15:08

what a terrifying thought. although i did love ray winstone's funny chest in that film . who was aitch? surely not ben kingsley? [horrified]
feel free to wave at me if you see me with your real name, i'll discreetly wave back. or not if you don't want to obviously.

lulumama · 25/04/2007 16:02

glad you are getting sorted xxxx

Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 25/04/2007 19:08

just spoke to the midwife that delivered dd (blubbed again ), she was really nice and remembered me well (or so she said), she is going to come round with my notes. it doesn't sound like they do many debriefings though as she said she wasn't sure of the best way to go about this and she may need to bring an 'h'grade midwife with her . think i might show her the first part of this thread as i can't seem to find the right words. hopefully i will feel i can lay it to rest and get on with having a good nights sleep!

aitch - he was ray winstones best friend, jackies husband. lol at ben kingsley! no, i don't envisage you like that, although you do swear some at times don't you?!

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AitchTwoOh · 25/04/2007 22:01

damn, i can't find out what cavan kendall looks like.
why are you so embarrassed to be crying over this? it's the Hugest Thing Ever having a baby, i can't think what better reason there would be to get emotional, especially if you're still freaked out by it. that's good that your midwife remembered you, i hope it goes well. in a way the fact taht a. she remembered you and b. she's not had to do a debrief before suggests that you did have an especially rotten time of it.

Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 27/04/2007 10:02

spoke to my mum about it all yesterday, which helped as she said that it is obviously something that needs to be tackled. She could see that this was totally unlike me and they way i normally deal with a stressful situation (calmly, rationally). She suggested post traumatic stress disorder? Don't know about this, although vivid flashbacks are a sign, focusing on the negative etc. I don't know.
Felt awful yesterday as a friend of a friend had a baby girl on tuesday, went through an awful time of it during labour apparantly. Made me feel really guilty for being so obsessed with my own. Feel really anxious about seeing the midwife who confirmed meeting for the 10th.

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squeakybub · 27/04/2007 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cathcart · 27/04/2007 10:26

thanks squeaky. how did you know it was pnd? how did you deal with it and what led to it? if you don't mind me asking?

cathcart · 27/04/2007 10:26

shit. blown my cover. panic why!

Original poster
traumatisedatnight · 27/04/2007 10:29

oh no! why do i care who knows, nobody knows me anyway! fuck!

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AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2007 12:02

PMSL cathcart. glad your mum is being supportive. it does sound a bit ptsd-y to me but i don't know anything about anything...

btw, why is your name cathcart, i've always wondered. it makes me think of peggy from hi-de-hi. and somethign else as well, but i'll tell you that when you tell me how you pronounce it.

cathcart · 27/04/2007 12:53

hi aitch! its cath-cart, just as you read it! its because my mum used to call me that, and sometimes still does, after peggys boss, miss cathcart! (my rl name is similar - can you guess?!)
what else does it remind you of? [suspicious]

cathcart · 27/04/2007 12:54

anyways - you can call me dimwit if you like...

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2007 13:06

pmsl. i used to live in a place called cathcart, so i wondered if you did too...

cathcart · 27/04/2007 13:08

oh, thought it was going to be something rude!

AitchTwoOh · 27/04/2007 13:13

you sound disappointed...

cathcart · 27/04/2007 13:16

yes, feeling naughty today! still get that friday feeling even though i'm on mat leave, plus i had a good sleep last night (eventually pushed those thoughts out with a lovely image of your man face cavan!)