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Original poster

Dp cannot cope with the mess of toys

131 replies

itsnotmessy · 31/12/2017 07:02

Since Christmas my dp has really been struggling. He likes things to be in order and tidy but as you can imagine with Christmas just gone and 3 children off school, the house isn't perfect. The children have been given lots of toys and he's struggling to cope with seeing the toys out. I've tidied them away the best I can but once they want to play they make quite a mess. The problem is I encourage their play but dp hates it. He has already made a mental list of things to go to the charity shop. Some of which is new toys hardly played with. Our children don't have masses of things but toys like lego can cause quite a bit of mess when scattered around. Is there any ways anyone can suggest so I can make the house look less of a mess when the children are playing ?

OP posts:
Dermymc · 31/12/2017 07:44

Gosh your poor children.

You need to explain to your dh that he is damaging them and it isn't a normal way to live. They are already being subtly controlled by his MH issues which isn't right.

Is your dh seeking help for his MH problems?

MessyBun247 · 31/12/2017 07:44

How is your relationship with him? And what kind of parent is he, aside from not liking toys?

Undercoverbanana · 31/12/2017 07:47

Is DP the children's father? Was there no realisation that DCs would result in untidiness and toys and stuff everywhere?

I'm afraid he needs to get help with his MH issues before this impacts upon innocent DCs. I say this as someone with MH issues myself.

Original poster
itsnotmessy · 31/12/2017 07:49

Jax sorry you are going through this too.

He is a good parent. Since we have had children his mh declined greatly. It's been a very difficult time.

OP posts:
borntobequiet · 31/12/2017 07:49

The only way I could deal with this would be to move him out to his own place. I appreciate this might not be possible, but it seems an unbearable situation for all of you at present.

Original poster
itsnotmessy · 31/12/2017 07:51

It did come to a point where I said that he would be better in a place of his own, for his own sanity and ours. He doesn't want to look like the bad guy who walked out on his family.

Yes he is their father.

OP posts:
Footle · 31/12/2017 07:51

No doubt he'd rather his kids were glued to screens and headphones. It's not acceptable that the children should be made to feel bad about playing - it's their job!

Onedayhey · 31/12/2017 07:51

I’m not sure it will help at all but does he understand the importance of play and what children get from it? Does he appreciate how deprived the children would be if they couldn’t play with toys?

My ex was an intelligent man (well supposedly) but he really didn’t get a lot about the development of children and how they understand things and it affected how he related to the children. He could only see things from his point of view not theirs.

Onedayhey · 31/12/2017 07:52

In what way is he a good parent?

Original poster
itsnotmessy · 31/12/2017 07:52

He laughs at the idea that children need to play and turns it round to him and what he needs.

OP posts:
rcat · 31/12/2017 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
itsnotmessy · 31/12/2017 07:56

Oneday he does love his children dearly and tells them all the time. He spoils them with treats outside the house. It's just when there is a mess or toys he stresses out completely. He can be really fun and happy one minute then next minute shouting that the house is a tip and we need to throw stuff out.

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 31/12/2017 07:58

If he laughs at the idea that children need to play then he’s honestly stupid as well as incredibly selfish. What, so he knows better than literally every child development expert on the planet??

There’s not much hope at all if he thinks he’s 100% in the right. Without acknowledgement of his problem and commitment to change there is absolutely no point in your trying to manage things on your children’s behalf.

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/12/2017 07:58

Your dh is admitting he has mh issues. Wouldn't the answer be that he tries to fix his mh first not trying to fix his surroundings. Can he understand that even if the dc had no toys he would just find fault in something else.

On a more flippant note would he be better taking an evening job. The extra money could then be put towards affording a bigger house.

He needs to stop bitching he has 3 children. What did he think was going to happen

Capelin · 31/12/2017 07:59

OP, he needs to seek help. I am so sad for you and your DC having your lives ruled by this Sad

princesssparkle1 · 31/12/2017 07:59

The answer here is that DP controls his OTT MH. Not that the kids change. I hate mess too but jeez . He needs to grow a pair.

MessyBun247 · 31/12/2017 07:59

t did come to a point where I said that he would be better in a place of his own, for his own sanity and ours. He doesn't want to look like the bad guy who walked out on his family.

So the only reason he didn’t leave is because of what other people would think? Not because he actually genuinely wanted to stay?

Capelin · 31/12/2017 08:00

Could you point him towards literature about the importance of learning through play? Although tbh it sounds like he just won’t listen to reason.

princesssparkle1 · 31/12/2017 08:01

It's just when there is a mess or toys he stresses out completely. He can be really fun and happy one minute then next minute shouting that the house is a tip and we need to throw stuff out.

Then he needs to sort HIMSELF out. He needs to sort HIM. Not get everyone else to change to make him feel better. Surely you can see this, OP?

Onedayhey · 31/12/2017 08:03

What does he actually expect three children to do in the house during the Christmas holidays?

Is it literally just the mess/toys he is intolerant of? What about their behaviour?

ACertainRatio · 31/12/2017 08:03

Google Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (note: this is NOT OCD).

He needs to get counselling; it doesn't sound like this would be something he'd be open to, though.

Costacoffeeplease · 31/12/2017 08:04

I’m sorry but I couldn’t live with a man like that. Why do his mental health issues trump everyone else’s? He isn’t a good father if he’s making the children nervous about playing with their own toys, and to seriously talk about taking their things to the charity shop

And to put his daughter’s things in the bin?? I would have gone absolutely batshit on him, MH issues or not, he has no fucking right to do that. Tell him to sort himself out, away from you and the children, and not to come back until he can cope with normal family life

Good father?? Not in a million years

Original poster
itsnotmessy · 31/12/2017 08:04

They are extremely well behaved children. It's nothing to do with their behaviour it's just the things they have.

OP posts:
CocaColaTruck · 31/12/2017 08:04

Mental health or not he's a selfish prick, OP.

Don't let him throw their toys out or stop them playing. If he can't cope with normal family life he needs to move out.

Your children will grow up damaged by his self-obsession.

Dermymc · 31/12/2017 08:05

Your dh prioritises what other people think over the health and happiness of his own children. Wow what a catch.

He moves out and deals with his mental health problems or you move out and take the children.

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