Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi

[Fairydust26]

going through abit of a crappy time with anxiety/health anxiety at the mo so thought it would be a good idea to create this thread. I always find that when I’m feeling anxious writing it down makes me feel a little bit better so hopefully some of you might too and we can support each other through this crappy time as I know it can make you feel pretty lonely. I’m trying to not drag myself back to bed and write today off so I’ve made a cuppa put the heating on sat by the xmas tree and going to try and have a clam Saturday so come say hi

thefutureisours I can see paragraphs in your posts. Today’s been okay starting to get a cold which is what I really need right now🙄. Gotta brace the shops tomorrow to get the last bits for xmas which always leave me so stressed and frazzled!.

Lawdavmercy some of the mums in the playground always remind me of the mean girls you get in school who would of thought that most of their kids act more mature than them! distance yourself, rise above them and don’t give them a second thought.

Hope everyone’s had a good day

fairydust26, thank you . Needed to hear that today. Hating the fact that social anxiety makes me look like a rude, antisocial old misery.

What is it about this thread, I'm getting a cold now too! Love and hugs to everyone reading this having a hard time

Room for a small one? I've no idea where this year had gone but it had spiralled down and out of control. Always been a nervy type but things have got so on top of me recently and its the constant panic and fear of something bad happening that I have found most overwhelming of late. Started medication recently which I think is helping. Anyhow...

Not sure I want a cold before Xmas though!

Always room for another one. What meds have you started? I've just started sertraline in the last few days.

went to a Christmas concert (with ds1 in it) I so totally get what you said about the social ostracism/feeling lonely at these big events. But this time I met up with two other mums (kids in different year group) and it was absolutely lovely/heartwarming - singing was not that great - but these are old friends of mine, one of whose children has just started in year 7 ...and I really couldn't feel ostracised/alone (don't think it was meanness just not really knowing anyone there, son being bit of a loner etc in past years, feeling teachers not very friendly etc)

So, in Year 13 (last school year for ds1) I feel I've beaten some of those school gate demons. Carols are very cheery uppy aren't they?

Xmas jumpers - last time I had one it shed red mohair on everyone I touched

thefutureisours same. I've been on it 4 weeks now. 3 of those at 50mg. Taken me a while to get my head round taking medication or that it could help, but I ended up getting so stressed out and unable to do simple things I have to do that I figured anything was worth a go. It is helping and I have noticed an improvement. Hope you don't experience too many side effects.

I have been really struggling with school stuff. Normally I just keep my head down and get on with it, but it's been leaving me a quivering mess. Only year r too I've years of this to go...

Sertraline user here. Not sure if it helps. I have 50mg per day. I have tried to increase the dose but it made me so sick that the GP put it back to 50mg. My problems seem so complex that I am unable to judge if it helps me or not.

I take it in the morning. The sickness at night was worse.

mrsdiddlydoo & thefutureisours I’ve been on 50mg since the summer and it really has helped didn’t start to feel the full benefits till about 6 weeks in. the side effects Did make me want to throw in the towel at first but I persevered and they eventually eased so stick at it take each day as it comes hope it works well for you both😊

I've only been taking them a few days but I can feel a bit of a difference already. I was very sick the first day, then very wired the second but settled down a bit today. I don't know how I'd cope with all the school gate crap. I'm rubbish with big groups of people.

I can't deal with team meetings. I feel trapped and panicky. (Had a very major panic attack at one.). I feel so inadequate and under threat. Fight or flight instinct kicks in - adrenalin rush starts - no natural release = panic attack= HR involvement = shitstorm. Vicious circle.

Hi. Popping in if I may.
My anxiety isn't formally diagnosed. It's not as severe as some of yours. It's also primarily ASD-related (was diagnosed about a month ago). The assessor picked up on it, saying that I wasn't in a crisis sort of situation, but that it would be good to get intervention sooner rather than later to avert a crisis.
I don't really get physical symptoms as such; mainly when I'm in an anxiety-provoking situation I just shut down mentally. I had a panic attack about ten years ago when I was in year 7 (exam-related, they're not even serious exams in year 7 ) but none since then. My mother has had anxiety including panic attacks.

As can be expected from the ASD, my anxiety is primarily social, although I wouldn't say I had social anxiety disorder (I've read how people with it find it difficult to even go to the shops which I'm fine with). I hate social situations where I'm with people I don't know. For example, my friend invited me to a "meet-and-greet" event for a uni society. We were both final years at the time, she was involved in the committee and she encouraged me to come. Obviously I didn't know anyone. She's a real social butterfly (funny how that happens) and of course went off to talk to people, leaving me alone. Almost immediately I felt uncomfortable and was mentally planning how to make a swift exit without being noticed by her (I didn't want to face awkward questions). Similar situation in second year when she invited me to a pub night out where she knew everyone as she'd lived with them in halls the year before; they were all happily chatting away and I just felt like a spare part.
My friend is the kind of person who makes friends pretty much instantly, she had so many friends at university, whilst I literally only made two. I know it's more than none, but I would have liked to make more. There've been a few people over the years who I wanted to be friends with, but I just could not bring myself to do it. My negative voice would jump in going "oh, you'll have nothing in common", "you're too weird", "they wouldn't want to be friends with you". And now, of course, it's highly unlikely that I'll ever see them again, so I've blown it.

I'm really hoping to get some sort of counselling to try and sort things out. My anxiety and terrible self-esteem has meant that I have had no romantic relationships whatsoever. Absolutely nothing. Forget sex, I haven't even kissed anyone! I am still young (22) and have years yet (there are people twice my age who find someone and get married/have kids etc) but I have zero experience whereas those women will have some. I just find it hard to believe currently that I will find anyone even remotely soon. Obviously I know circumstances can change, I could easily be married with two kids in 10 years' time, but that just seems so far off right now. You see the advice all the time that you cannot expect anyone to love you if you don't love yourself (or words to that effect), so I'm definitely not going to jump into anything hoping it'll make me better. I just hope I can get a much better grip on myself and my self-esteem so that I feel ready to enter one.

Sorry for the long post. Hand holds to anyone who needs them

Hello toffee1000 I’m not that much older than you and I too find social situations hard with people I don’t know. I’ve always had the friends that are social butterfly’s and pretty confident in themselves (we’ll come across that way anyway) and I come across as the rude stuck up one when honestly I’m the complete opposite!. As for never having a romantic relationship I honestly wouldn’t stress about it there is no time frame of when you should or shouldn’t of done something do things when your ready and be kind to yourself 😊

After a good couple of days I'm feeling shocking.
Back at the dentist tomorrow for third time in a fortnight. Sure she thinks I'm nuts but I want her to check the filling her colleague did. He did two and one fell out on the way home, 2nd visit she fixed it and now I'm so anxious about it I want her to check the other one hasn't fallen out

toffee there will be someone out there you just click with, and if you have ASD there are plenty of men who do too, and feel much the same as you as regards meeting people/self confidence. I think it helps to join groups where people are naturally shyer and do activities/useful things rather than just chatting ie: walking groups, choirs, book groups, allotments. You will be valued for yourself rather than your attempts to imitate the social butterflies of this world.

I have many ASD traits myself and I have a son with Asperger's, and I absolutely believe we are as lovable as the next person, dh certainly thinks so, even when he finds me exasperating Ds2 is a very kind person, and I think cultivating that quality, however shy you are, you cannot go wrong. (I think there is something about that in Harry Potter) HTH.

vague feeling of dread today, which I walked off Had an stressful incident over tree pruning honestly it sounds ridiculous when I think back, arguing with neighbour over his eucaplyptus, and a lovely lovely coffee with a neighbour who cooked an exquisite banana cake and introduced me to her truly delightful teenagers (shy and thoughtful types) My other worry, ds1 not socialising enough has been solved by him disappearing off to Star Wars with an old friend in baggy trousers (ds not the friend)

Sorry your feeling bad bigfatmeanie I would too feel annoyed if my filling fell out as soon as I left! Try and not get to anxious over it if you can at least tomorrow once you’ve been you’ll feel so much better and can enjoy the weekend 😊.

I suppose in my rational mind I know that I’ll find someone lovely, but it’s the anxious mind that goes “what if...” “you won’t”... blah blah blah. I wish it would just go away! Don’t we all?

Another thing I thought of: I haven’t learnt to drive yet, mainly because I’m worried about it; it just seems so complicated and a lot to remember, and what do you do/how do you react when other people drive badly etc. I live in London so can get away with not driving more easily than some, but it’s still useful.

toffee I know plenty of people living in London (with dcs too) who cannot drive, and it is not the end of the world as public transport is so good, within London that is.
I know plenty of people who suffer from anxiety who CAN drive, and people who don't suffer from anxiety who can't it is not a moral failing on that score; I mean anxiety is not the deciding factor on driving skills.
However, it is handy to learn to drive, if you have the funds, over the next few years (my nephew who is 21 cannot drive and is not planning to over the next few months, due to other things in his life that he needs to sort, and his own self reliance, also the cost of having a car) I learnt to drive at 36, because I had three kids by then and it was a bit of a no-brainer, but tbh I only use it for the run around, trips to B & Q for large sacks of compost, and the children use public transport mostly!
So, in short, driving lessons can be a source of great confidence, but don't beat yourself up for not learning to drive over the next few years, if there are other things that take priority, ie: job/social opportunities/developing confidence generally.

If you think about it, walking on a busy pavement or crossing a road is as scary as driving in terms of the damage you could do, and the skills you need to negotiate other people's thought patterns/decisions, yet we mostly manage those things without thinking or falling over and banging our heads on the pavement or tripping people up. Walking and avoiding obstacles is really quite difficult in terms of balance and skills,we just get used to taking it for granted, once we stop being a toddler!

How’s everyone feeling today all good I hope?

I don't know why I tell my mum anything. She minimises it all and makes it about her.
I had to say bye to people at work who have lost their jobs. I was really upset.
She thinks I should be happy I've kept mine. I am obviously but it's still horrible
She told DH that if lost mine, she was emigrating!
I'm starting to wonder if the day of free childcare a week is worth the lack of support.
Tbh I'll probably just ignore it and not tell her anything again!

Sorry your feeling that way sparklytrees sometimes people just don’t get it even those that are nearest and dearest to us which I know can be hard😞

sparkly some people just offer solutions don't they or retorts, so tiring my mum's got a bit better over last few years at actually "listening" rather than saying things like In My Day We Did X...

Feeling very anxious today about packing and organising. But have taken first step of making big big list with dh's help, and getting suitcases down, only to find we don;t have enough (I think I threw away two last year when the cat peed on them! At the time it felt like delightful decluttering, but now of course the boredom of having to get two new suitcases when I wasn't expecting it)
also feeling anxious about various older godchildren I should probably send xmas cards to or even gifts (they are over 21 though) I am trying not to think of it, perhaps it can wait till I return at end of Dec. Tomorrow is Another Day!

The good news is (I also try to remind myself of good things when I am feeling especially anxious)
There is ENOUGH CAT FOOD
There is ENOUGH HUMAN FOOD
Boiler has been serviced
Children are old enough to pack own clothes
My family will be on holiday with me so I can think about presents for them later on, actually on holiday rather than worryig about posting things
We are all healthy and well.
Ds1 has given in his Coursework for A level and his UCAS.

there feel a bit better. No need to panic

sparklytrees I wish I was brave enough to tell my family stuff but don't because it stresses me out and from past experiences it doesn't help. I would still prefer to be open with them and feel less burdened. I would be upset at colleague losing their jobs. I find my mil the most patronising and she just doesn't listen.

I'm having a less good day, yesterday was better which is positive in the least because I was having no better days. Have just survived a Santa experience muttering I am enough and nothing bad is actually going to happen under my breath to get through it. Times like this I feel so inadequate. Trying to stay positive is hard work.

Well done remembering the good news nettle!

Santa experiences...if this cheers you up, one of my godchildren (the one I haven't bought a present for ) had a job as a Elf at Harrods just after A levels - they picked him because he was enormously tall!

Santa experiences - well, there is so much that can go wrong isn't there. Our school fete had a photo experience tacked on to the Santa bit and waiting to get the photo caused a complete meltdown in my Reception son. And then there was the day the previous year when the tickets to Santa ran out...

I remember as a child getting a present from Santa at a party, and then opening it, it was a box with a doll on the front, I was soo excited, and then inside was a JIGSAW of a doll, soo completely disappointed (not sure if I had a meltdown, was probably too shy at that age..probably had a meltdown over somethign else later)