Not been on this thread before but i dont know what to do. I suffer with Severe anxiety and depression and ive mostly been isolated for years. I can go months without leaving the house and longer without speaking to friends ( ive probably gone over a year before).
Well anyway my friend added me into a group chat. Me, him, a friebd of his that i know that i accidentally upset before who says its all sorted but we both know its not as theyve conpletely withdrawn from talking, their partner and friends. I thought it was a great, itll get me speaking to people again.
Well its been a little less than 2 weeks and its completely did a number on me for so many reasons:
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my friend said he stuck his neck out for me to get into the group. Which is nice of him but it doesnt exactly make me sound welcome.
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he said if it goes wrong we'll both get kicked out and where ive been so isolated i sometimes misspeak or say something wrong or awkward. So i was already on egg shells
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everybody was sending gifs to do about a subject. I sent perhaps a few more than the rest ( i have an issue when i get going i get like a storyboard in my head) but others were interacting and having a laugh. Well somebody left. And ive been essentially told theyll only come back if i dont send any gifs
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when it goes quiet for a few days ive twice asked how people are doing and its apparently not gone down well.
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somebody went on a rant about the shooting in america and i agreed there has to be more control but said i didnt think it was as easy as they made it sound and yup you guessed it i annoyed them! And to make matters worse its ny friends friends ( the one i upset before) partner. So its a double whammy.
I found out about the gifs this morning and it had been a fun morning with my sick nephew up until that point, after days of being down a lot and its just floored me again. I cant seem to win. Isolations not great. I cant exactly mention my concerns in the groupchat as ill just be told to leave but itll look bad on my friend, i cant leave because my friend will feel like its wasted effort and he'll probably have to answer questions to the rest. But this obviously isnt a good fit and if i continue ill probably end up annoying someone some how.
And im 26 this is teenage shit, this isnt how i saw my life panning out 5 years ago. I feel my life actually regressing now, i feel like a kid again so immature. And thats even more upsetting. Im just in a loop of bad thoughts and probably somewhat even catastrophosing the chat situation. But i mentioned to my friend that i thought the person left because of me i had a feeling, he said no and it turns out i was right. I have a feeling the friend i upset before had a word with their friends because it seemed it was going well and then the tone suddenly changed and went quiet, even the person i was getting on really well with went suddenly silent.
My friend says im paranoid but Tbh i think theyve set up another group chat without me. And if theyve spoken about the gifs upsetting the person ( for whatever reason i dont know) then i think that somewhat solidifies my belief that they have as otherwise it would be a chain of about 4 people from the aggrieved to my friend. As my friend had to stick his neck out i cant help bit think the other friend relented to put me on a situation id hang myself out to dry socially ( i can be kinda dark and have a dark sense of humour) and when that didnt happen. They did it for me in private.
I know this sounds paranoid but before my anxiety and depression i had very good social intuition, it seemed sometimes i knew the outcomes of social situations before it had even really unravelled. And it still happens now in my family predicting how somebodys actions will make a chain reaction that ends hours/ days ahead. That i was right about the gifs is reinforcing my beliefs that im right, and in my head it all adds up but i know i sound crazy