Anxiety support, Hand hold or chit chat come say hi

[Fairydust26]

going through abit of a crappy time with anxiety/health anxiety at the mo so thought it would be a good idea to create this thread. I always find that when I’m feeling anxious writing it down makes me feel a little bit better so hopefully some of you might too and we can support each other through this crappy time as I know it can make you feel pretty lonely. I’m trying to not drag myself back to bed and write today off so I’ve made a cuppa put the heating on sat by the xmas tree and going to try and have a clam Saturday so come say hi

How’s everyone getting on? This weekends been a write off I’ve been a right anxious mess I could of easily spend the rest of the day in bed but I’m forcing myself to keep busy. Tomorrow’s a new day new week going to start afresh. Hope you’ve all managed to have a peaceful weekend whatever you did.

Hi Deborah, thank you for taking the time to send your reassuring post. It's a comfort being able to discuss concerns without upsetting people close to me. One to one language sessions sounds amazing at the nursery you mentioned. I am desperate to help my DD as she makes so many sounds but cannot say anything. Currently looking to access any free support I can through support groups but working FT leaves me limited. She doesn't go to nursery as of yet and is about 6 weeks shy of starting, I'm hoping as you say this will help her interacting with children. I do have an older DS but he is of an age where he keeps himself occupied out playing or in his bedroom. Your words have been encouraging it's just the not knowing and long wait to see a paediatrician that's making me so anxious right now. I want to get the ball rolling but there are only so many £60 per hour sessions I will be able to afford. X

She'll get there moonshine. As they say patience is a virtue. I have all this to look forward to.

Hi.
My HA is messing me up big time. DH is very ill at the moment.
I’ve gone back to hurting myself tonight. First time in ages.
There is no end in sight to the horrible situation DH is in. I’m coping less and less each day.
Sorry.

My insomnia is back. Slept for about 3 hours last night then woke up at 2. Started off worrying about what type of nappy I should use, then worrying about sleep deprevation with a newborn and how I will cope. And I analysed my thoughts and feelings too much. Tried a few techniques to help me sleep, got up, had a drink, did a bit of cleaning wrote in my diary but every time I lie down I start worrying. So, it's 5am and I've given up. Supposed to be working 9:30-6 today but I plan on going in early to talk to my manager and see how I feel, possibly go home after lunch. I think I set myself too ambitious goals this week so I'll have to take it back a step. I've got 2 appointments this week, seeing the psychiatrist on Wednesday has been stressing me out but it should be a good thing. Also, got the annomoly scan on Friday. Also, I miss my dog as he's still at the in laws. We are picking him up tomorrow evening, allthough I might stay home and get an early night and let my husband go to his parents alone.

OneOfTheGrundys it’s so hard when your nearest and dearest are ill let alone when you have health anxiety. Have you spoken to anyone about how your feeling like your gp? We’re all here for you .

Deborah543 you’ve got a lot going on it’s understandable that your having these feelings the impending arrival of a baby is an anxious time for anyone I remember that feeling so clearly so be kind to yourself and take things easy fingers crossed you manage to get some sleep tonight.

Thanks fairydust, I did sleep better tonight, woke up at the slightly more sociable hour of 4:30, decided to get up and have breakfast at 5:20 and my husband try to tell me I shouldn't be getting up, it's too early for breakfast. Last night I felt hungry after dinner but didn't have a snack. I may have felt the baby kick for the first time at about 5 but it could have been my pulse or gas. Most likely a kick though. I'm being proactive and texted the mental health midwife last night, she'll call me today. I'm still nervous about the psychiatric assessment on Wednesday. I think I may have bipolar but I'm trying not to overanalise and self diagnose. A friend of mine said, labels don't matter, they are always changing, what matters is finding out what helps you feel better.I'm just worried about sleep deprivation making me manic. Feel artificially happy at the moment....

Hope everyone is well this morning. My husband brought my dog home, and he was not even excited to see me, just ignored me and wanted dinner. :( but him being I'm the house overnight was a real comfort. I'm looking forward to doing some baby training with him soon. I love dogs and have contemplated being a trainer, maybe one day.

It's just I was diagnosed with a psychotic episode last year (I actually think it was mania and not quite psychosis after doing lots of research) and since then whenever I feel happy or excited I'm also anxious so don't allow myself to get too excited about anything. Meeting on Wednesday will be good. Maybe I'll have some anti-psychotics to keep in the cupboard for an emergency, though I still don't want medicine when pregnant or anything psychoactive... Anti-psychotics stopped me being excited about anything, gave me artificial depression... I never want to take them daily again.

I have two good ‘mental health’ friends in rl who get it. They have been great.
Much calmer today. Just feel sad and low now.
And thank you. I’m so pleased to have found you all here.

Friends are so important. I'm work in a great team at work in the xray department and they are all so supportive. My least favourite orthopaedic surgeon bully pissed me off today but I argued back, as I have zero respect for the man, then we all had a rant and a moan. He had a go at us for not xraying his patients quick enough. Then I tried to do my job but couldn't think or function due to adrenaline so handed over to a colleague and told him he is not helping, he had a come back so I told him I'm not arguing and walked away because I was trying to finish what I'd started when he turned up and returned a CD to a patient who had been waiting twice as long as the surgeons patient. He then left me alone but hovered over my colleague with intemidating body language when she was on the phone about a sick baby needing an urgent xray and then xraying. Completely unacceptable behaviour, should put in a complaint tommorow. Anyway rant over.

Sadly I don't have many friends. I made a grand total of two at university. (I know there's no rule saying you have to make x number of friends, but I wanted to have more!) My main university friend is doing a Masters, and owing to her work she's very busy currently, so I can't go and visit for a good few months. She's also pretty extrovert and social, unlike me.
That orthopaedic surgeon sounds like a right dick.

Toffee, I'm still fuming this morning. I complaint is going in. You should never mess with a pregnant woman. Lol. If it makes you feel better I made a grand total of zero friends at uni who I still keep contact with. My whole life people were telling me university is the place you make friends for life, learn to be self reliant, more than just learning etc etc. I hated uni, but love my job now so it was worth it. The university wasn't right for me, in London and too modern. I'd have liked a traditional uni better I think like Cambridge or Durham that my sisters went to but didn't have the grades. Which is why I feel so depressed that I've not progressed due to mental health and am now pregnant. Dwelling on my lack of friends makes me feel so crap. My colleagues are amazing but I don't socialise much outside of work because don't like drinking. I've joined a church because I used to go to church as a child but am agnostic and am only sometimes in the mood. I do find prayer and worship helpful but don't believe in all the dogma. Anyway I'm rambling and have no point.

My husband left for work, I put on greenday 'I'm not ok' on YouTube, saw the phrase 'do you ever feel confused' and I've been in a constant state of confusion this week so just cried for the whole song. Gonna try some yoga and meditation so I can be OK to make it to my appointment in two hours. If I can't I'll message the mental health midwife who referred me for the appointment. I just don't want to go off with stress again. I've used up most my sick leave allready this year and I hate sitting at home alone.

Sorry for flooding this page past week. Hope everyone is doing well today. I'm heading off wish me luck. Xx

Deborah543 Good luck hope it goes well!.

Thanks fairy dust. It went fine, Dr was pretty happy with me, I've been referred for treatment only because I'm pregnant.

Deborah543 thinking of you. Hope all goes great - let us know. And keep posting.....!

I'm up and down like a bloody yo yo this week - out for a lovely night with a very good friend on Saturday which I had to drag myself to, but glad I did - Sunday was amazing!

Counselling session yesterday, jitters all day in the lead up and had a great one - didn't cry once.

Today - have done drop off (to get me out of the house first thing), shopping and charity shop recycling, signed up to volunteer in our local kids charity a day a week in the Summer - I think I might have just done too much and I've run out of steam.

Need to get my ass in gear to meet a friend for coffee at 1 and then picking DD and her friend up early from nursery to make pizza and go to school meeting.... Shiiiiiiit! I have done too much!

I'm rattling again :(

DSIS and her DP are here tomorrow - can't wait to see them.....

Thanks troupeslane. I went into work then talked to the radiographer in charge and she gave me a lift home because I'm exhausted. I know I'm so lucky to have such a supportive workplace. Sounds like a very busy day. I've done one mental health meeting and that's me done for the day.

I don't really mind being at home alone now as I know I'll be back at work tommorow. May have to give away my 9-8 shift on Sunday. It's my first overtime shift since I've been pregnant but I think I'll need the full weekend off.

Hello everyone. Took the day off sick today and feeling really guilty. Am feeling a bit more stable though. And filled in a self referral form for therapy. Trying to take one minute at a time... Tea in my new flat tastes like dishwater which is very distressing
Not sure how to get comfort without decent tea!

Hi qumquat.
Yuck to the horrible tea!
Maybe try a different brand? Tea is a necessity IMO.
Citalopram upped today.

I decided to head out to pick up some baby stuff at about 3 this afternoon and even though I felt tied thought I'd be able to stop and lidl to buy some fresh food (we're out but we do have cooked freezer meals but I wanted to cook tonight. Parked and decided to pop into the doctors next door as I remembered I needed to book a vaccine. As I walked in I remembered a letter I got inviting me to an annual mental health review which seemed unnecessary so decided to ask about that too. I didn't have my diary on me, just thought I'd see if I could have my vaccine on my day off next week. I couldn't. No problem I said I'll book another time it's not urgent, I think. Receptionist said she'd check and call me later if I did need it sooner. Then I said I got a letter inviting me for an annual mental health review which is a urine test, blood test and review with a doctor but have had recent mental health appointments and am under specialist care so don't think I need to. She didn't think so but checked with someone and said I do because it's some quality procedure they have to do. I said I don't have my diary and started getting upset because I'm overwhelmed by the number of appointments I'm having. Receptionist was lovely and said it's difficult talking about this with all thesse people watching, do you want me to call you back. I was biting my nails and started to well up and just froze. She said should I come round and we go to a quiet room. she wrote her name down on a bit of paper, then I said no it's fine all call you later and walked out. I then went to lidl and just walked round the Isles not finding anything because the shop had been rearranged so left with nothing and drove home. Was nice to get back and relax on the sofa with the dog and I went out for a couple of short brisk walks. I should remember this is like any other illness and if I'm off work I should be resting at home. House is a tip and I'm not sure what I fancy for dinner. My husband is out at a concert with a friend tonight. He bought the tickets for us but I didn't want to go. He so rarely goes out with friends so I'm happy but just would have been better if it wasn't tonight, but was booked months ago. There is yesterday's leftovers. I've been messaging friends and one suggested I do an online food order when I said I've not got round to shopping. I really dislike shopping. Had a panic attack in Asda a few months ago with my husband when they had no liquishie tea. My husband does almost all the food shopping these days. Apart from that I've had a restful day. I'll just get back to my to do list, have something to eat then go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.

I thought I'd look at baby clothes I'd collected to feel more connected but just feel nothing. Time to stop thinking, wish I could have some alcohol... Just got to busy myself with something, or my cbt app.

I'm still angry at the surgeon. I've put up with his crap too many years. Radiographers have to put up with so much crap from doctors you wouldn't believe it in this day and age. And colleges have said to let it go, everyone knows he's a dick but I really hate him right now for tipping me over the edge. I'm allready going to have less maternity pay than I planned due to me having no overtime in the months my pay is calculated from. I was looking forward to getting back to doing some overtime this weekend but now I don't know if I can. He gets paid far too much money to treat his colleges like shit. I slept for 2 hours then cried about my set back and have written out my complaint. Going to fill in the insident form as he's a factor in me taking a day off and I'll have a read of the bullying and harassment protocol see what else I can do. I've worked with him for 4 years and he is the most vile man ever. Lots of radiographers have walked out of his theatre. I should have done once when he said 'all you radiographers are so fucking lazy.' he's really sexually inappropriate too, stands too close always makes derogatory comments about naked anithitised patients bodies, thinks he's so funny but no one is laughing. He'd have some serious lawsuits if patients recorded his theatre. I really want to bring him down but know i should reduce my stress and save energy for the baby. I'm not going to just drop it through. He should be prosecuted really.