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Mental health

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Original poster

feeling really rubbish

59 replies

Nemo2007 · 01/04/2007 21:36

just fed up trying to muddle on but nothing is working. was peeling potatos and all could think of was other stuff to do with knife..sorry am being blunt and am not hiding my identity as otherwise I will keep pretending things are 'ok'

OP posts:

Dior · 02/04/2007 20:34

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Dior · 02/04/2007 20:34

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Dior · 02/04/2007 20:35

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BassMama · 02/04/2007 20:42

Hello Nemo

I am sorry to hear things arent getting better for you.

Did you get the voucher i sent? Have been looking for you on here recently to ask if it arrived, but haven't 'seen' you around much.

I really hope things can get better. Talking to the HV might help. I hope so.

Try to look at the EuroDisney trip as a good thing, something to look forward to.

Original poster

Nemo2007 · 02/04/2007 22:40

Dior I have often thought throw the logistics and the only reason I havent carried it out is because of my children I would hate for them to think they didnt mean enough to me.

Bassmama did I not send an email?? I am so so sorry I did get the voucher and managed to get DD2 some tights for the christening and also some wellies for DD1

I just wish I could walk away from how I feel or even life for a day or two. I dont even know at the minute if I want my relationship with my husband but am scared to be alone in case I got to the point of carrying out the urges. I have already selfharmed in the past and often think it is only a short cross between that and a slip into something else.

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Dior · 02/04/2007 22:50

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BassMama · 02/04/2007 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster

Nemo2007 · 02/04/2007 22:51

god Dior are you sure you are not me??????!!!!!!!!!
I know exactly what you mean, I hate the idea my children would feel rejected but also hate the fact my life is so mundane and rut like that I cant ever see the cycle ending.

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Original poster

Nemo2007 · 02/04/2007 22:53

Bassmama I wish I could get away but lack of money and DH probably moaning away about it stops it happening. He is quite honestly crap with the kids and pouts at the idea of watching them while I go the loo nevermind if I went away.

OP posts:

mummytosteven · 02/04/2007 22:54

sorry things are difficult. you will be going through a hard time anyway regardless of MH issues because of your grief over your gran. partly as well I imagine you probably thought you would feel loads better once your H started his new job, so maybe it's a disappointment that you are still struggling.

have you fallen out of the system in terms of CPN/HV/Psychologist/Psychiatrist since having DD2? If you get on with your HV, and feel better talking to her than your CPN, maybe if you could badger her gently into coming round to see you more regularly to talk things through with you. It doesn't sound as if the meds (IIRC you went back on the Ven after you had DD2) are doing as much as they should either, so if you can look into that with somebody that might help?

Dior · 02/04/2007 22:54

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Original poster

Nemo2007 · 02/04/2007 22:59

MTS I am still in the system just that the cpn is crap[god I wish my super one hadnt left]. I am on 75mg but did say to the cpn last week I think it needs upping but she said to wait until after the funeral etc.
To be honest about Dh being out at work it is actually easier than when he is around. When he is here I feel wound up and pissed off.

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BassMama · 02/04/2007 23:02

Forget about DH moaning. They are his kids too - tell him - and he needs to spend ONE night with them so you can get away!

Explain that you need a break, and that he will have to look after them alone while you are away. He would have to do it if you were in hospital for example, so he can't say its not possible.

Sorry - that sounds very harsh. I don't mean it too..

I just really think it might do you good.

Original poster

Nemo2007 · 02/04/2007 23:09

Bassmama I know what you are saying is true but in some senses I am scared not to have my children around as then there would be nothing to stop me if that makes sense.

Dior I have those thoughts too like the good days are mocking me. I had a really good 24hrs a couple of weeks ago and I mean excellent only to be told the next day my nan would be dead in 24hrs.I am just so drained by this constant rollercoaster I have been on since having Ds[and probably a while before]. Just before I had him I could block the thoughts where when I had him everything overtook me and I lost all that I had considered my identity. Now my identity is consumed in my children and I feel completely incompetent without them to hide behind.God I want to cry now.

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Dior · 02/04/2007 23:14

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Original poster

Nemo2007 · 02/04/2007 23:17

Dior also do the cycle of eating etc and am very overweight but I know thats because I use it as a barrier.
DH is home all day tommorow and wed and thurs so there is someone here..

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mummytosteven · 02/04/2007 23:18

Nemo - what about joining my book group? Would just be a couple of hours one evening a month at blackburne house, so not too much of a commitment, nobody minds if people haven't finished the book, it's not a very intellectual bookgroup!

oh god here I am in fix it mode again, just call me bob the builder.

BassMama is quite right, the only way DH will get used to and comfortable with looking after all the kids is by being left to get on with it. I mean he could always call his parents if he really got stuck...

Dior · 02/04/2007 23:19

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BassMama · 02/04/2007 23:20

You really, really, really need some time on your own. And if you really can't get away for a few days, then try to make time alone at home. Go for an evening walk. Have long baths when the DC's are in bed. Put on some music, sit in the garden, have a glass of wine.

You need to regain your own identity. You are not just a wife and mother. You are a person.. What kind of things did you do before you had children? Start doing these things again. If you were into clubbing, get a night out. If you were into fashion, go shopping and update your wardrobe. If you were into the gym, go to the gym.

get your hair done. Get your nails done. Or go for a spray tan or massage.. Somethings to make yourself feel better and give you time to chill out alone. The thoughts you have will stop, but you have to face them first.

It is so important to retain your identity, and time to think youself really helps with that.

Dior · 02/04/2007 23:25

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Dior · 03/04/2007 08:11

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Original poster

Nemo2007 · 03/04/2007 10:28

Dior same really but just keeping busy..got my post natal check at gps at 11[DD2 is only 12wks old]

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rachfran · 03/04/2007 15:49

I am at home all day tomorrow, can DH have kids for an hour? come round for a cuppa, you don't have to talk about anything, just give you a bit of a break. Or bring your 3 and we could go for a walk in Calderstones.

Original poster

Nemo2007 · 03/04/2007 21:22

rachfran thanks for the offer but at the min am not very good company. Plus Hv is coming out and cant remember if she said 11 or 1.

OP posts:

rachfran · 03/04/2007 22:05

Not too worry, offer is always there.

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