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Original poster

Managed to call the dr - not sure I'll make it

77 replies

madcatsforever · 29/06/2017 20:05

Hi

Thanks to those who replied yesterday. I managed to build up the courage to call the doctors and have an appointment on Monday.

It feels quite a long way off, I'm not sure how I'm going to get through these next few days.

I've self harmed so much I'm struggling to hide the marks, I'm so scared of anyone seeing and having to explain it.

Things are so hard at home, I hate being here yet can't stand going out either.

I desperately want to end it all, put an end to the misery once and for all. I'm scared to try as I know I'll fail again. It's all too much.

OP posts:
ew1990 · 29/06/2017 20:07

Can you get yourself to a&e? Flowers

Aretheseyours33 · 29/06/2017 20:09

Can you get an emergency appointment
in the morning at doctors?

Mooey89 · 29/06/2017 20:10

Call the crisis team or go to A&E. this is a medical emergency. Take care of yourself. X

Original poster
madcatsforever · 29/06/2017 20:15

I don't want anyone to come out tonight, I can't deal with my husband right now.

I really need a drink then I'll sleep then it will be tomorrow and I'll be able to get some space.

OP posts:
Dashie · 29/06/2017 20:22

I didn't see your previous thread but this is the free phone number for Samaritans should you need it: 116 123
Please do call them and look after yourself x

Comeonmommy · 29/06/2017 20:51

Oh honey Sad if that is how you're feeling you either need to call the Samaritans or get to A&E - they will admit you and look after you. Please be careful, big hugs xxxx

MyGastIsFlabbered · 29/06/2017 21:41

Please call The Samaritans or try to get yourself to A&E. if you really can't can you think of anything that puts you more on an even keel? Trust me, I've been where you are more times than I care to remember. Do you have any rescue remedy? That sometimes works for me.

Original poster
madcatsforever · 30/06/2017 02:49

Thank you

I have emailed the samaritans, I really can't say the words out loud

I don't think I can do A&E I wouldn't know what to say, I'd just be in the way they can't treat this in an emergency department :'(

OP posts:
SmallBee · 30/06/2017 03:42

They can absolutely treat you if you feel you are a danger to yourself. My BIL is a psychiatrist and this is a part of his job, to be on call for A&E walk ins. If you think it'll help please go. If you can't say the words write a letter to give to the staff.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 30/06/2017 03:56

Life is such a rollercoaster, it changes all the time. I hope you're getting some sleep now and tomorrow you can post more and let people help you find your way out of this low point.

You don't deserve to feel so bad. You deserve to be here and be happy. You CAN navigate your way to a better place, with some help.

If you're still awake and feeling like this, please call someone or go to a&e and then tomorrow you can start on your new journey to happier times Flowers

erinaceus · 30/06/2017 06:46

How are you doing this morning OP?

Original poster
madcatsforever · 30/06/2017 07:50

I'm pretty rough to be honest.

I don't know what else to say. It's taken so long just to write this.

OP posts:
MyGastIsFlabbered · 30/06/2017 09:47

It's so tough OP. Hard to see any way out other than suicide, it takes over everything. Would it help to just chit chat about stuff?

One thing that really helped me was from a tv program, the character says "anybody can get through 10 seconds, so you can get through the next 10 seconds, then another 10 seconds starts and you can get through that" Try to break it down into manageable chunks of time rather than focussing on how far away Monday seems.

Original poster
madcatsforever · 30/06/2017 11:34

It's just so hard to fight the urges - I'm not even sure that I want to

I've been here before and got to a good place, part of me doesn't want to fight on through it just to have a few good months and then be back here. I don't have the energy for this rollercoaster.

OP posts:
MyGastIsFlabbered · 30/06/2017 12:01

I do get that OP, sometimes I wonder why I bother to try and get 'well' again because I know I'll be feeling shit again at some point. And every time it gets harder to pull yourself back.

I've promised myself that once my children are grown up I can do it then if I need to. But really hoping that by the time that comes I'll be truly well. But I feel a strange comfort knowing that option is in my future.

erinaceus · 30/06/2017 12:02

Keep posting here if it helps. I have a bit of a "whatever it takes" attitude to getting through the bit where I can't think of anything else. I can throw ideas at you if that helps. I'm hesitant to suggest any as I find it irritating when people say to me "have you tried xyz".

Hang in there.

Original poster
madcatsforever · 30/06/2017 13:42

I have no children, I have no reason to be here. There's nobody depending on me who will be hurt. My pets will be taken care of.

I have lists of things to do in hard times, a happy memory box, letters to myself from when I was feeling well. It all just makes me feel worse that I'm like this again. I don't have the concentration to stick to any task, just waiting it out for night time.

I almost feel like I'm not here, like I'm outside my body just watching from afar. I don't feel anything, I don't want to do anything I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever

OP posts:
Haribogirl · 30/06/2017 14:25

It s... isn't it
Do you have any diazepam you could take to calm you down?
Do you take ADs at the moment? Perhaps you need to up them?

You could defo go to a&he, no one will judge you. Ask to see the psych on duty

Original poster
madcatsforever · 30/06/2017 14:36

I have a few diazepam but I won't use them in case I need them - won't be able to get more over the weekend.

I usually take 20mg escitalopram with 200mg carbamazepine which turned my life around and worked really well for 6 months. Now I feel worse than before I switched to this combination.

OP posts:
erinaceus · 30/06/2017 19:04

MN Classics might get you through another five minutes, if your concentration is up to it? I find sleeping pretty helpful as well to be honest - not forever but it's one of the ways to get through the hours.

Hang in there over the weekend.

Also, I have no pets at the moment and am thinking of getting one. Any suggestions? Cats are popular but I don't think that a cat is for me.

Original poster
madcatsforever · 30/06/2017 19:44

What is MN classics?

I wish I could sleep but I just can't switch off :(

I have cats and a dog, the cats are cuddly but independent, they don't take much looking after. The dog was awesome while I was feeling well, now I feel like I'm letting her down - I don't have the energy to go out with her or entertain her, she's not used to this boring life stuck in all day. She'd be better off with someone else now xx

OP posts:
erinaceus · 30/06/2017 21:41

Mumsnet Classics - classic threads from across the mumsnet talk boards.

Haribogirl · 30/06/2017 23:47

How have you been today?

If you feel you can't sleep when going to bed, TAKE the diazepam
What mg do you have?
It will give your mind/body the rest it needs

If you really don't want to use them, then get some antihistamines( not the non drowsy Ines) like piriton, they might help you sleep at night.

Original poster
madcatsforever · 01/07/2017 03:25

@erinaceus thanks I'll have a look over there :)

@haribogirl it's been a long tough day, I kind of don't know what to do with myself. I have 10mg diazepam and also 7.5mg zopiclone ... just don't want to waste them in case I can't get more.

Thank you for asking after me x

OP posts:
erinaceus · 01/07/2017 05:24

Crikey, though. A cat and a dog is quite a commitment in terms of looking after. Do they get on with each other? I'm thinking I will start with a small furry. I know what I am getting into as we had them when I was a child, including one that I found helpful during tough times.

Let me know if Classics raises a smile. Take care of yourself.