Just wondered if anyone with PTSD/Complex PTSD fancied a chat?

[pepsiandshirley]

I've accepted I'min this for the longish haul, have a great therapist, get out and do plenty of exercise, spend time in green spaces, stay positive etc etc.

But I'd just love to speak to someone/anyone else who understands what a bitch trauma is (any kind, whatever the cause - trauma is trauma!)

Pepsi Interesting to see it in your notes. I've had dissociation recorded too.

Do you always get the "looking from above" sensation?

Hi creating,

Some childhood memories start with being attacked and finish with watching the attack from a doorway, but not that many I don't think..my childhood memories are very fragmented though so I don't know how many times that happened in childhood.

Going through pre-teen memories in therapy is very weird, it's like it's not me that remembers but another part of me - I'm told that's common with trauma.

I used to get a lot of derealisation in my teens. I hated it and didn't know what it was but I realised that smoking weed set it off really badly so had to stop that at about age 16 (not a bad thing!)

What about you, how does your disocciation present?

Can anyone recommend an IEMT therapist in North London and an idea of how Many sessions / cost ? Thanks

Shit just writting that has set of a horrendous emotional flash back which shows no signs of letting up. Feel so sick and shaky. First one since the IEMT think I might need another one. I couldn't remember this bit when I went last time.

bopity mine was £60 for 90 mins. Ihad just the one session which he thought would be enough but it appears not! I'm in the North though don't know anyone in london.

I'm sorry nolonger :( :(

So hard to find the line between sharing / finding support and setting things off.

I hope you're ok, we are here if you need support.

Some books/authors on (C)PTSD:

Bessel van der Kolk - The Body Keeps the Score

Pete Walker - Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving (his website has almost the same info but written for therapists. The book is for non therapists. Worth looking at the site and if it's not making much sense or difficult to wade through, then the book is good, otherwise not useful).

Heller and LaPierre - Healing Developmental Trauma

Peter Levine (any books)

Pat Ogden - Trauma and the Body

Simkin/Klaus - When Survivors Give Birth

Website Laura K Kerr www.laurakkerr.com has some indepth posts.

But the bottom line is that understanding more about our conditions can help, but it doesn't undo the damage that was done. We still have to walk forward and the most effective way of doing that is with the assistance of a good trauma therapist (or more than one).

And a friend told me something that rang true for me today. People with CPTSD are often afraid of living life. The benefit of a good therapist is that ultimately, they'll help you get to a place where life isn't something to be afraid of.

Can't say I'm there yet, but i can see that I'm in a better place than I was.

"People with CPTSD are often afraid of living life. The benefit of a good therapist is that ultimately, they'll help you get to a place where life isn't something to be afraid of."

This is EXACTLY how I explained it to my GP. I actually said that therapy was about giving me quality of life back and helping me have that life alongside what had happened. He totally got it and usually brings that up every now and again. Thank you for the book recommendations.

Nolonger Hope you are OK. Do something gentle tonight (sorry for the therapist speak). xx

Hello.
I hope you don't mind me joining in.
I was dx with complex PTSD a couple of years ago and had EMDR. I found it transforming but still have anxiety issues. I am so much better than I was.
Mine came out of my DD's illness and eventual death. I was made worse by a brush with SS and probably started by the incredibly stressful time we had when fostering and adopting my DS.
I didn't realise until the EMDR how much that had compounded stuff I carried from childhood.

Sorry I haven't read all of your posts. I will do that when the kids are in bed

Hi First Welcome, sorry to read about your daughter. It's good to read that you've felt the EMDR has helped. Looking forwards to getting to know you.

Sorry I've not contributed much to the thread, but I am reading and listening and thinking.

Creating that post about people with CPTSD living bring afraid of living life really resonates. I feel like my life has got smaller and smaller. I'd like that to change but I think it's going to take some doing. The effort of appearing "normal" exhausts me.

I've just started specialist therapy though so am hopeful for positive change. Will keep reading and reflecting. Thanks again to all the brave posters on here .

Hello everyone, I'm very interested to have found this thread. I recently started seeing a psychologist privately for what I thought would be a short course of CBT for anxiety however, in doing so I have realised that things may not be so straightforward. I wonder if I may have c-PTSD as a result of longstanding sibling abuse due to mental illness but I don't want the psychologist to feel I am telling her her job, especially as I work in healthcare! My family also have the "oh, come on it wasn't that bad" attiude.

A lot of the things people talk about on here resonate with me. Freezing in work situations was why I initially sought help. I don't mind supermarkets (as long as I have a list) however, I hate shopping in town when it's busy and I get quite worked up when driving. Also the bit about catastrophising (spelling??) but when a crisis actually hits, I'm incredibly calm. Anyway, glad to read everyone's experiences and I will be following the post with interest.

Welcome MrsDV. I'm so sorry for your loss (I've always been very moved by your posts about your beautiful DD).

Also sorry that you are treading this path with us, but very glad to hear you had positive results with EMDR.

Hi flippinada, it's good to know you're with us. I hope your therapy goes well, when you feel stronger or more focused please do let us know how you're getting on.

Hi Kaffkooks and welcome.

I'm sorry to hear of your circumstances. I was also abused by a sibling with mental health issues. I don't know about you, but I'm often left going round in circles with the implication that it was 'no one's fault' or just one of those things.

If you ever want to talk in more depth about that specifically feel free to PM me (though I totally understand if you don't want to).

I just know how hard abuse is to deal with generally. Throw in the added element of the perpetrator being a child or adolescent (at what age ARE they responsible for their behaviour and how come we weren't protected from them?) Add the perpetrator having mental health issues (and it's not easy growing up as the sibling of someone with mental health issues anyway) and it all becomes really hard to unpick..

I will do pepsi and thank you. again for starting the thread :)

MrsDV I too remember your lovely posts about your DD

Thank you for the welcome.
I am sorry that you are all enduring this awful condition.

I remember one of my therapists saying to me 'it must be exhausting to be you'. PTSD/Anxiety disorders ARE exhausting. Nothing is simple or easy. Everything is a challenge. YY to that 'trying to appear normal'.
I tried so hard that no one around me actually realised how ill I was. One of my closest friends was amazed to find out I had anxiety issues let alone complex ptsd.

I do feel so much better and I hope that everyone on this thread will one day. It its possible and I don't say that in a minimising way. I thought 'this is the way I am' and was prepared to spend the rest of my life living on that razor's edge.
I won't say I am laid back now and I still have flare ups/relapses but its not the constant terror it once was. I can even plan ahead now!

I'm ok thanks guys it seems to have settled down again since talking to DH last night when he got in from work. He tried to be supportive but it's tricky as he blames himself for the trauma and finds it hard to hear (and accept) how bad it really was for me.

Welcome new people

Hi, I'm taking the plunge after lurking, and joining this thread.
I've been diagnosed with cptsd after childhood events and a long, abusive marriage. Well 2 of those.

I've recently started EMDR therapy which has been enlightening and helpful. I'd realised, with some distance from STBXH just how affected I am by all these things. Fuck knows how I function but somehow I do.

I just read upthread about the catastrophising but being calm in a real crisis, yep, I do that too.

I also have horrific nightmares, anxiety - although I've only realised that's what it is in the last 2 or 3 weeks (how long I've been having therapy), emotional numbing and detachment(or something, not quite sure what it is).

This is quite hard to write about and I am on my lunch break but I will check back in. I often feel horrible exposed after sharing anything at all on Mn or elsewhere but I think this thread is enlightening and supportive.

I didn't realise how badly affected by things I am, thought I was doing ok-ish but I wasn't living at all, just being stoical.

Just hearing the word 'catastrophising' was freeing for me. Having a word for what I did was really helpful.
I have been described as 'stoic' by someone. If only they knew what was going on in my head!
Bloody hell. I spent over 10 years thinking it was only me.

Hello
I saw this thread last week and I've been meaning to post, I've read some of it in depth and skimmed the rest.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD I don't know whether it is complex or not last August.

I'll try to be brief but I had a few years of awful, life changing incidents that happened to me; close family bereavements and that sort of thing.
Then I was attacked in August 2015, I won't go into the details.
I tried to keep going with my life and my career, as a single parent I had to bring the money in.
Finally in February 2016 I had a breakdown of sorts and tried to take my own life a few times.

My local mental health team have been poor. There are lots of drugs I can't take because I have a reaction to them.
I'm back at work now and can't take time off to have therapy, besides, the therapy would bring it all to the surface again and may trigger a further breakdown.

I get up every morning, put my face on and go to work.
I go to exercise class three times a week.
I meditate as often as I can.

Trouble is, I'm stuck.
I'm fairly stable now but I can't seem to make that final step to being well again.
If anyone can recommend a way to help myself get better, properly better, a book or anything that would help me to reorganise my thinking so I don't have the nightmares/daymares then I'd be pitifully grateful.

Thank you for starting this thread.
I'm wishing everyone the best

Welcome new people for you all

Yuck, I feel bleugh. Overwhelming nausea since these flashbacks started yesterday, feel like I've been hit by a truck. 😭 have rung in sick today.

Nolonger so sorry to hear that. You have posted some really helpful things for others on here too. Have you tried all your usual tricks? Meditation, exercise, yoga etc? I do hope it passes

I suspect, like many on here I am postponing taking the next step into admitting the C PTSD and tackling it with a formal diagnosis and treatment. Open the box!!! I will go back to resolving my physical health problems and then re-visit here when I am physically/mentally stronger. Whenever that is .

Keep going everyone. I am watching and reading and learning so much!

Whether I want to or not Cheers pepsi

Lostgarden, it sounds like you are in the early stages of starting to realise how much things have affected you. How are you finding EMDR? The psychologist I'm seeing isn't trained in it as I didn't realise PTSD was the issue when I started. I wonder if I should find someone different but I feel we have started a fairly good therapeutic relationship.

Really hard day at work today. Lots of new people at work so I'm fairly exhausted. Someone further up the thread said they get exhausted from the hypervigilance, maybe that's what this is. Also worried I was being really grumpy and they're all going to hate working with me. I didn't see psychologist last week as we were away visiting my family and I didn't make an appointment for this week as I knew work would be busy. I'm starting to wonder if that was a mistake but I don't want to be reliant on seeing her.

Marbelous, glad to hear you're coping but I know what you mean about being stuck. Someone mentioned some books further up the thread but it might be worth talking to your mental health team about a psychology referal. It'll take ages which might mean you'll have enough holiday/sick days to use by the time you actually get there. I was wondering today if I should take some sick leave to deal with all this, especially as work is where I struggle however, that would mean I would have to involve my GP and I don't want to do that.

It's nice to know that it's not just me that has all these thoughts.

Thanks knot, have just got back from the gym, did some meditation last night too. Have booked in with therapist for later this week.

Marbelous just quickly. Your employer has to give you time off to attend therapy (I am pretty sure this is enshrined somewhere in law). Sorry to read about what you have gone through, but welcome to the thread.

Nolonger sending love, hope you are OK, just read that you've been to the gym. Do you use insighttimer? I've found it really useful.

Lost Welcome. Quite a lot resonates with me from what you wrote.

So I promised myself I was done with relationships and now I have been asked out on a date. So this is going to leads to days / weeks of disordered dissociation whilst I decide to go, or not to go (this is the whole reason I decided I was done with relationships).

I feel like such a fucktard.