Just wondered if anyone with PTSD/Complex PTSD fancied a chat?

[pepsiandshirley]

I've accepted I'min this for the longish haul, have a great therapist, get out and do plenty of exercise, spend time in green spaces, stay positive etc etc.

But I'd just love to speak to someone/anyone else who understands what a bitch trauma is (any kind, whatever the cause - trauma is trauma!)

Hello and welcome bookworm.

Sorry to hear you're also a member of the shit childhood/shit birth cohort.

I think you hit the nail on the head here:

"I think that PTSD symptoms after a traumatic or emergency birth are considered so normal that no one seems to see them as a problem and they're just shoved under the pnd umbrella"

I wish this was considered separately from general PND...especially as trauma in childhood makes people vulnerable to later trauma, the approach should be different. I didn't need help with depression, I needed help specifically with trauma - they are such different things.

Sorry to hear about all these experiences.

In terms of what to say to a GP I've never seen one about it. The health visitor said I had ptsd but no help available and she just photocopied a newspaper article for me about it

Anyway I got treatment when I was pregnant with DD. The hospital has a natural birth policy and I was pressured to VBAC throughout. I broke down in front of a consultant midwife who referred me. I do wonder if this was part of their vbac agenda but the emdr therapist recommended whatever I wanted to do.
She also said there are very few EMDR professionals in the country.
So it was more luck and circumstance that got me referred. Which probably isn't that useful sorry.

pepsi you are so right about needing to see a therapist who specialises in trauma. The councellor I saw first told me that traditional talking therapies can actually retraumatise you and make things worse. She felt out of her depth and refered me on to a psychologist through work (so not a trauma specialist ) and I found this definately retraumatised me. The therapist I saw privately was an NLP ( neurolinguistic programming ) therapist who tailored my treatment for trauma and the difference was dramatic and instant.

I had a traumatic birth, PND, and my mother refused to speak to me ever again all within a month. When I asked for counselling with the NHS my counseller told me to pick ONE issue to talk about and then I'd have to join the waiting list again to get another 6 sessions.

Thank you for the welcome. I get how needing help with trauma and depression are different but it felt to me like trauma was considered a symptom of PND rather than an individual thing. There were support groups for PND but nothing for birth trauma. Which I think is disgusting in this day and age.

I totally agree pretend bookworm - sorry I think my previous response to you suggested that I was conflating your reflections on how post-birth trauma is treated with your view being that it's part of the pnd umbrella.

I emphatically understand that you're saying the opposite and am I total agreement - being traumatised is entirely different from having PND, as you rightly say.

It's weird, but I knew that something was 'up' with me post dc1 but was so used to trauma (child abuse/2 x traumatic incidences in teens/rape all being part of my history before that point) that I was very used to putting trauma to one side and I actually felt that I functioned better as a mother with PTSD than I personally would have as a mother with PND.

That is in no way to say that I wish my PTSD hadn't happened, but I guess more of an anecdote as to how PTSD and PND are different..

That is so very said that you were told to pick one issue bookworm.

I've been in private therapy roughly every five days for the past year...how many sessions is that?! And I haven't even reached my birth trauma yet..

It's a long haul.

No longer that's interesting about your experiences and I'm glad you found the right therapist.

I was v lucky that the therapist I chose for 'depression' was a trauma specialist but it was quite by chance..

I'm also very lucky that I happened to have met the therapist I saw privately through work. I bumped into him again whilst I was poorly and mentioned my PTSD and went through some techneques in the 5-10 mins we had then, they made a huge difference, so I booked in see him privately.

I'm a big believer in fate.

Theres such huge gaps in MH therapy on the NHS. My GP didn't even refer me because I had access through work. She told me that she could refer me for cbt but there would be a long wait, there was no mention of trauma therapy. She asked for the details of the therapist I saw though to offer to other trauma patients as a private option. It sounds like there is a big gap for PTSD in general on the NHS.

That's great that you were able to find such an effective therapist nolonger..

I agree re: trauma and the NHS provision. It's like we're more open to treating depression and anxiety when it seemingly has no trigger. When there's a root cause it's harder to access treatment. So odd, as trauma IS so infinitely treatable.

Anyone still chatting? Lost a long post this morning and not well enough to write again

I've been diagnosed with severe ME/CFS and wonder if it is connected to having C-PTSD for years? I've been reading about pp's here and their hyper-vigilance, high energy and childhood traumas and suspect I have had C-PTSD or a long time.......which has never been diagnosed or treated. Repeated counselling & CBT has not even touched the sides.

Additional unexpected traumas in adolescence and adulthood has just layered up and I have now physically crashed. After a few years of being housebound, I'm wondering whether the adrenaline and stress of C-PTSD is delaying my recovery?

www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?tag=mumsnetforum-21

This book is very interesting, although my brain is struggling with it.

This one is brilliant, but I expect you've heard of it as most of you seem to be further down the line than I am.

www.amazon.co.uk/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Now I just need to find myself a good therapist . Might have to be a home visiting one too!

I forgot. I also really struggled with trauma after the (textbook) fast birth of my DD. I wonder why that was? Are we too hypersensitive? How can we tone it down?

Am interested in pp's discussing Propranolol and Mirtazapine. I have really bad palpitations with the ME/CFS and wondering if it's all connected and taking something like this would help.

Hi wood, good to 'meet' you.

I, too, have heard of links to trauma, esp CPTSD and ME, as well as others chronic health conditions such as Fibromyalgia.

I'm sorry to hear that your body is now also struggling, I have the body keeps the score on my list to read, when I am better and more able to cope with reading about trauma. Reading about trauma reactions often sets off trauma reactions in me, which is a real shame as education is a big help in my recovery. When I am less hypervigilant I'll give it a go, thanks for the recommendations.

I think birth in itself is traumatic anyway, and no matter how fast is never without pain, it's not surprising it might set us back in fight or flight mode (esp if you have have history or physical or sexual abuse).

I'm very hypervigilant this week, which I know is due to stuff I'm covering in therapy. I have a therapy appt at 4 and I think we're going to the impact of events scale to try to measure where I am now...At least I'll be able to see the progress I'm making from this particularly low point I'm in at the moment.

Keep posting woodknotbelieveit, we're here and understand.

Just to say I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition straight after coming out of hypervigilance when I dealt with one of my single incident traumas last year. I'm sure there's a link...my body was so stressed.

Thank you so much pepsi. Good Luck with your appointment.

Name changed as I find it difficult to discuss and only my DP and therapist know :) but used this name once before when I had my diagnosis.

I have PTSD it is evil.

I was in a relationship of ten years that was psychological abusive but caused me to hurt myself by not eating. I finally got out of that and was walking from a tube station one day where I was violently assaulted by two 15 year old girls, I was very badly hurt and then found out that their previous victim had their face smashed through a glass window, I was never the same again.

Mine was discovered and diagnosed as complex, when I started seeing a therapist after my fourth miscarriage - she diagnosed me, as having PTSD from that too. I had a very traumatic experience with my first miscarriage and the following six caused me lots of problems, I now relive that first miscarriages every time I have a period (still TTC) i feel every ounce of pain over and over again and I find I can't stop crying.

I am due to start intensive regression type therapy with my therapist next week, I am petrified, just writting about here has me shaking, wanting to be sick and I've had three flashbacks :(

This thing is pure evil, I wouldn't wish it on anybody, I have a very rare genetic medical condition that causes a heart rate increase regularly and it is a constant trigger.

I think this little part of MN may help,

I'm sorry so many others have this too, but I'm glad to have found you, I feel so alone in this I am struggling a lot today, I just keep crying so sorry for being doom and gloom

Hi, another PTSD'er here. Sorry to hear of your experiences. Mine was also following a horrific birth, and I believe linked to a rape in my teens.

I did have EMDR therapy a few years ago now, and am generally OK day-to-day. I do still have periods of being hypervigilant, tearful, repeating the scenario again and again in my head etc. Is PTSD ever fully "cured"?

I've also read about trauma being connected to autoimmune conditions, so sorry you are going through that too Wood. I can't say that I'm surprised, I can feel the physical toll just as much as the emotional when I'm having an episode. I wish the NHS would put more funding towards mental health issues.

Complex, so sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment.

I can't say that the regressive therapy is easy, it will be a slog. Make sure you take some time to rest and recuperate after each session if you can. It can (and did) have huge benefits for me, despite being very hard work. Keep ploughing through it, you've come so far and it might just be the light at the end of your tunnel.

ComplexPTSD I am so sorry to read that. You poor thing. No wonder you are anxious about 'intensive regression'. Interesting about your MC's. I too have had lots of MC's which I found very traumatic. I'm so relieved (sorry!) to read that you still struggle with periods. I can relate

I wish I could say more to help. I do hope your DP is supporting you through this. It's really tough not being able to discuss it in RL.

Good luck with your therapy. I know a much older person with (un-diagnosed) C-PTSD and she is an absolute nightmare!!! At least we have recognised it and are starting to face it, however difficult it is. I don't want to be running anymore, looking back over my shoulder and waiting for it all to catch up with me!

According to my lovely therapist, you can change your brain memory patterns - not sure if it is a cure. I can't remember what I'm doing is called, but she has said nearly all her patients after they have done it, sigh a massive sigh of relief, and that the "stuckness" does change, as your memory no longers remembers it in a way where it controls you, you control the memory. Just the thought of being able to walk out that room and sigh with relief makes me burst into tears - I would cut off my arms to find peace.

I hope with all my heart this happens as I cannot live like this for much longer, I am so lucky to have such a wonderful supportive person in my life, but at times I have such awful flashbacks I don't even know where I am, it's awful, I feel so ashamed and embarrassed.

I have locked myself in my bedroom today to feel safer, it's quieter and every single noise makes me jump, this is no way to live a life, no way at all.

I haven't read any books, thank you for the links :) I also haven't taken medication, I am very limited with what I can take because of my chronic medical condition, but I'm starting to think maybe some medication will help, I'm alone this evening and I know that I will just not sleep because of feeling so on edge, and my home made sleep spray is unlikely to help.

I stupidly had two glasses of wine last night, my first in months because it was a special occasion and it's made me a thousand times worse

I'm going to change name to something nice

Littlegreymeow - it's much nicer :)

Am also holed up in bedroom. You are not alone!

Ok that's better :) sorry for being all doom and gloom, such a hard day today.

I have ovulation pain and each tweak is distressing, I never used to get this I now have about four days a month where I feel normal.

WoodNot it took me ages to realise that was why I was getting so distraught each month, you can't avoid the trigger if it's your own body, it feels so unfair and cruel.

The plan for me was to deal with the attack next week which happened seven years ago but talking to my lovely partner last night after I had an episode, happening a lot leading up to next Thursday, I think I want to deal with the MC, DP said I kept talking about parts of that when I disappeared last night and I think it was ovulation pain related, but also I'm so desperate for a baby so I think about it all the time.

I am just so grateful to have discovered I have it, im 40 nearly, abuse happened for my 20's, attack early 30's so I want to have some life before I'm too old!

I have been able to cope more already just by understanding myself a bit better, it also means DP can help me a bit more, I was pushing him away terribly and didn't understand why, now he sprays me with this homemade sleep spray like a naughty 🙀 cat! and it brings me back into the moment and he just tells me I'm not going to die, I feel like I am going to die when this happens it's horrible.

I am not saying the bedroom is a bad place to be, but I feel like I should be downstairs doing things, or out in the world living

I end up feeling so guilty the next day, DP is away today and tonight, but when I tell him I feel guilty for not doing anything he can't see or understand why.

It's so horrible isn't it! But my god it feels good not feel so alone in this, and I wouldn't want anyone to have it but I feel slightly less crazy reading this thread.

Try guided meditations on YouTube? I'm rubbish at meditation, but some of these bring me down & regulate my HR. Offering virtual handhold for later I'm on my own later too.

healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2016/06/22/emotional-flashbacks-due-to-complex-trauma-lilly-hope-lucario/

Emotional flashbacks? I get them too but not as powerfully