Just wondered if anyone with PTSD/Complex PTSD fancied a chat?

[pepsiandshirley]

I've accepted I'min this for the longish haul, have a great therapist, get out and do plenty of exercise, spend time in green spaces, stay positive etc etc.

But I'd just love to speak to someone/anyone else who understands what a bitch trauma is (any kind, whatever the cause - trauma is trauma!)

That sounds hard kaffkooks the thing is though your body/mind knows what happened and can't heal without you addressing the trauma in therapy. I can see why its tough though. DH feels guilty that his condition caused myPTSD and sometimes minimilises it which pisses me off. I just keep telling myself thats his way of coping.

kaffkooks and Nolonger having PTSD or any mental health condition minimised is incredibly frustrating but it is as legitimate as a broken leg or the flu or any other illness.
If other people are minimising I think that's more about their feelings of guilt at your suffering than it is about you but it is very frustrating when others do it.

kaff that's what therapy does to some extent, it brings things to the surface.
If it helps and it might not following my complete breakdown last year although I didn't have therapy I am much stronger now than I was before. I'm better at avoiding others who are not good for me as much as I can, I'm better at saying 'no' and better and telling myself that their own prejudices are theirs and not a reflection on me.
I hope it goes well today.

This thread is such an eye opener for me. I'm reading along thinking "yes, me too" which is not my usual experience!

Pretty much all my life I've just felt like I'm on the outside looking in, wishing I could be "normal" (whatever that is). To give an example, I don't conversations with anyone I don't know and trust (so not many people) to be absolutely excruciating. I feel like they're looking for a way to catch me out (even if they aren't) and am on high alert until the conversation ends. It makes life very difficult sometimes - things like job interviews are an absolute minefield, as you can imagine.

It's very validating and quite comforting to realise it's not just me.

kaffkooks I've had the experience of being dismissed when trying to talk about past trauma. It's so frustrating. My family's favourite phrase when I've tried to open up conversations is "oh well, you can't change the past".

Well, no you can't, but putting in a box marked "don't talk about this" isn't helpful either!

Hello everyone , I wonder if I could join in the thread?
I had a meltdown yesterday and was triggered into a flashback and had to drive off in my car for a few minutes. I posted on relationships and had mixed responses but couldn't post in a coherent way I suppose.
Background is a lot of cumulative events and traumatic bereavements in the last few years and a mother who caused a lot of problems for me in childhood and then as an adult. I had an episode of trauma that I just sort of survived a few years ago and threw myself into work. A year ago I was bullied and everything fell apart. I still get up and go to work but have come very close to time off sick obover the last few months.
I am not sure how much my therapy has helped- I had emdr some years ago straight after the event, but it didn't work, or at least only partly. This time I am having holistic psychotherapy and though it's helped my understanding of my childhood and my whole life, from the trauma point of view I'm not sure how much it's really helped, judging from my melt down yesterday.

HI woollymammoths and welcome.

I'm sorry to hear of the difficult time you are having. It's very hard to get support from others when they don't understand how PTSD feels.

It's good that you're still managing to work - I feel similar to you, I waver between telling work and just carrying on as if everything is ok. I'm 18 months into my job without having come clean to them so I think I'll probably stay as I am, but I really sympathise with how hard it is to carry on some days.

((((( Wooley )))))

Have just posted on your thread on relationships. I thought I was completely better until I triggered myself last weekend . Quickly got booked in with therapist for a boost of IEMT (similar to EMDR ) which seems to have done the trick. If your EMDR was straight after the trauma I wonder if it was too soon? I remember reading an article that found trauma debriefing straight after the event wasn't helpful in preventing development of PTSD.

Wooley I've just had a look at your relationships and my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you had so many insensitive posts, some people just don't think.

Your H sounds awful - a kind, decent person wouldn't behave like that. My XP was a similar character.

Hope you're feeling a little better today .

Wooley I haven't read your post in relationships but your reasons for PTSD sound very similar to mine, although the thing that tipped me over the edge was an event a couple of years ago that would have been enough to give anyone PTSD.

I'm still working too after a hiatus between jobs and I wouldn't ever tell my employer, disability act or not they'd find a way to get rid of me I fear.

I admire your bravery.

I hope everyone has had a good Easter.

I've been feeling a bit better this week, far less hypervigilant, managed to read some books.

I'm back to work tomorrow and trying not to get stressed about it - I've fallen into a pattern of thinking I mess everything up at work. There's no evidence for this and my boss is really happy with me.

I know I'm good at the core bits of my job which are very people orientated but I get myself into a real pickle with anything paperwork orientated. I put it off and really struggle with planning and organising. I'm pretty sure it's a cptsd and I'm trying to hard to improve it.

Unfortunately, whenever I even think of trying to improve my admin and get more organised I go into meltdown. It's the bloody 'easiest' bit of my job and yet I struggle so much with it. I can give a presentation in front on 200 people no problem, but the idea of returning voicemails has me out in a cold sweat. So frustrating!

Hi pepsi,

Glad you are feeling a bit better. I know how frustrating it is when your work is affected. I'm finding concentration and memory the biggest isses for me at work. I have realised I need to write everything down. I'm lucky that work are being really supportive.

Glad you're feeling a bit better pepsi. Sorry to sounds like a broken record here again but me too wrt to struggling with organisation and concentration. It's always been a problem with me

The holidays have been relaxing but that's because I haven't had to go out much and interact with other people apart from DS. The beginning wasn't great as I had a migraine for two days (related to stress of keeping it together at work). I actually find it easier being out with him than on my own - does anyone else have this?

Just back from a fairly awful psychology appointment. She asked me a few fairly benign questions, I got anxious about not being able to answer them then dissociated so we didn't get any further. Only just come back to the present after writing a whole load of stuff down. Struggled to help my husband get the children to bed and have barely spoken to him all evening.

I'm really not sure whether to continue with this/with her. I do like her but I find the whole unstructured, patient guided counselling a bit difficult as I need more structure than that. I constantly worry that I'm talking rubbish and I don't like the fluffy, reassuring platitudes she says to try and calm me down. I wanted to ask her if my issues are related to cPTSD but I think it's really disrespectful to her to self diagnose. It would help me to put a name to what is happening as then I could start to plan how to sort it but maybe that's not how this works. We didn't make another appointment before I left although she said I could email her if I changed my mind. Not sure what to do now.

I had very similar with the psychologist I saw. Eventually I decided that his approach wasn't working and was infact making things worse and changed therapist. I found I would disociate, then he would keep reassuring me about confidentiality and that I could tell him anything, and how I needed to talk to him for him to help me, all the time not realising that I was frozen and couldn't even tell him that was what was happening.

This type of non specific therapy isn't reccommend for PTSD, maybe its worth explaining why you think it could be CPTSD and asking what she thinks. At any rate it doesn't sound like the current approach is working well for you. Is it nhs or private?

It's private. I'm not sure how to go about finding someone else. I'm going through what is considered locally to be the most respected provider of psychological services. I don't want my GP or psych services involved in any of this as part of my issues are with how badly my sister was (and to some extent, still is) managed by mental health teams over many years. I therefore do not trust mental health services. I don't want to offend the woman I'm seeing by demanding to see someone else or telling her what I think might be wrong with me. Possibly the best course of action is to just go and see her and explain all this but that will be very hard.

You could either explain what you think is going on or just that you don't feel like you are making progress with her and ask if theres a different approach you could use. At least when its private its easier to change. I swaped to a different therapist privately and explained why to the origional one and he was just happy I'd found someone who could help. (I started with the new one before stopping with the first as I didn't want to burn my bridges)

Hello all I'm WM. Thankyou for the support and welcome. I felt I needed a name change. Am also changing therapist. I feel as if the therapy process is making me worse, perhaps it will be good to have another opinion. But the new therapist said I had to have finished with the old therapist before she would take me on.
It's a tricky old journey this trauma and therapy lark.

Hi everyone

I think I may have Cptsd too. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression about 7 years ago when I managed to escape an abusive relationship. We were together for 8 years and for almost the entire time he was awful to me and very controlling. He abused me physically, emotionally, financially and sexually throughout our time together. There's a long history of dv in his family and when his parents saw me with bruises etc they would be surprised but then nothing much else as to them it was normal. They were also very controlling towards me, they knew every penny that I got paid and what I spent it on. They picked our first home and also my first car, they were so controlling.

Before that I was in a 3 year on and off relationship, where my ex constantly cheated on me, or would split up with me to get together with the person he was cheating with. After a few weeks he'd dump her to get back with me. This continued for a long time, I clearly had no self respect!

I can't remember much before the age of 10 but that was when my mum left my dad. My sister and I were picked up from school and taken to our new home, completely out of the blue. All of our things were in the new house, literally everything, meaning my dad had nothing not even a fork! Mum's new bf moved in a few weeks later.

I've been nc with my mum for 16 years as she continually put herself and her bf before my sister and I (don't want to go into details). She had a terrible temper and anytime I done anything wrong I was "just like my dad". She constantly threw me out from age 13-15 to live with my dad, then ask me back a couple of weeks later. Although I loved my dad I always went back to her. Moved to my Dad's permanently at age 15. Had no boundaries there as he worked very long hours including night shifts and I took advantage of that

My dad is a good man and always done his best to put my sister and me first (she has been nc with my mum since age 14). But my dad was and is completely unable to show any type of love. I know he loves us but think he's just incapable of expressing or showing it. Never seemed happy when I passed my exams, went to uni or got a job. Can't remember the last time he cuddled me. When I give him a hug (as a thank you for birthday gift etc) I feel him clam up. But I accept this because nobody is perfect.

So, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 7 years ago but it didn't quite fit, medication has never worked. Had NHS counselling and cbt and was almost sectioned. Now have a wonderful counsellor (self funded).

Ptsd was suggested but cptsd just seems to fit. I push people away, hate myself, can't stop thinking about ex and his family. Anytime I do anything I wonder what they would think or say if they knew. I have dreams about them, convince myself I see them when out. I struggle with relationships, friendships and any tiny problem seems like the end of the world to me. Lots of other things too. I really always thought my problems were down to my abusive ex but through counselling I can see that my relationship with my parents has impacted me too.

I know nobody is in a position to diagnose me but does this seem to fit? My counsellor obviously can't diagnose me and I don't think my gp would refer me to a psychiatrist as I'm not acute. I don't know why a diagnosis is so important to me, it's just another label I suppose.

Sorry for the long post, didn't mean that

Hi Duckwalk and welcome . No need to apologise for the lengthy post!

With the proviso that I'm not a mental health professional, it certainly sounds like you could have C-PTSD. Without going in to any detail, my background and diagnosis sounds very similar to yours, if that helps you to make sense of things?

Don't discount asking your GP for a diagnosis either, if you think it would be beneficial.

Hi duckwalk the NICE guidelines for PTSD recommed treatment regardless of the length of time passed since the trauma if I remember right. So it would be worth mentioning that to your GP if they are reluctant to refer you.

Can I join here too? I'd love some advice if anyone can help. I have C-PTSD from both childhood and adult abuse and suffer like everyone here from flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, dissociation. hypervigilance, noise sensitivity...and so it goes on.

At the moment I'm really struggling with heart palpitations. I've had them on and off for years but over the last week it's been literally non stop. I think the longest break I've had from them is maybe 40 minutes. I don't feel super stressed emotionally (well, no more than usual) although I did have a few stressful triggers happen, it's just this physical symptom and it's horrid. My GP is wonderful and knows some of the back story. She's had me wear the holter monitor and I'll get the results next week. Apart from the actual palpitations I am getting occasional left arm/shoulder discomfort that often goes along with anxiety too. Providing it is 'just' anxiety though how do I deal with them? Usually yoga and meditation would calm physical symptoms but nothing seems to be working. Has anyone else had this?

I'm so sorry others are suffering from this horrid monster of a thing but glad there is support here.

Hi unicorns,

I used to get these, EFT (emotional freedom techneque ) was quite helpful in easing them. Since I had the IEMT they have syopped allong with my other symptoms.

So pleased to have happened upon this thread.

I've got a diagnosis of depression/anxiety and am on 30mg of citalopram. I don't feel anxious - not at all, and it's a bit frustrating to have my GP saying " it's anxiety" when I AM NOT ANXIOUS!

Our middle kid has been chronically ill, lots of life threatening episodes which I have dealt with alone because my husband is definitely possibly on the AS spectrum and simply couldn't cope with hospitals.

My symptoms are:
a weird tic - startle reflex, that can start after beeps or buzzing
another weird tic - a head twitch
difficulty finding words
brain fog
sleep problems - either too much or too little
flashbacks - really graphic and detailed, visual and sound. Big emotions
weird visions - so, not flashbacks, but, I can SEE horrible things. For instance, walking along the road I get a flash of one of the kids falling into the road and being squashed by a bus. Or, walking over rocks at a beach, I see one of them slipping and being head injured. We went on a cliff walk, that wasn't a success. I see them choking on the grapes they are eating (they are 9-13, and know to chomp!). I'm not distressed by these images, I know they are not real, they are just nasty and set off my stupid fecking tic.

I've been on the citalopram for a year, and, it has helped - my DH took me to the GP after I didn't sleep for 3 solid nights and was unable to sit without writhing around with the fecking tic. I don't know why it started so acutely, just seemed random. Must have been bad, though, he's never come to the GP/hospital before that time.

But, it's not gone away. It's interfering with family life and my job. And, I am not sure I've got the right diagnosis - particularly because DH and I have been going to marriage counselling (to sort out the "where the fuck were you in the years when our kid was so ill?" thing) and he's been talking about things I've done which I have NO RECOLLECTION OF. None. Nothing at all. I was sure he was lying, but, he never lies, not ever. Therapist thought I was dissociating at the time - so, now I'm wondering if I've forgotten more than I remember.

Anyhoo - I don't have any history of trauma, had a beautifully dull suburban nuclear family upbringing, but, having seen this thread - makes me wonder whether the long term, unpredictable, really quite scary illness has left me with symptoms which aren't actually diagnosed.

Kid's doing fine now. Still under a lot of medical care, but, actually, it's been a better year touch wood, and I wonder if I've just had "space" to fall apart because there's been less of a crisis.

I've made an appointment for next week with a different GP. Am exasperated that the approach is medication and not finding out the REASON for my (alleged) anxiety. Cos, you know, I'm not fecking anxious.

Anyway - question:
With that list of symptoms, should I ask for the GP to consider ruling out PTSD? Or just hope they don't say "you're anxious"?

Wow. That was a bit War and Peace. Oops.

Lots of your symptoms sound familiar to me stealth.

I haven't been on this thread for a while because I had an accident in the home this will probably out me but I had a hospital stay and I'm going to be physically scarred.

The accident was completely out of the blue and it's really ramped up my PTSD symptoms.

As there are only one or two drugs I can take I don't know what I can do about it. The PTSD I mean, I'm receiving medical care for my physical injuries.

Maybe I should increase the dosage of my tablets. I don't want to become suicidal again.