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Original poster

Dh going on a two week business trip - how the hell am I going to cope?

109 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 28/02/2007 08:03

Can I just say first off, I do not want lone parents on here telling me to pull myself together (it happened once before )

Dh informed me last night that he is off on a 2 weeks business trip next week. As the mother of four children with no support anywhere nearby, this would be bad enough (usually by the time dh comes home in the evening, I am more than grateful for the opportunitly to share the parenting load, and at the weekends, dh does his fair share of childcare) but my situation is made 10 time worse by the fact that I live daily with the fear of emetophobia. I cannot give you a strong enough impression of how this phobia affects me. As dh is often away for anight or two, I am beginning to get things under control for those short trips, but for 2 weeks? I have been panicking all night just thinking about it.

I just can't function at all when this phobia kicks in. It doesn't take a vomiting episode for that to happen. Already this morning I have roared at the children as I am so tense.

What on earth am I going to do? I know there is no practical help out there, but I cannot function on Mumsnet without telling you this is what I am going through.

OP posts:
rosylonginglily · 28/02/2007 08:17

It hopefully won't be as bad as you think. I'm alone loads and manage ok as I am used to it but my poor sis goes to pieces when her dh is away. Can you get some nice movies and books in, lots of easy food and take one day at a time...?

Miaou · 28/02/2007 08:18

DG, as soon as I saw the thread title (and your name) I thought of your emetophobia and knew that this is a big deal for you. I'm not an emetophobe but I do understand that this is very difficult to cope with. So you do have my utmost sympathy, fwiw.

Tbh I think the only people who can give you any reassurance on this are other emetophobes - they might be able to give you some tips on coping.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/02/2007 08:21

It is a totally evil and debilitating phobia. I have at least 5 days before dh goes and yet I am sitting here this morning paralysed with the fear of it, tears streaming down my face, and every time I have to look at or speak to my children, I feel panic rising up in me and I am snapping at them left right and centre. I know this behaviour is mine alone to control but I don't know how to.

OP posts:
Berrie · 28/02/2007 08:22

Hello, you're the cheescake girl aren't you! Thanks for the recipe! My DH is going away over Easter for 2 weeeks too and I am dreading it as I also have no-one around. I only have 2 children so I really feel for you. What is emetophobia?

FluffyMummy123 · 28/02/2007 08:22

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Berrie · 28/02/2007 08:23

Is there no-one at all you can call this morning?

FluffyMummy123 · 28/02/2007 08:24

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brimfull · 28/02/2007 08:25

could you have someone on standby to deal with any sickness,a friend perhaps?

rosylonginglily · 28/02/2007 08:33

Well if you could control it yourself you wouldn't have it so I really hope you can find some practical help for dealing with any sickness while your dh is away.
My dh had to go to Pakistan, and I'm about to give birth. Have to admit I haven't been happy but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and he is on his way back now..relief!

nailpolish · 28/02/2007 08:35

i think you need professional help

SauerKraut · 28/02/2007 08:37

I have exactly the same problem- 4 kids, no support, emetophobia and a travelling dh. I agree with Cod that the run-up can be worse than the reality, and no matter how scared you are of them being ill while he's away, if it happens, you will find the strength to cope- I will never cease to be amazed by what one can do when one has no choice. To deal with the horror of the possibility of being ill myself, I keep a supply of anti-emetics handy. They are brilliant. Often, just knowing they are there is enough- if I ever feel bad, I use them. They are called Itinerol B6, I don't know if you can get them in the UK. Since I know so very well how you must be feeling, I would be willing to send you some.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/02/2007 08:38

Emetophobia is the fear of being sick - me and others. No cod, I am not normally sick! Not been sick with a bug for 32 years. TBH, if I thought I was going to be sick, I would probably run screaming and naked down the High Street such would be my hysteria. But the phobia can also means you are afraid of others being sick (eg my children) and that is what practically I fear the most. And no, that is not that common either I know. There is no rationality involved here. As I tell my oldest son when he tries to understand the word phobia, it is an irrational fear.

Regretably I do not have anyone I could call on in an emergency. Even if I knew people round here, it is hard to imagine allowing them to see me in the grips of my phobia. Most people don't know I have it.

I do agree with you cod though in that the waiting for the trip can be worse than the trip itself. I know from my own experience that once dh has gone there is an element of just getting on with things. I also pass the time with constant counting of hours and days, as much sleep as I can get and as much escapism (films and books) as I can fit in between times.

OP posts:
Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/02/2007 08:39

NP, yes I do. I have tried that.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 28/02/2007 08:39

DG have you ever seen a dr about this?

nailpolish · 28/02/2007 08:39

oh x posts

nailpolish · 28/02/2007 08:40

i ttake it it didnt help

do you have anti-emetics in the house? if not, would that reassuure you?

fishie · 28/02/2007 08:43

how do you manage usually when he is at work? presumably it is the nights you are more worried about here? oh dear i am sorry, the fear of the phobia sounds terrible, let alone the phobia. would it help to divide it up like that?

moondog · 28/02/2007 08:46

Ah DG,I often think of you and this.
Look,in the worst case scenario,couldn't your oldest child clean up?

I really think you need to confide in a friend so that you have back up if something does happen (which is highly unlikely.)

slalomsuki · 28/02/2007 08:51

I have three kids and dh goes away round the world on business often. I find that thinking about it before hand makes it worse and me depressed. I try to organise things to do even if its just a trip to Mcdonalds for tea which takes the pressure off me. We have no relatives near us so I am on my own.

I can't give you any advice on how to get through it just to say you will somehow. I don't know if you have some friends nearby who can help of if there are any other mumsnetters you know who can relieve the 24/7 pressure.

Judy1234 · 28/02/2007 08:53

Various options...he may not really need to be away for 2 weeks. SOmeone else at work could go. Many business poeple ensure these trips are longer than they need to be so they get all those nights' rest in hotels, much more entertaining than needed. May be possible to do it by video conference call from England.

Secondly you could insist you go with him as accomoanying person for a holiday and make him pay for childcare for the children so you both get a break.

Thirdly try to get some CBT - therapy if you can ASAP for the condition which might help if you haven't tried it.

Fourthly hire a cheap student or au pair for the 2 weeks to come in an help you if finances allow.

FluffyMummy123 · 28/02/2007 08:53

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FluffyMummy123 · 28/02/2007 08:54

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Bozza · 28/02/2007 09:00

DG how old are your DCs now? How often do they get sick? DS who is 6 has not been sick for 3 years.

Bugsy2 · 28/02/2007 09:12

DG, I think you need to get some help. This is an irrational fear that you need to get sorted out, as it is inhibiting your daily life. Have you been to your GP or tried counselling?
I really feel for you - there is nothing worse than fear. It is paralysing.
How about you sit down & make a plan of how you will manage the weeks while he is away. Sometimes by writing something down, you can take the fear out of it.
Whereabouts are you? If you are in the London area & one of your kids is sick, I'll come & help you. Not a big fan or puke, but I'd be happy to help.

speedymama · 28/02/2007 09:15

I would echo what Xenia said about hiring in some help if you can. Students on nursery nurse courses are always looking for placements or what about a mother's help?

Also, you can get emergency childcare help from here .

Also, if you can, go for walks during the day as the fresh air will rejuvenate you.

Good luck!