Dh going on a two week business trip - how the hell am I going to cope?

[DumbledoresGirl]

Can I just say first off, I do not want lone parents on here telling me to pull myself together (it happened once before )

Dh informed me last night that he is off on a 2 weeks business trip next week. As the mother of four children with no support anywhere nearby, this would be bad enough (usually by the time dh comes home in the evening, I am more than grateful for the opportunitly to share the parenting load, and at the weekends, dh does his fair share of childcare) but my situation is made 10 time worse by the fact that I live daily with the fear of emetophobia. I cannot give you a strong enough impression of how this phobia affects me. As dh is often away for anight or two, I am beginning to get things under control for those short trips, but for 2 weeks? I have been panicking all night just thinking about it.

I just can't function at all when this phobia kicks in. It doesn't take a vomiting episode for that to happen. Already this morning I have roared at the children as I am so tense.

What on earth am I going to do? I know there is no practical help out there, but I cannot function on Mumsnet without telling you this is what I am going through.

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DG I wondered if this was your thread.

I agree with Blu et al - please try to talk to your GP, print this thread if neccesary and give it to him/her.

You have to keep on trying.

(I will be around later this afternoon if you want to chat)

OK. I rang the GP's surgery. I said I wanted an appt with whichever GP was best with mental health problems. Frosty receptionist melted before me and said she couldn't advise, they were all sympathetic but said the routine was to ring at 8 in the morning for an appt that day (you cant pre-book appts anymore ) or have the GP ring you back during the day and they had some appts left over they could allocate today if need be. I said, I didn't think I was an emergency who needed to be seen today but I had had to psych myself up to ring at all and didn't like the idea of ringing again tomorrow at 8. So she very kindly told me a GP would ring me this afternoon: even noted down the times I will be out as dss are in the local eisteddfod.

So now I am waiting for a phone call. Did I do well? I hope whoever it is rings soon as I cried and cried after putting the phone down after speaking to receptionist, so I don't really hold out much hope that I will get through the GP conversation without crying and I don't want my children overhearing me.

well done dg

agree the answer has to lie with a decent gp who will listen and then know where to refer you

btw i found this site
despite the pic it is not apparently a dating agency

Message withdrawn

You did brilliantly. GPs (and their receptionists) are used to people crying and it's very normal to cry when you take the first steps in getting help with something like this.

Well done you! Pat on the back and a cup of tea (if you have time... )

oh yes the only way to break through the icy barrier of gp receotionsists (and i should know - mil is one) is to allow them to witness your unhappiness/distress. sad but true. previously evil witch (not mil) became putty in my hands after i had mini-collapse in surgery when i had my ectopic pg

can you go upstairs to take the call so the kids won't hear?

Crikey re that site! I have come across a few, but none with a wedding picture on the homepage. So two emetophobes married did they? Huh! What hope have they got when their children are ill?

Does anyone detect that DG holds out no hope of a cure? Anyway, thanks for your support and for getting me on to the GP again. I will let you know what happens later.

Hmm, depends where I am if I can take call upstairs. Unfortunately, the Telewest answer phone cuts in if the phone is not answered within 4 rings (not my doing and I don't know how to change that) so I have to grab whichever phone is nearest.

Best I can do is pre-warn children that when the phone rings they are to go away and leave me to talk privately.

WELL DONE DG (am I allowed to be patronisingly proud?) I know it's awful asking for help (I made dh come with me to GP when I went about panic attacks) I saw a CBT therapist and one thing that really stuck in my mind was her saying 'what is the worst thing that could happen' ie if I paniced and when I tried to verbalise what was worrying me it sounded so silly. It took me a while to sort out but I haven't had one for ages now (apart from when I was very ill at the end of last year but I don't count that as I was hospitalised the next day!) I know it's not the same thing but I just wanted to say the therapy helped. Good luck with the call this afternoon.

OOh, it's danceswithnewboots if you don't recognise the cunning name shortening

Well done DG for ringing the GP. Don't worry about crying. You are at your wit's end with this and of course you will cry. Also if you go in all calm and collected the doc may never get a feel for just HOW bad this makes you feel.

Hope they call you back soon.

Oh thanks for explaining who you are Doots. I knew you must be a shortened name, but I am not thinking too clearly tody and couldn't work out who you were.

Yes Budababe, IIRC last time, it took some persuading to convince the GP and the CPN that I had a real problem. I a sitting here trying to envisage how the conversation will go. All I can think of to say is it is utterly ruining my entire life but I can't explain how.

Good luck for the phone call, thinking of you

ooooooh DG, I am queen of phobias . If you want to chat, feel free to get hold of me.

Wrt your dh going away. I find focusing on the positives helps so
-pile in the food that you love and he hates
-plan lots of nights watching exactly the sort of TV you like
-lots of early nights reading books and having baths
-being generally slobby round the house (we're like this anyway, but you can slob even more on your own)

DG - you did really, really well!! Not only making the call but looking after yourself and your needs by saying that the 'call back tomorrow' option wasn't ok for you.

Look, if the Dr rings while the kids are there, you can always say 'can you hang on while I go to another room'. Doctors, of all people, are used to people needing privacy for their calls.

Well done for phoning. If you dread starting the conversation with the GP could you write a note - just to start things off without upsetting yourself? I know it might feel daft handing over a note but it might just get you over the first bit? Good luck with the appointment. Ask if there is anyone you can phone if you get very anxious while Dh is away

you know what DG, phobias are irrational things really aren't they (but your mind tricks you into thinking you're in real danger) hence the irrational hatred of your dh for going away and it's also PERFECTLY normal to be unable to visualise yourself being cured because no doubt, your phobia dominates your life and it's taken control of you.

Even just calling the GP is a massive first step - well done you! Really, you can only go onwards and upwards from here.

So glad you called DG. Make a few notes for yourself before the doctor phones this afternoon - so you don't panic & go blank.

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DG, are you in Bradley Stoke/ Stoke Gifford area? I'm around there if you wanted a MNetter on standby for the fortnight.

One of the most impressive things I have seen in a long time is the "Paul Mckenna"/NLP technique for dealing with Phobias, whre you do all sorts of things to re-programme your brain's view of the phobia, e.g. by imagining yourself watching it on a cinema screen, backwards, with Benny Hill music playing! Also a lot of "spin the blue"...to make you feel calm about your specific trigger. It seems VERY effevtive, and very quick, as CBT therepy would take months I imagine. If you are interested there are lots of websites that will help, just Google. He maintains that phobias are simply the brain's over reaction to a trigger event, usually in childhood, and that the brain can easily be re-programmed. It seemed very successful.

Bloody well done for making that call DG

How are you? Has the doctor phoned yet?

just wondering how it went dg