Dh going on a two week business trip - how the hell am I going to cope?

[DumbledoresGirl]

Can I just say first off, I do not want lone parents on here telling me to pull myself together (it happened once before )

Dh informed me last night that he is off on a 2 weeks business trip next week. As the mother of four children with no support anywhere nearby, this would be bad enough (usually by the time dh comes home in the evening, I am more than grateful for the opportunitly to share the parenting load, and at the weekends, dh does his fair share of childcare) but my situation is made 10 time worse by the fact that I live daily with the fear of emetophobia. I cannot give you a strong enough impression of how this phobia affects me. As dh is often away for anight or two, I am beginning to get things under control for those short trips, but for 2 weeks? I have been panicking all night just thinking about it.

I just can't function at all when this phobia kicks in. It doesn't take a vomiting episode for that to happen. Already this morning I have roared at the children as I am so tense.

What on earth am I going to do? I know there is no practical help out there, but I cannot function on Mumsnet without telling you this is what I am going through.

Well done you for making the call, DG!
Let us know how you get on.

Thanks everyone. Your response is overwhelming. Well, the GP rang and was lovely - all I hoped for. Totally understanding and very easy to talk to. He made me an appt today at 5 which I eagerly anticipated.

But then, oh dear, rather a let down. Although he was understanding, he didnd't really have any practical advice to offer. he has put me down for three sessions of group therapy for learning techniques to control anxiety but they could happen sometime never iyswim.

He also mentioned the possibility of seeing a private counsellor but to wait for the group therapy thing first.

Other than that, his suggestions were pretty limited. Eg he asked if I could ask my 10 year old to help out in an emergency. I know some of you have suggested that but that seems hard on the boy. Anyway, as the GP quickly gathered, most of my fear comes in the anticipation of the event and fear of catching it myself rather than dealing with the aftermath.

One hopeful note though: he did tell me there were very few incidences of sickness or diarrhoea going round the locality at the moment so he said the chances of one of my children getting ill was minimal.

He was sweet and kind - that was nice - but also, sadly a bit useless. Or am I being harsh? I just want someone to take control of my mind and fix it and as he said, there is no-one who can do that but me.

Olihan, thanks for offering: can you look after sick children? I am in Thornbury btw.

Oh and Paul McKenna - I had his free relaxation CD from then paper the other week. I keep meaning to play it. Maybe next week will be a good time to try it?

Oh what a shame, at least he didn't dismiss it though. Group therapy is fine btw, sounds scary but it's not, everyone has their own stuff to deal with it so when I did it I certainly didn't feel judged.

Yes, I feel like I won't get enough attention in group therapy, but thinking further, that might be a good thing. Make me feel less self conscious maybe?

And I would like to meet other people with other problems - maybe I could help.

No, no, you're there to get help It's just a gentle way to ease into therapy I think. One to one sessions are great because once you've got vaguely near what the problem is in group you can start pinpointing it and find ways to deal with it.

Hi Dumbledoresgirl,

I don't post here often, but felt I had to pitch in! A good friend of mine has this awful phobia and she has undergone CBT successfully. Her phobia started as a teenager. She coped alone with her fears (which also included being sick in a public place) for ten years then had a meltdown on the way to work one morning (all those people, their germs + what if she was sick herself). Went home and closed the door for 4 months. Since therapy she is back at work and able to get on with her life .....

Because of her history I recognised my daughter's symptoms immediately when she started having problems early last year (started as panic attacks in public places - she was worried she was going to be sick in front of strangers - at one point she spent a week just sobbing in her room, unable to go to school or see friends. Her andrenalin levels were so high that she felt nauseous the whole time, which of course is worse case scenario!).

Like you DG she is rarely sick - infact even if whole family is down with a virulent bug she seems to command herself to remain in control. The few times she has been sick its been once and that was that. She gets tearful if her siblings are sick as she thinks they must be distraught. DS1 was sick on Kensington High Street on Saturday and I thought she was going to collapse with the shock! 12 months ago we couldn't have taken her to London.

Anyway, if you've got thus far, I wanted to let you know that I got her refered to a Child Psychologist (because my friend strongly recommeded it and because I /we didn't like the anti-emetic drugs). He judged that she had already worked out small routines/rationalisations for herself and he felt she would be fine. Apparently its common to fill empty spaces in your day with phobic thoughts - 'what if I'm sick in front of everyone', 'what if they're sick','she looks ill - what will I catch...' and in addition to her own techniques he talked her through filling that space - using her own images/words or by simply describing things around herself so that she makes white noise ... DD2 does this and also coaches herself through situations e.g what she wants to do, what could happen, then arms herself with anything that makes her feel confident.

What had seemed to help in wait for appointment was a trip to a homeopath who treated her personality - whether she was just relieved to be taken seriously or not, she responded to treatment (and is now presented as a case study)and is able to go to school, sit exams and be in public places without stressing about being sick.

Hope this lets you see that interventions do work

Kind Regards

What a lovely, positive post

DDG - this is one small part of your life/personality that is obviously having a catastrophic effect on your whole existence. I can't get over the difference between our chat yesterday and how you are feeling today

I really would get in a car and drive to help you or someone else in this position if that would reassure you - trouble is I'm too far away I think - if you're just North of Bristol it would take about 2.5 hours so not very practical.

I bet there are others on here who would offer to be on standby for you

DG, im around on MSN, please feel free to contact, Im under going CBT for emetophobia!

DG, Thornbury isn't far - 10 mins or so, I've got 3 dcs and used to be a Y3 teacher (in Thornbury, funnily enough!) so I can do sick wih no problems!! I don't mind, if you want me!

Sounds as though things are moving in the right direction for you - I hope you can find a way of living with it more easily.

PB, I have tried to contact you on msn and you appear online to me, but all my posts have been returned to me undelivered.

Thank you to everyone who has posted. I am reading them all and feeling so touched by the support, but don't always know how to respond.

Thanks Olihan. Believe it or not, I was a techer too once - KS2. I developed a quick run from the classroom technique if anyone was sick!

I too hate my phobia. I hope she wont be upset if I say this, but Fortyplus' post hit home deeper than she maybe realised. I mean the bit where she said this was such a different me to the one she chatted to yesterday. The me of yesterday is how I want to be and the me of today feels like the ugly, horrid true me.

DG, I have been thinking about you all afternoon.

Give the group therapy a go. If it doesn't work out then tell your GP and maybe s/he will explore other avenues.

I am too far away - I wish I could be nearer - but will be with you in a virtual sense (as will others as you have seen from this thread). When is dh going away?

My mum's favourite saying is 'one day at a time' in such situations. May sound trite, but it's good advice.

x

That reminds me that my mum, who is also a phobia sufferer had therapy for her phobia of bridges and one of the things her therapist taught her to say to herself was "jelly legs will get you there". In other words you may be scared but that doesn't have to mean a total inability to cope - you can be scared but still get through it. I've found that helpful many times, maybe you will too.

Glad the doctor was nice - but I'm sure the NHS has more than that to offer you - he may be starting off with the group therapy and will offer you something else like CBT or a psychologist if you go back again. Try the group thing, it might be great, and if not go back and maybe see a different GP and see if they have a different approach.

I have read with interest the posts and to me what would seem the best help to you are, in no particular order:

1 - Definitely to go onto the website that someone gave to you, dealing specifically with emetophobes (hope thats right!!), at least whilst you are dealing with your problems you will realise you are in no way alone with this disorder,that surely must be a great comfort?

2 - To have a LONG TERM goal of "getting rid of the disorder", making it a priority whilst at the same time not letting it take over your life. Stick with it, its not going to go away over night, I think you will have to be really "dedicated" to the problem, although that might sound a bit strange.

3 - Stick with the CBT which I have heard can work wonders, I think you may have to look a little harder unfortunatly however than your local GP. Have you thought about private treatment?

4 - I personally have find the following website amazing, this is a form of hypnosis and for the sake of about £3 per session for heavens sake its worth a go and certainly cannot make you any worse. I know there is a session specifically on emetophobia and as I said is worth at least the £3 or £4???Give it a go, they are FANTASTIC!!

www.hypnosisdownloads.com

the one for you would be:

www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/phobias_fears/emetophobia.html and www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/phobias_fears/others-vomiting.html

HOPE THIS HELPS!!! (wish I was on commission LOL)

For some reason not all the links work, but if you go to the website they are there!!!

DDG - have just seen a post on another thread by Sauerkraut saying she's an emetaphobe too. It's obviously fairly common. Hope it makes you feel better to know you are not alone.

Again thank you everyone for your posts. And thank you for the emails and phone calls (those of you who have made them will know who I am talking about and will hopefully see this). This is the most support I have had through a crisis ever and I am sincerely touched by it. I don't feel able to respond personally right now but if you see this you will know I am appreciative of your words.

I am not doing well today. I have not spoken to my dh since he told me he was going away. I know that is childish but the words just won't come out. I slept a bit better last night after an awful night the night before, but I awoke feeling instantly miserable and weighed down.

I have had a bit of a walk this morning but walking just lets me think and thinking is not helpful to me.

I also listened to the freebie Paul McKenna CD I have had lying around in which he talks you through a deep relaxation technique. I tried to do it right but I find that sort of thing extremely hard. If someone says to me "Feel your toes, feel the weight and shape of them..." etc, I find that makes me irresistably fidgetty and twitchy and they even start to hurt. Likewise, "concentrate on your breathing" makes me paranoid that I am not going to automatically breathe anymore! Nevertheless, I stuck with it and did feel a bit refreshed at the end so maybe something worked despite myself!

I am starting to feel panic attacks coming on which is frightening me and I am beginning to wish the GP had given me some pills yesterday (he said he could give me some but they were addictive and he didn't think I needed them, and I agreed).

Anyway, just reporting in in case anyone thinks of me today and has a look at this thread.

DDG, how about getting some of those herbal thingys from the chemist which are supposed to help you sleep (or have a couple of glasses of wine if you prefer) - think you really need to get your nights sleep while this is going on - anything is harder to deal with if you haven't slept properly.

Is there anything you can do to get out of the house more so you have less time to think about it all? Is it feasible to go to visit your parents for one of the weekends your dh is away?

Can you recommend any herbal things KTeePee? I know you remember when my mother had her stroke and we all went out to France to be with her. Well, my brother had some herbal sleeping pills then and he gave one to my sister who was having difficulty sleeping and, although it was herbal, she did say she found it quite effective (maybe too effective?) and she definitely felt it was something she would only want to take once in a while rather than regularly. I don't know wht it was called though (could ring bro of course but maybe you or someone else knows something less strong?)

I think dh is only away the one weekend and it did occur to me to go to my parents but again, thinking back to my mother's stroke, I dodn't know how welcome I would be with my 4 children.

I've never used them myself DDG but have seen them on display in Boots - maybe someone will come along who can recommend a particular one.

I'm sure your parents would love to have you all even for a couple of nights.

Message withdrawn

How are you DG, just to let you know Im no longer Pinkbubble but bubblicious, call me on MSN if you need to, Im around tomorrow afternonn!