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Original poster

Just want to die

66 replies

WynterBlossom · 25/12/2016 09:01

I'm not coping at all, I just want to end all of this so I don't have to feel this way again.

My life has completely fallen apart & I can't cope anymore.

My ex left me, is now with someone new & im left pregnant with his child.
I know to a lot of people it sounds a silly reason to be so down but honestly I'm just not coping with this!

OP posts:
timelytess · 25/12/2016 09:05

Good grief, that's a lot to bear! No wonder you feel down. It isn't a silly reason at all.

Take one minute at a time. Breathe. Have a cup of tea. And a biscuit if you can. Make yourself warm and cosy and watch some mindless television or listen to music.

Phone the Samaritans or just go to A+E and tell them you are suicidal, if the need gets very strong. Trust me, this stage will pass. Hang in there and keep posting.

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead · 25/12/2016 09:08

Depression is depression, there doesn't need to be a 'reason' for it.

That said, it's not surprising you're feeling so dreadful.

Good advice above. Keep in there and stay safe. A+E or Samaritans if you feel you're in danger. We care, OP.

Original poster
WynterBlossom · 25/12/2016 09:08

I'm so scared because I just want to go home & hang myself.....I feel like I won't ever recover from this.

I wish I could hold my breath & die quickly.

Oh please take this feeling away, I'd give anything

OP posts:
MarjorieSimpson · 25/12/2016 09:08

Do you have anyone to talk to in RL?
Are you going to see family today?

Christmas is a particularly hArd time in the year when you feel low. Everyone is with family, you are supposed to be happy and it just highlights all the crap you have.
You will be able to go through today, and the then tomorrow and then the day after.
But you need support. If the plan is for you to be alone today, then give a ring to the Samaritans.

Original poster
WynterBlossom · 25/12/2016 09:10

I'm with family but don't want to ruin their day so am sat in brothers bedroom thinking about how to end this pain

OP posts:
WiseUpJanetWeiss · 25/12/2016 09:11

Of course you are feeling down about this - it's not silly at all.

Please ask for help in real life. In time and with support you will feel better, but just now you need to focus on keeping yourself safe.

When is your baby due?

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead · 25/12/2016 09:11

Sweetie I've reported this thread so MN can post their usual help links for you. I'm really sorry you're going through this.

GruffaloPants · 25/12/2016 09:13

Is there anyone in your family who you can confide in? Sorry you are feeling like this.

Please talk to someone - call or email the Samaritans.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 25/12/2016 09:14

Just seen your update. Please, please don't give up, and please ask for help.

I don't know whether your family are the helping kind, but if they are can you show someone your posts on this thread so you don't have to speak?

Keep posting. You matter, and remember that people love you.

TheoriginalLEM · 25/12/2016 09:15

Oh love. It must be so difficult but you are pregnant with YOUR baby and that child will bring you more love than you could ever imagine.

Yes it will be so so hard but you'll manage.

As for today, well that was always going to be tough. Its ok to pull the duvet over your head and hibernate. watch some shite on netflix and enjoy some peace.

The samaritans are there if you need to reach out.

I feel for you but am desperate for you to realise that things will get better.

queenofthebucket · 25/12/2016 09:18

You are going to recover from this and be a wonderful mum to a beautiful baby.

has it happened recently? I hope your family are big enough to support you today and onwards. He was a shit, sorry that this has happened to you.

Ive found the Samaritans really amazing when I felt at the end of my tether, just for someone to talk it out with who is neutral.

Flowers
Original poster
WynterBlossom · 25/12/2016 09:18

I'm on anti depressants 100mg.
I've started CBT for other issues I had.
I'm waiting for counselling

I see and speak with family regularly as they are nothing but supportive....why do I feel like the only person who's ever gone through this?? I feel like a bloody fraud

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 25/12/2016 09:23

i see you are with your family. That is good. You are NOT a burden but they will be wortied. If you can't face company feign a migraine and have a lay down.

You are precious. You are worthwhile. You matter and you are loved.

peppatax · 25/12/2016 09:23

Just seen this Wynter after reading the other thread.

Please please go and tell someone there how you are feeling. No one will judge you. They will help, I promise. I have been there and completely understand how you feel but you can't do this on your own.

I'm in a similar situation and it's just awful, so I will PM you Flowers

queenofthebucket · 25/12/2016 09:26

have you been on the AD's recently? It can take a few 6 to 8 weeks to feel full effect.
So glad your family are there for you. Christmas is going to be hard this year but you can get through it.

MNHQ
RebeccaMumsnet · 25/12/2016 09:26

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 25/12/2016 09:36

Wynter you are not a fraud. Just because others have been through this or worse does not in any way invalidate your experience.

Allow your family to look after you today. If you were my daughter I would only be interested in you - stuff the turkey.

Original poster
WynterBlossom · 25/12/2016 09:38

It happened 5 weeks ago Thursday just gone.

I was emotional before due to hormones but now it's all so so much worse.

I was on AD's when I met him & because of the stuff we went through by the time he left I was on 100mg.

I feel even worse because I'm pregnant, I feel guilty to my baby that I am feeling like this....I feel so lost

OP posts:
Original poster
WynterBlossom · 25/12/2016 09:46

Wiseup that is truly the loveliest thing someone has said to me, you are all so amazing & I'm crying writing this!

All taking your time out on xmas day to message me, it's honestly the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, I wish I knew all of you in RL!

What I'd do without mums net

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 25/12/2016 10:01

Mn is great for anonymous support. Sometimes a bit of empathy is what you need. Its helped me so much over the years.

I was a sinle kum.at 19. The best thing that ever happened to me.

Lolimax · 25/12/2016 10:14

Sweetheart if I was your mum (and I have a 20 year old daughter) I'd also say stuff the turkey you and your health are far more important. Please please tell someone how you're feeling. And I'll keep popping in here all day to see how you are. You can get better I promise.

queenofthebucket · 25/12/2016 10:17

It's still really raw for you Wynter, its entirely reasonable to be feeling so low, especially with your hormones all over the place.

Try and be kind to yourself, being on AD's is perfectly ok and try not to berate yourself and feel guilty. Looking at it positively, you are taking them to help yourself be a strong mum and get back on your feet.

Coffeegrain · 25/12/2016 10:21

Keep strong. I truly believe if you get through this Christmas you'll look back and be so proud of yourself. I'm pleased you're with family.
It's really early days and still raw. Flowers

mayhew · 25/12/2016 10:40

Thinking of you feeling so terrible. Stay safe with people you trust. Avoid being alone. There will be better days. Is there anyone you can confide in?

In many areas there are special MH services for pregnant and new mothers, Perinatal Mental Health. This means that there are protected resources to get you seen quickly. It is recognised that you are in an especially vulnerable group.

Have you been given a contact number by your midwives? NHS111 or A&E probably have them. It will be the crisis team over the bank holidays and then the dedicated service when work starts.

Samaritans are also useful. You don't have to feel better yet, or soon, just aim to get through this one day at a time

Wolfiefan · 25/12/2016 10:44

You are not a fraud. You should not feel guilty. You are unwell. Just because others have had a hard time doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel like your life has been blown apart.
Please do seek RL help. Can you call the Samaritans or contact your crisis team?
You can recover. You deserve to get better. You deserve to be opening presents with your child in years to come. Flowers