Just want to die

[WynterBlossom]

I'm not coping at all, I just want to end all of this so I don't have to feel this way again.

My life has completely fallen apart & I can't cope anymore.

My ex left me, is now with someone new & im left pregnant with his child.
I know to a lot of people it sounds a silly reason to be so down but honestly I'm just not coping with this!

I'm with my mum, step dad & 3 young brothers.

They know what's going on, my step dad gave me a hug earlier and my mum got me to sit downstairs with them.

I cried opening my presents...I honestly feel so so horrible, feel like I'm ruining their day, they are all so happy and content and there's me sat here feeling sorry for myself because my ex left me and is now happy with someone else......how pathetic can I get??

I feel like it's Groundhog Day and as soon as I fall asleep it will all have to start again....I hate feeling like all I'm doing is moping but I honestly don't know what to do, I'm scared one day il get up and il end it all because I can't cope.

Was I really that bad a person that he felt justified in treating me the way he did??

Am I really worth absolutely nothing....I feel I never will with anyone, what if my son grows up hating me??

You are not pathetic. You are grieving a lost relationship.
You are worth more than this. You deserve to be happy. It's the depression talking when you say you don't.

Hi Winter, it's so hard isn't it? I' m going through similar but haven't got the added stress of pregnancy and I am further on from you.

Please stay safe - one foot in front of the other, step by step, hour by hour. It will get better! Stay with people, even if you don't share in their happiness. Just being with them will help. Look after yourself and do what helps you, everything else can wait. Get help too. Speak to your GP, maybe your meds need adapting or changing. Bit by bit you will work through it. It will take time but you can do it!

I hate myself because I was doing so well, come Friday I felt I was finally making the progress I needed to finally move on, then I stupidly searched her on fb and saw them together.....that he's met her family.....they look so happy.

I'm absolutely devastated he told me everything he did and then walked so easily, I'm also devastated he's walked from our son and hasn't even tried to contact to see if all is going well.

He's just cut me out and is now treating me like I don't exist, like neither of us do. He was an absolute wanker to me, mentally abusive but stupidly I still loved him and wanted a future as a family, now he's just going to do all that with the new woman.

Why am I so bloody needy?? I don't feel complete and content unless I'm in a relationship with someone.

I am so absolutely petrified il never be happy and will feel like this until the day I die....what if my baby is born stressed because of the stress I'm under now?? I've absolutely fucked everything.

OP just sending love your way. What a truly awful thing you must be going through - broken hearts are shattering, but if you can push through each day, then you're one step closer to meeting your baby.

The Samaritans really are great if you need someone to talk too.

Be as kind to yourself as you can, lick your wounds, and know that this too shall pass. I'm sorry you're having such a hard Christmas.

You have made progress. This is just a setback. You will make more progress.
He's mentally abusive? She's welcome to him.
You're not needy. It's human to want to be with someone you love.
You can build a new life with your son, be happy and (in time) find someone more worthy of you who will only add to your happiness.

sorry for how you feeling.
do you think the ad is high in mgs. some ads can give suicidal thoughts and because you are pregnant you are more emotional.
don't be sorry that he left, it shows what kind of person he is. well riddance.
you have hope now, a gorgeous baby is growing inside you. a person who will love you unconditionally and who you will love unconditionally.
wish you all the best. xx

*WynterBlossom
*
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Your ex is a dick.

Please let your family look after you, and don't worry about being upset. Your Mum has children too and I'm sure is sympathetic to how you feel at the moment.

When the baby arrives, you will be in love like never before (though it took me a couple of months to feel that way about DS). Baby boys are just gorgeous little creatures.

Just hang on in there. 2017 will be a better year.

Thank you so much all.

This honestly is the worst xmas I've ever had in my entire life....I am officially broken, I've never felt this way in my life.

I feel my whole life is ruined & it's beyond repair.

I keep trying to tell myself that she's welcome to him & because he spent our relationship putting me down & feeling like I never was good enough but he also knew how to turn it around & make me believe he truly loved me & wanted to be in mine & our sons life to just up and leave for someone else.

I just want to be loved, I've never been so desperate in my life to be happy, I couldn't care less for anything.....not money nothing, I just want to be truly happy & content.

He took my heart when he left & he's never going to give it back.

He didn't take it. It's yours. It may be bruised and battered. But you can heal.
This is the worst Christmas. Probably the worst time you will ever face in your life. Better things are around the corner.
You can be happy and content with your child.
Try calling the Samaritans until you can get to your GP? Crisis team or if you really feel you can't take it. Go to A and E.
But you really can make it through this. I promise you.
Handholding and support on MN always available my lovely. X

What if I go back to my gp or A&E & they plan to take my baby off me when he comes??

I have no doubts about being a mother, I am just struggling with this situation which has nothing to do with me becoming a mum. Yes I feel it's harder as if I wasn't pregnant, I'd probably be smoking and drinking but I'm not struggling with the prospect of being a mum.

I feel so stupid for letting him hurt me the way he did, I hate myself for spending my time thinking about him with her when I know full well he hasn't even given me or his son a second thought.

No-one is going to take your baby from you if you ask for help. Really.

Stop hating yourself for not being superwoman. No-one is superwoman, even the ones who look like they might be. You have been through a horrible experience, you are grieving for a lost relationship (and knowing he's a jerk and far from being good enough for you won't make up for that loss just yet) and you have crazy hormones.

It's a big deal. If anyone deserves a bit of tlc from her family it's you. Let them in.

Tell someone that your thoughts of ending it all are frightening you and you need them to help keep you safe.

Because really, now the days are lengthening again and the year is turning, and you have a little one growing inside you, you can learn to begin to look forward. There will be joy again.

Wise up is right.

I am desperate to ask for more help but feel I'm taking more than I should.

I saw my doctor around 5 weeks ago & had my AD upped to 100mg, I am receiving help for CBT & waiting for counselling....I'm just so desperately lost right now, I've never felt pain like this, I have never experienced depression like this.....please make this go away!

Wynter it will go away - given time. Right now it's probably the worst it's going to get, and all you have to do is keep breathing and get through it. Yes, it's incredibly painful, but I promise you it'll pass - one day you'll be happy again, with your wonderful new baby and all the joy he'll bring with him.

Go and talk to your Mum, tell her how you're feeling - I bet she wants to help. Make yourself a cup of tea, or have a soft drink, and go stare mindlessly at Christmas rubbish on the telly for a while. Allow yourself to be sad, you don't have to put a front on for everyone - remember, it's normal to feel awful when your relationship ends. It will get better.

Wishing you the strength to get through the day, and the days to come - y9ou can do this, really you can.

Taking more meds or getting more help than you should?
Only your GP can tell you about the meds. You deserve all the support you can get.

My mental health nurse said I could up to 150mg but I was worried as if I did develop PND, I'd already be on a very high dose and be stuck in a new rut.

I know, I am simply wallowing in self pity, I am feeling so very sorry for myself, I guess it just helps knowing you are all there to help.

I keep telling myself to suck it up, it'll get easier but then I wake up to a new day and start this all again.

Not self pity. Depression is shit. You have a lot on your plate right now. You need to get your mood stable and work on CBT or whatever then you will have the skills to cope after baby is born. You may well not develop PND. If you need pills then take them. I have asthma. Took inhaler this morning and every day. If it gets worse then I up my dose. Same with any meds. Take the advice of the health professionals. Grab all the support you can get and keep moving towards that better life and happier you.

I'm trying so hard to get a grip on my life & try to move on with my life & become a happier person for my baby but it's so hard right now & I feel so bloody down & depressed.

I want to go up on my tablets, which I was offered but I feel no amount of tablets will help whilst I feel down

Listen lovely, I have been in your situation TWICE

Yes, both times I was pregnant and the kids dads left me for somebody else. I had my nose rubbed in it. I was still grieving the death of my dear grandfather the first time it happened and I had lost my job. I had literally hit rock bottom.

That, the first time was in 2008. I am still here. I am still standing. I got through it.

The second time was hard, but I wasn't in such a bad place when it happened. I got through it.

I can tell you, 2008 was the worst year of my life. It should have been one of the best because my son was born in that year. But I hate that year, I can barely even think about how bad things where back then. But I got through it.

2012, another bad year, but I got through it.

I can't tell you how, because frankly I have no idea. But you will get through this

Fast forward to this year, I am now married and very happy.

You will be too. You just have to go through it before you can get past it.

I'm sorry you are hurting

Oh bless you. The pills really can help. I say that as someone who was in a crappy place. Didn't want to take pills. Did. Did CBT and came off the pills. I'm in so much of a better place now.
It's something odd about MH. If you had an infection and needed antibiotics at a certain dose you would take them. But the depression makes you feel you shouldn't need the pills.

I'm on AD's they've helped me. You've got a lot to cope with. Being pregnant is hard enough without everything else. But YOU WILL get through this.

Shall I go back to gp & take the 150mg they offered??