I'm sorry.

[IAmAHorriblePerson]

I used to be a member here but I deleted when all the Jeffrey stuff happened. I'm so sorry for making a new account.

I don't know how to be okay with myself anymore. I despise everything about myself and I just want to be dead.

I have crippling anxiety - I can't use the phone, or leave the house on my own - and I have literally nothing in my life (no children so don't worry about anyone being dependent on me). I just want to die, my life is literally worthless.

Every day when I wake up, I wish that I hadn't. I don't want this anymore. I've emailed Samaritans in the past and it's not something that works for me. There is nothing out there for me. I don't know what else could help, my life is just empty and nothing and I want it over.

No idea why I am posting but people here have been so supportive in the past so I'm so sorry but I am asking for more of the same even though I am nothing and I don't deserve it.

Thank you both so much.

Harry - I'm sorry your friend suffers so much. I really hope that he gets some relief from it. You sound like a lovely friend to care about him so much, I'm sure he thinks that you're amazing as well.

I don't have words tonight, nothing I type is sounding coherent. Thank you so much for the support and kind words.

Heya, how are you feeling this morning? Xx

Thank you both for replying to me again.

Pirate - I feel like I wish I hadn't woken up. I feel like that pretty much every time I DO wake up though, so no change really. Thank you very much for asking though, I hope you are well.

Soap - Not really. I really don't like the heat, it makes me feel completely drained, and the house feels all stuffy and oppressive. It makes me more anxious. I much prefer winter. I hope you're enjoying it more than I am.

Sorry to be so annoying. I just feel done with everything.

That's never a good way to start the day. This may make you feel a little better... With you talking about your workouts/ running and stuff, you've given me a push to start working out :). So I've been to the gym this morning! Thank you :)

Xx

Well done you, that's really impressive. You should be proud of yourself, and I hope you enjoyed your work-out.

How are you today? xx

Just a message to say thinking about you, wondering how you're getting on

Hey :)

Oh god. I'm so sorry.

I'm bumping this from an age ago. I know that's not okay. But I also know that starting a new thread is not okay because I am not okay as a person. Nothing I do is okay.

I want out so very very badly. I want everything to be over. I can't cope. I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be asking here, I know it isn't appropriate, I know it's not the right place, but there isn't anywhere else. I can't use anywhere else. I don't have access to anything and I just don't know what to do.

I want to destroy myself.

I hear you.

I hear you.

I'm a bit like you. I feel such a burden on all my loved ones. I have dc and a job so I have to keep going but I couldn't face work today and I'm currently crying on the sofa after my shower because even the thought of getting dressed seems insurmountable today. This level of depression is something that no one should feel. I hope you some day find some peace.

Hello OP. I know what it feels like to feel like you. This time last year I could've written large chunks of your posts myself. Some of your behaviours are/were very similar to mine. This year, I have plans and my self-belief is back. It is completely possible for you to turn this around.

You don't want to destroy yourself. You want to save yourself. That's why you're posting on here. And lots of lovely people on this board will help you.

Can I recommend a book to you? It was recommended by another poster on this board so thankyou to that person, sorry I can't remember their username. It's called the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. Without wanting to get all evangelical about it, it will (or rather YOU will) change the inside of your head by reading it.

Keep posting and stop apologising.

Sending you love and hugs. I've felt like this too but life does get better. Just remember that there are people out there who care and want you to get better. Just do one hour at a time and before you know it another day has passed, bringing you closer to feeling a bit better.