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Original poster

so low I can't wash

136 replies

Aveiam · 28/04/2016 17:11

I feel so terrible right now that I haven't been able to make myself wash in 3 days.
I feel disgusting please don't be mean to me about it.
I really want to be fixed. I'm on 60mg fluoxetine and have been waiting for the psychiatric team to get back to my GP to see about a change in medication. The diagnosis is depression.
I just feel so low. I just want to be better.
Any advice on how to change this, how to get better for myself without tablets?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aveiam · 01/05/2016 21:13

I'm so so low, I feel hopeless and like there's no point in trying to be better

OP posts:
AnxiousMunchkin · 01/05/2016 21:26

Hi Aveiam. Sorry you're feeling so low- the not seeing the point in getting better is probably the illness talking, you know.

You said you miss your baby? You can tell us more about that if you want to.

Depression sucks. Flowers

Original poster
Aveiam · 01/05/2016 21:28

It all hurts so much it's all so dark and I'm starting to panic

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 01/05/2016 21:30

We're all thinking of you Flowers

WhispersFFSunderBreath · 01/05/2016 21:32

Aveiam, there is. I've suffered with depression on and off most of my adult life but my worse case has been the last two years. I just wanted to fall asleep and not wake up. I didn't think the depression would ever lift. And it's so easy to give into that. I know it is. Are you still in hospital? Have they discussed with you what's happening? x

AnxiousMunchkin · 02/05/2016 07:24

How are you doing this morning?

Original poster
Aveiam · 02/05/2016 11:40

I just want to give up now

OP posts:
toriap2 · 02/05/2016 11:46

Please dont give up. We are all with you. Please keep talking to us. No one will be horrible or mean. We all want to support you. Sending strength and hugs.

AnxiousMunchkin · 02/05/2016 12:43

Are you still at hospital today, do you want to tell us what is going on?

Many of us have been where you are now, metaphorically speaking. It does pass. It's the illness that is causing the thoughts.... but remember thoughts aren't real. They're just thoughts.

Original poster
Aveiam · 02/05/2016 16:56

I am at home again as i wasn't at immediate risk of harm to myself.
i feel sick, and sad, and hopeless

OP posts:
Original poster
Aveiam · 02/05/2016 18:25

I don't even care any more about anything. I feel dark and horrible. I want to be with my daughter and the nurses were laughing at me I'm sure. And I am so sick and tired of being like this, I'm worse than useless. It's so dark. So horrible.

OP posts:
LizKeen · 02/05/2016 18:59

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I have been there. It is horrible.

You are not useless. You are ill. It is dark and horrible, but that is the illness, not you. You are not any of these negative things.

Have you eaten? Do you live alone?

A4Document · 02/05/2016 19:18
Flowers
Original poster
Aveiam · 02/05/2016 19:53

I don't want to eat.
I'm all alone. My ex is in prison and my daughter is gone

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 02/05/2016 19:58

Do you want to talk about your daughter? We can listen, no judgement. If you can face a phone call though there are many places to call that might be better at listening than us for specific things but you are always welcome to talk here if you feel more comfortable Flowers

MiddleClassProblem · 02/05/2016 19:59

Also, you don't have to if you don't want to either

Original poster
Aveiam · 02/05/2016 20:38

My daughter died she was nearly 2 and so very beautiful.
And now I don't have her and I wish I was with her

OP posts:
A4Document · 02/05/2016 20:45

Can you face a drink of juice or milk just to give you some calories? A hot cup of tea or coffee?

Did they review your medication at the hospital?

MiddleClassProblem · 02/05/2016 21:06

That's such a difficult thing to go through. It's no wonder you feel as you do but you are worth fighting for. Please try and talk to a professional. Try here:

www.childbereavementuk.org

No one will judge you and you can say truly how you feel and get help that we aren't able to. I know right now you may feel that you don't need it but you are still here for a reason. You are worth it.

LizKeen · 02/05/2016 21:07

I am so sorry to hear that about your daughter. Losing a child is the absolute worst thing. It is no wonder that you are feeling so low.

I know that it is said all the time, but it really can get better, and it really will. This darkness is just a moment in time. Just a moment that can pass. The pain of losing your daughter will always be with you, but over time you will learn how to cope with it more.

You can just talk on here, even if you think it is just rambling, sometimes it can help to get it out. There is always someone around.

Original poster
Aveiam · 02/05/2016 21:15

I want to die. That's it that's all I want I want to stop

OP posts:
LizKeen · 02/05/2016 21:21

I know it seems like that would make it stop, but you are worth hanging on for. You are important. You matter. It isn't the answer.

Is there anyone IRL you can call?

Can you call the Samaritans? 116 123 is the number.

Original poster
Aveiam · 02/05/2016 21:50

For me it doesn't matter if i matter or not. It just hurts to much and I just don't want it anymore.
There's no one around me. Samaritans don't make it better it feels lonelier when I speak to someone because they don't get it.,and I wish I never told the police about my ex.

OP posts:
TealLove · 02/05/2016 22:06

It's so fucking hard.
Please just hold on. It can get better.

Original poster
Aveiam · 03/05/2016 08:42

Anyone around,I can't face anymore

OP posts: