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Original poster

so low I can't wash

136 replies

Aveiam · 28/04/2016 17:11

I feel so terrible right now that I haven't been able to make myself wash in 3 days.
I feel disgusting please don't be mean to me about it.
I really want to be fixed. I'm on 60mg fluoxetine and have been waiting for the psychiatric team to get back to my GP to see about a change in medication. The diagnosis is depression.
I just feel so low. I just want to be better.
Any advice on how to change this, how to get better for myself without tablets?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aveiam · 30/04/2016 02:49

Thank you for posting to me all of you, I am sorry I haven't been here.
I am back in hospital which is where I just didn't want to be. But hoping to go home.
A wash to me feels like Mount Everest, it feels insurmountable and I feel ill equipped to do it.
I am waiting to be stitched up then I just want to go home but who knows if that will work or happen.

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 30/04/2016 02:52

Oh ave what's happened?

Ask to speak to the RAID team or their equivalent, they're a mental health team in north west trusts I'm not sure what it's like in others. Ask them to put you in touch with services in the community who can help you. This is a very good chance to get more help if you want it

Original poster
Aveiam · 30/04/2016 02:55

I cut myself yesterday evening,
I am in London I don't know if they have any thing like that.
Thank you for posting back

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 30/04/2016 03:01

They wil have a mental health team and most hospitals will have a team they will refer you to if you have hurt yourself. Be honest and tell them how you feel, don't downplay it, be honest please, its how you get help Flowers

I hope you're okay

Original poster
Aveiam · 30/04/2016 03:02

I just feel so dark

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 30/04/2016 03:08

I know.

You might feel like nothing will get better.

You might feel that people are talking shit and that it wont get better

But it does. It's easy for me to say now, but I've been where you are. I was hospitalised. If someone told me then what I'm telling you now I would have hated them because I didnt want advice I just wanted to sleep forever.

BUT I promise you, if will get better. One day you will wake up and things will be 'normal'. I'm not saying things will be happy, because I' dont know that, but things will be 'normal' and by normal I mean you will be able to get up and do daily activities without wanting to bury your head and never speak or see anyone again. Or want to stay in bed all day. Or want to disappear. Or hurt yourself.

right now it may feel impossible. But I promise you it isn't. I have the old old scars to prove it. You will get through through this Flowers

Baconyum · 30/04/2016 03:21

Firstly sorry you are so ill and I hope you feel better soon.

Another who's been there (thank goodness for dry shampoo and deodorant!) The irony being I have ocd! But sometimes it's felt like too much effort and sometimes it's been fear (obsessive thoughts of slipping and falling etc), I've also been so ill I've forgotten how to put one foot in front of the other. I had a nurse once literally walk me through a shower, 'right turn the shower on, check the temperature, get your hair wet...' Etc

I have to admit I always feel better afterwards.

3 days is nothing! Geez if someone breaks a leg or a hip or whatever we don't tell em to 'just get on with it'.

seoulsurvivor · 30/04/2016 03:31

I have also been there, I think the longest I didn't wash was 2 weeks.

It's horrible, and makes you feel awful.

Keep yourself safe, one day at a time.

HalfpintPixie · 30/04/2016 03:45

Hi Aveiam, how are you doing?

I'm a long time self harmer (though it sounds awful when I put it like that!) who lived in west London, and from my experience you should be now able to access the Community Mental Health Team, who can come visit you at your home and talk about how you're feeling. If you say you want help, they will generally give it, but I've found the more specific you are about your health and mood, the better. I now see a psychologist who specialises in self harm, and it's changed my life.
Please don't give up.

Original poster
Aveiam · 30/04/2016 09:54

Thank you for messages I am at home now I still can't really do anything

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 30/04/2016 11:56

I think you need to say I'm not going to do anything today and that's ok.

HalfpintPixie · 30/04/2016 12:38

Aveiam don't pressure yourself to do anything that stresses you. When depressed, self care and self kindness are the hardest things to do, but it does make all the difference.
You say you're alone... Do you have any family or friends who can help lighten the load for you?
I'm thinking of you love.

Original poster
Aveiam · 30/04/2016 14:13

I have no one, I am alone and I feel like I'm never going to get better

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 30/04/2016 14:42

If you do feel like you can face a phone call, here is a list of many places that can help. Just have a look and see if any fit the bill for you. It maybe that some are more specific so you might feel more comfortable calling
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx

A4Document · 30/04/2016 15:02

When are you next talking to the GP? Can you ask them to chase up the psychiatric team for you?

Dandelion66 · 30/04/2016 15:08

I completely understand. Some days I can't just take it one day at a time, I have to settle for one hour at a time. It's not as daunting. Private message me if you need to talk. I am here for you x

jellyjiggles · 30/04/2016 15:16

OP it once took me 4 hours to wash and put clothes back on. It was utterly exhausting. 4 years on and I'm better Smile.

One step at a time. I found i could only function in small steps. Sometimes as small as putting one foot in front of the other.

It helped me to keep reminding myself it was the illness.

Take each minute as it comes and if you have to stay in bed then so be it. You need to look after yourself X

PunkrockerGirl · 30/04/2016 15:25

And people saying 'if you can post on MN you can shower'..get to fuck.

This x 1000

Astonishing lack of insight and empathy.

Sending Flowers OP. One very small step at a time. You'll get there.

Original poster
Aveiam · 01/05/2016 00:15

I am in the psychiatric unit again. I think I will probably have to stay here now.
There's a nice nurse here but I'm sure the morning one will be horrible to me again.
I feel sick and tired. And very very sad

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 01/05/2016 00:20

Hope you get some sleep. Deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. If you can't sleep maybe see if you can talk to the nice nurse Flowers

AnxiousMunchkin · 01/05/2016 11:04

Aveiam I know you said you didn't want to be back in hospital, but if you are there, it's to help you and so they can look after you. You can rest.

I was going to reply to Nananina about the thought patterns I wrote about that help me, the relationship between thoughts/feelings/behaviours and behavioural activation stuff that I've learnt from CBT (and probably a lot of us have been taught in CBT or read about), but actually I think I don't want to sidetrack and clutter up your thread, Aveiam. The theory of it all is one thing, putting it into practice is another, and I don't want you to feel that MN is piling pressure on you.

Take your time, just think about the next little step.

Original poster
Aveiam · 01/05/2016 19:33

I feel so sad. I miss my baby

OP posts:
Original poster
Aveiam · 01/05/2016 20:50

Is anybody around

OP posts:
WhispersFFSunderBreath · 01/05/2016 20:55

How are you today? x

ExtremelyConfidential · 01/05/2016 21:07

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you, Aveiam.