Keeping it real in the depersonalisation/derealization hang out thread

[JeepersMcoy]

Following a thread in Chat where a few people have said they suffer from depersonalisation and derealization issues I thought it would be nice to move the conversation to somewhere a bit safer and out of the Chat traffic. It has really helped me to just hear that there are other people out there who feel how I feel and I would love to be able to come and share good days and bad days with you all.

Biscuits, cakes and nibble are provided along with a selection of hot and cold, alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages (all dietary requirement catered for). Pull up a chair and and together we can attempt to hold onto some semblance of reality.

Makes sense to me too shot about visualising a new place.
I'm better than I was but it doesn't take much to knock me back.
If I'm anxious, I disconnect (like we've previously said) and cope that way.
Just got back from few days away, lots of driving, I probably mostly looked like a normal mum, stopping off here and there for supplies.
But it was tension, stress, weird shop layouts and two monosyllabic children. In the heat
Thank god for sunglasses and coping strategies.

Have been painting new house today. Very slowly.
Back again for lots more tomorrow.

And me. If I can visualise something happen I can do it, if not it can create a problem.

Visualising is one of the things my therapist gets me to do. He started by getting me to write about things that made me anxious and what bad things I could imagine happening. I then moved onto doing it in my head for most things, but still write out big scary stuff. I find it really helps.

I also like to know as much about something new as possible before I do it. I like to buy from or go to places with websites so I can find out about them online first. I find the idea of phoning a business or turning up somewhere I haven't even a bit of an idea about completely terrifying.

The window person never showed up yesterday. I waited for an hour, then called him. (Angst!) He'd forgotten, and wasn't working the whole day.

Last week in counselling I was talking about a group of my dad's friends who my family was very tight with when I was a child. I haven't had any contact with them since my teens, really. I've not really even thought of them. They've just come up in some (quite upsetting) conversation with the counselling. Quite randomly last night, one of them sent me a friend request on FB!

I'm really not feeling good today. Pissed off with not getting to stuff my face with carbs. PMS headache and cramps. Energetic, but not getting anything done. Feeling quite dizzy and having some derealisation symptoms. Really not in a great place. Just needed to vent...

Feeling a bit rubbish today. High anxiety and tiredness. Was meant to be meeting a friend for lunch but just couldnt face it and had to go back to bed after school run for a couple of hours. Just got up and had lunch so will just tidy until school run. All I can think about is bed time though.

Sorry to all who are feeling rubbish. I hope that today is a day when you take care of yourself.

Does anyone else notice a pattern related to the time of day? There is a particular time of day when I am likely to dissociate particularly badly, and I wondered if this is the case for anybody else and if anyone knows why? This has been the case for years and years and has been constant across different routines, environments, workplaces and so on.

Mornings are the worst for me. My anxiety tends to be highest then.

For me it's afternoons, I think. I'm a morning person and tend to be quite energetic, functional and happy getting on with things in the morning. Once I'm done with immediate chores and the day goes on, depressive mood, lethargy, anxiety and other symptoms start to creep in. Then again towards the evening I have more of a routine and feel better, usually.

I'm still PMSy and also worried about DH (who also has MH issues), but today is counselling day, and I'm not feeling too bad about things right now.

Yes im the complete opposite. Once I've done everything then my mind quietens.

I am worst late afternoon to evening time. By the afternoon I sort of crash a bit I think and just want to curl up and sleep. That is on a good day. On a bad day I never really get going at all and then I know I will just be stuck in my head all day.

That's interesting. For me it is early afternoon, which is difficult as this coincides with a time in my working day when I need to be as present as I will ever be in order to do my job. I have excused myself from this context more than once before now because I am sure someone is going to notice that something is wrong, not to mention the fact I am not able to tolerate how I feel. I usually go outside or to get a drink or even to call my husband or text a friend. Only once have I actually gone home, which I do not do because I know that the feeling passes within finite time.

The curious thing is that until recently it did not occur to me that to fight this inner battle is not typical, and that not everybody is fighting in this way. I imagine that each person fights their battles but I really thought my experience to be common if not universal. Huh.

If anyone has any grounding strategies that work when in company, I would appreciate them.

I've been all tired and just wanting to curl up and sleep this weekend. Yesterday I had to take dd to a children's birthday party, which I always find pretty stressful. I hate parties. I never know who to talk to and how to navigate a room of people without either spending too much time with someone or seeming to ignore someone else. I am far better with small groups or one on one. Still, I survived and don't think I offended anyone in any permanent fashion.

Today dh is supposed to be taking her to another party but he was out late last night and I'm just hoping he will be awake and in a capable enough state to go. I think 2 in one weekend might finish me!

I hope he was up and took your DD Jeepers! Two of any social occasion on one weekend would be a bit of a nightmare.

I'm still hormonal, moody and crampy. We're out of co-codamol and chocolate. I've not really even attempted to do anything very useful this weekend.

Been like a zombie today but had to do day 3 of my new job so zombie with anxiety attempting to not look either.

Yes, he did get up and was super as he always is. Bless him. He doesn't go out much to be fair.

I hope the new job is going OK goood.

I am having quite bad derealization today. I walk along the corridor at work and it feels like it is all sort of unstable and I am in a tube or film set rather than part of an actual building. I almost didn't come into work today as I just wanted to curl up in bed and hibernate away from the world.

Good I hope you're coping and settling in, despite the zombie feeling and anxiety.

Jeepers glad to hear Sunday went well. I know that unstable feeling! Well done making it to work, though.

I think I slept badly and had nightmares and muscle cramps during the night. Lots of sore, stiff muscles and a bad headache today. And I keep sort of almost flashbacking? Like a waft of a smell (eg coffee), or a little bit out of a song, or just turning my head in a certain way, etc other tiny things, transport me all of a sudden into this different kind of feeling. Like all of a sudden I'm not really here, but something is drawing me back to somewhere else. But it's passing quite soon every time.

I've been out sorting some chores this morning. Going to my artsy crafty group this afternoon, and accompinying DH to a health related meeting in the evening. It happens to suit me today I think. I'm feeling a bit buzzy.

Thank you. Getting there. I hate change though so found the transition difficult.

Hi all. How is everyone doing? I have had a funny sort of week. Been having on off derealization and getting a bit stuck in my head. I am starting to feel a bit better though I think and looking forward to the week being over.

Hi all.
Haven't managed to post for ages.
All is crazy busy here with moving house.
Hoping to be done and dusted, keys handed back by Monday.
Hope everyone is doing ok

I have namechanged again - paranoia is a bitch

I have been waking up in the middle of the night feeling very nauseous - I am gulping air a lot at the moment. I know it's because I am having to adjust to not being a uni student - six years of study can take its toll.

I am also feeling like the world is about to end -the feeling of doom in my chest is almost palpable

GooodMythical I find change hard too. Glad it's getting there for you.

Jeepers Very positive to hear you're looking forward to things etc even in the middle of feeling stuck and "derealised".

Room yikes, moving is so stressful. How are you coping with it? Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly and as planned.

inaclearing Sorry to hear it's difficult. As said above, change can be so hard. I hope you start to feel better soon.

I can't seem to NC anyway, so I'm stuck being Bursars for now. I'm sure one or two people could recognise me if they searched this name and happened to be cyberstalking me on mumsnet, but those one or two are people who already know most everything about me anyway, so I'm trying not to care.

I'm starting to get quite distracted by the fertility treatments we're having. I don't think I'm having loads of side effects from the hormones, but it's the uncertainty of whether it'll work or not again, I suppose. My mood is a bit all over the place about it. Parts of me are trying hard to ignore it's happening at all, and other parts are obsessing over anything baby related.

Hi all
Thanks Bursar
Moving is not going great.
Trying to keep calm but I'm exhausted.
I hate relying on people for help.
Sleeping at new house tonight, I'm filthy and starving and would happily exchange my first born for a shower and a hot takeaway.
We will get there but my energy levels are non existent

Hang in there Room. I hope your first night in the new house went well, and everything is going smoothly. We last moved two years ago, and even though in theory everything went okay, no major crises, we were both so incredibly stressed and all over the place!

I've had a nice enough normal weekend, I guess. Lots of intrusive suicide thoughts tonight, though. I'm just waiting for the time to tick by so I can go and hide in bed.

After my last house move I have absolutely no desire to ever do it again. Even when it is easy it is bloody stressful. I hope you can take some time to settle in now room

I spent a lot of today with a family member who has had a really hard time of it over the past year. Really one life shattering event after another. I don't see them often so this is the first time we have really talked about it all. I just did a lot of listening really but it was exhausting and I feel completely emotionally drained. It makes me realise how much hard work it must be being a therapist and listening to this stuff day in day out. Phew.

Yes, it's exhausting listening to people with a lot of problems. A friend of mine has been having a lot of shit lately: bad health, bad family stuff, bad job stuff, just one thing after another. I obviously want to give a listening ear and be there for her, but it does leave me feeling very drained. I could never be a therapist!

I've been going from autopilot to crashing and then back again. Really not feeling good today.